I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

@outlander I think you have worked it out for yourself

You are definitely not well enough to work 7 days a week and not working at all would mean you would lose the connections you have which would further add to your feelings of isolation. So option 3 sounds like a very well thought out and workable compromise. Well done

thanks @Zoe7 i still have my caring job as well but because its isolating it took on that second job but your right i really cant keep up with it all. i hope this way works out alot better though.

The first step in looking after yourself @outlander - proud of you

I think you've already answered your own question @outlander.

It's good your boss has come to the table with some options rather than just letting you go. Shows what a valued employee you are!

yes @Zoe7 after our convo yesterday had a few ideas going around that i wasnt sure whether to put into action but this one is a positive.

im glad too @Queenie i was prepared to leave if she couldnt work out another arrangement but i think option 3 is the best.

If you are comfortable with option 3, then go for it I say @outlander.

Posted prematurely @outlander

What that option also gives you is more time to yourself when you are feeling better - not yet as this is a time of healing - both physically and mentally, and all the energy you have left needs to go into that first. But when you are starting to feel a little better you can look at doing one or two short courses. This goes along with what we were talking about in regards to finding things you are interested in. The beauty of short courses is that if you don't like something then you don't have to keep going. I know you have done online courses but these ones should be courses you physically have to leave the house and work with other people - that is your second big hurdle - actually getting out and meeting people. Doing that in an environment where the focus is the same for everybody ie. all interested in the same thing - will take any pressure off you to have things in common.

It is also essential that the extra time that you will have in your week is for you - no baby sitting, no taking your sisters anywhere and no doing things for your mother - she has to step up and the only way that will happen is if you continue to say NO. If you need to say no and then walk out of the house then so be it - that will give 2 clear messages - 1. you are not the servant and 2. you are prepared to walk away to look after yourself rather than staying and being put down, yelled at etc.

@Zoe7@Queeniei just worry that even the 4 days will be too much but i guess i wont know until i try it... and with pop having a fair few appointments coming up i need to make him a priority as well

whoops @Zoe7

yes meeting other ppeeople. thats the part that scares me. i do what to take up an art class though so it might be worth starting there in an interest group rather than studies...

i think my seond hurdle is jsut saying no them- even if had nothing better to do. ive got to say no AND without feeling guilty for it every single time i do say no. thats the biggest thing yet and have been working with it for a little while and im not having much success with it.

That is where the 'walking away' comes in @outlander If you say no and then stay around for any fallout then it affects you emotionally but if you walk away it gives them a clear message that you have made your decision and it is the final decision - nothing will change your mind. It can be really hard to do at first - but like everything else we have discussed - practice, practice, practice!

I think doing an art class or joining an art group is perfect for you. Not only will you meet like-minded people but also have a larger pool of people to bounce ideas off and learn ne skills - perfect!