I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

@outlander You are on here to firstly help yourself so don’t feel you have to offer anyone anything. Just worry about yourself hun. Have gp this morning and then will be around if you need someone to talk to. Not planning on doing anything today, just hiding again in bed I think❤️💜💜💜

@outlander Sounds good to me 😀

Claire @outlander

Hi @outlander

You have been making some excellent decisions and now you need to practise carrying them out and having sick leave from everything right now is your first assignment - you need to recover from your kidney and chest infections and both of this are serious and need your attention first

About your sisters - I read this last night but I was putting myself first and not posting to anyone - I certainly understand that just having them around can stress you - I had the same with my sister and I -have no idea what was going on in her mind but I had major stress from her just being around and when my Gran got sick and my sister was moved into my room it was WW3 - and till the end of my life I will not know what got up my sister's nose but I really really get how you are having trouble

Esp that you share a room with two of them and can't get away from them even at night - cause at your age I had one at 14 in with me and moved into my Gran's room as soon as she went into a Nursing Home - and the other thing - though I was away from home most of the day and even in the evenings with night school - my bro and I had her through the weekends and she whined her way through whatever my bro and I had on - and mum would go crook at us for not giving her a chance but what kind of chance could a kid have when her teenage sibs were at 10 pin bowling tournaments etc?

So - yep - I understand how you feel and that is natural and although you have no control over when they all move out you can feel justified that this is an imposition and just hold onto the time coming when this will be different and basically just hang in there

@Zoe7has said everything really well and it seems you have made a good decision about your horse-work for when you recover - and it also seems that your boss wants you to work because you have the options - and working less days - caring for your Pop - having a class where you meet people and your ME time will fill your day

And practise saying No and this can start today - someone said don't stand around waiting for the flack - and there is no need to feel guilty - the total breakdown in your health is the result of the stress caused because you have felt so much unnecessary guilt as you have battled to be all things to everyone and now - easy for me to say but say no and mean it and walk away

Your mother has got away with this for too long - she will get used to being the provider of parental responsibilities for your sisters and you can enjoy being the big sister as you don't have so much of your sisters in your face. Not that that ever worked for my sister but then - as I said - I don't know what's up my sister's nose and likely I never will

So - yes - today's plan sounds good - see your GP - have a sleep or at least lie down and then take your Pop to his appointment

And try and bother your mind less about tomorrow - there is nothing you can do about tomorrow today - and tomorrow will have enough of its own bothers

And this sounds marvellous - well done

Dec