I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

It is not something that needs to be rushed @outlander It took me until I was 30 to go back to do teaching - it was the right thing at the right time. I couldn't have done it any earlier as I was not passionate about it.

If my grandparents hadn't passed when they did, I had not travelled and left my life here behind for a few months, if I had not met certain people while travelling, etc. etc. then I may not have gone down that road at all. I do love teaching kids - and I am very passionate about that aspect of my job but there are so many other components to it that have made the job so much harder and taken so much of the emphasis away from actually teaching the kids.

So I am again finding myself in a re-evaluation phase - is this what I want to go back to - can I go back to it? More questions than answers for me atm but I also know I am in no position to find the answers - or infact to even ask the questions. But in this way I am looking after myself - there is no point worrying about any of this right now for me as I am not well enough to even consider it. That is where I can support you to get to yourself - knowing which questions to ask and which you are not able to consider just yet

How did you know it was the right thing? @Zoe7

I was always wanting to work with horses but accidents change that and with that goes the reputation. I dont think its my 'calling' now and I love caring for pop but I dont think aged care id my calling either. I dont mind nursing but im not sure. I dont really have a passion for much else either.

Ive been wondering if its because I didnt do what most my age have done like go to uni, go travelling, date etc. I was caring through yr 11 and 12 then when I finished that was what I jumped straight into. At the same time though, im not really sure its necessary to do all those things, maybe im just boring who knows.

The way I feel and have been feeling for a long while now is whilst I have my good days, the hope fades so qucik its like it was never there and the past ive had with trying to end it Im not really sure if im grateful to still be living. But I feel hmm not confused more like muddled because everyone is telling me I have a life ahead of me and what my future could hold and it makes me curious but I also know quite abig bit of what my true reality will be and that will be these lifetime things I have now and that are already causing dramas are only going to get worse with age. In a way it scares the crap out of me, I dont want to have to live that nor do I want to put others through that either.

This is where im at now.

Maybe my mh issues need to be addressed before really finding whatever it is that im passionate about. Is now the right time for a re-evaluation stage, or is surviving the most important thing right now? I understand you saying sometimes things happen or a reason and also theres a time and place for things as well but I cant work out when/where the right time or place is in any of the next steps im taking. I feel like im walking along the wall trying to find a lightswitch that isnt there..

You have just written the most significant thing that I have ever seen you write @outlander...

'Maybe my mh issues need to be addressed before really finding whatever it is that im passionate about'

You cannot find the true sense of self that you are searching for if you do not have the 'space' in yourself to house it!

Your past is unique to you @outlander but it is not your future. Your future is available for your making - but you need to be 'well' enough to be able to find meaning in your life. No-one but you can do that - but people can help you along your journey.

The enviable position you are in is that you are aware of both your physical and mental difficulties and you are receiving support. I know some of that support irl is not ideal but you have avenues open to you to improve that. Some things take more time than others. Awareness is the key here @outlander - as without that you cannot educate yourself on the best ways forward.

You also do not need to be in a rush to 'find yourself'. It is a life-long process. Start with small things like short courses, trying new experiences, doing the exact opposite thing to what you would usually do - all gives you a new a varied perspective on the world.

Sometimes we need to go completely out of our comfort zone to find the thing that truly lights up our life

He's from out of town @outlander,didn't know where the tip was,wasn't impressed with him the other day but he finished the job today.

ahh ok @Former-Member or maybe he wanted your company 😉 TAB is on the other thread stirring me up about those 14 kittlets!

sorry @Zoe7 i havent forgotten ive got more msgs going everywhere and trying to keep up!

so i need to focus more on my mh needs and well the physical currently till this damn infections gone but i need to try and work out whats best for my mh? is that right?

going out of my comfort zone well there isnt many boundaries to cross there in the fact ive only got to go somewhere new and its out of my comfort zone lol, but im hearing you.

thank you heaps for your hep too, i know your doing it tough

No need to reply to everything @outlander - a like is enough (that is if you like of course lol)

...and yes - focussing on your MH is the basis for sorting out everything else

I am going to log off soon - trying to stick to a self-imposed curfew lol Enjoy chatting with others tonight @outlander and we'll chat again soon

Hi @Zoe7

You say things so well and so directly - I really wish I could be as succinct and say things with being periphractic - I mean - round-and-about. Well done

@outlander

Everyone has to be disappointed at some time in their lives and the earlier they learn the easier it will be but that seems to be over now - and well done

You can't know about your future when you are 21 - unless you are the next Monarch and that doesn't always work out either

My big deal in life didn't happen until I was in my 40s and went on for 10 years and I was passionate

I was engaged to be married when I was your age and I think if I had not married I might never have got away from my controlling parents - the only way I could leave home was by marriage and nothing that I could see then happened much - except my accounting diploma - which was my key to good employment and is really handy now - but then

I had to marry and for years I worked then adopted a child and it was his life that was so hard and his death that was so tragic that a fire was lit inside me and I worked hard for the lives to be a voice for disenfranchised youth and to this day I am proud of those 10 years and what I achieved - so really - can any young person see that far ahead

But you show maturity in even thinking that - and my guess is that you not boring at all - after all - I read everything you write in your threads and in some other threads and I am not missing much - you write as if you are a lot older - another of my guesses is that you find other young people boring because you have lived a lifetime since you were 16 give or take and suffered a great deal all your life

This my dear friend - and you are my friend - is a pretty good start - you just need to start your own life and I am going to refrain from saying what you have to do to get there right now

We can't worry about the future successfully because we can not know what will take place - I could not have seen my future when I was your age - and Zoe has written some of her story and I am guessing most people are the same

Life is an adventure to be lived, feared, honoured, enjoyed, chosen, endured, waited for and grasped, celebrated.

You will live and laugh and cry - you will lose and you will win - endless paths with open to you - other doors closed. You will gain people and lose people - people will die - you will get older - even old - and in your turn die too - and this is the skeleton of all our lives because we have some or all of these events in our future

All you can do now is to recover your health and reach for each day and it's promise. It will be different - take my word for it - it may never be easy but in time you can make it your choice

Dec

Ye-ep

lol @Zoe7 good luck with that little flutterby

@Owlunar I always love reading what you write Dec - everyone has their own style but the meaning is very clear when you write - and often very informative also - I admire that immensely.

@outlander - yep not happening already lol