I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

Here is the difference in this scenario though @outlander - you are not saying no because you have 'something better to do' or 'want to do something solely for yourself' - you are saying no because you are not physically well enough to do it. In this case it is not about putting anyone first - it is purely about attending to your physical well-being as a priority as that is what this situation dictates it should be.

..and I will go back to something that many have said to you before also - your sisters are NOT your daughters, they are your mother's - and whether you have said you would take them somewhere before or not - the onus is still on your mother to raise, feed, clothe, educate and attend to their well-being. She has had to do that when you have been in hospitalor away for a few days - so she is capable of doing so.

Saying no, and taking a step back from responsiblities, becomes easier the more you do it - just like anything - the more you practice something, the better you become. Now is the time to continue to practice saying no in the first instance - rather than having to 'go back' on what you have promised later down the track - and practicing looking after yourself first.

We can all be here to support you but we cannot walk in your shoes with you - you are the only one that can do that for yourself.

@Sans911 I don't often write that directly but when I do it is when I feel it is needed - and I hope I do not hurt anyone in the process because it comes from a place of caring!

That was what I wasnt seeing @Zoe7 I wasnt seeing it as a necessary thing for my own health. I was seeing it as ive broken a promise and this will have been the countless times ive had to say no them.

I was seeing it as 'ive let them down again' I just want to be a good sister and I really dont feel like one.

I guess I can live with being for physical health and not letting them down. They dont seem that bothered anyway. They are playing a game in the room now.

I have grown up with these responsibilities from my teens, mightve been before that so the habits hard hard to break. I need to work on saying no more and without the guilt or coming up with ways so when they ask me a month in advance that I dont say ill take them straight out.

And no you havent hurt me, your being honest Zoe. When things are actually explained they make more sense.

Me - making sense @outlander lol

Seriously though - I am pleased that you do not find it hurtful in any way but as I intend it to be - to help you grow and find your own place in this world - because @outlander there is a place for you and that place will be better for you being in it

lol yes @Zoe7 your making perfect sense. i hope that place, whereever it is comes about soon