I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

@outlander Hoping you can have time out from them all in some way, maybe just quiet time in your room. I have to go now but may be back later.

Hi @outlander

I hear you had a bad night - actually I was aware of the first part because I was reading and it seems it didn't get any better after I fell off the planet and went to sleep

You need time - today it has to be about you. You haven't spoilt anything for your family - they can go out to dinner and do bowling or whatever - they choose to stay at home today - I have been through that thing myself when it is never "convenient" for me to be ill or whatever - so I know the feeling

But here you are today and you need to recover from a really bad spell - after all - you are asking how much longer you can go on like this and I am seriously wondering the same -

And that part is okay - those of us here who are posting with you are doing it because we want to - if we didn't care we would just stop posting - we are under no obligation but we want the best for you and we will take it in turns to support you in what ever way we can as you battle through it.

And you ask why the help is not helping - from our point of view - out here in Forum Land - we can only be here with you as far as being cyber-friends can be here - and we are - I think it's wonderful.

About the help in the real world - you have chosen not to tell anyone about the beginnings of all of this in an abusive male who took advantage of you in a mean and terrible way. There are other things as well - but you don't share this and that is okay with us - but for you - that is not good but I am sure everyone else her respects your choices - even if they seem wrong.

This is because it is your life - and as far as we can we will stick with you. You are in the middle of a strange wonderland where nothing makes sense - and we understand and will stay here -

Dec

Good Morning my poor spinning cyber-grandgirl Claire @outlander

Don't feel bad about what you've done, because what you did was save your life, by going to hospital I'm proud of you and want to say Thank-you I love you Well done!

Many people here know how hard it is to resist their own thoughts - sometimes the greatest enemy is the self. When guilt and negitivity is piled onto you, I think you begin to add to it yourself and weight of pile crushes your soul.

But that strength that you cannot see in yourself is mighty, and I think you use it to protect everyone you can - your family, your forum family . . . and you The understanding your gaining of not understanding is a knowledge not everyone will share; but is it a powerful knowledge, a humbling one. With it I believe, without knowing, you will help many people - people here on the Forums and those in the real World as well.

Be gentle and take care of yourself, keep your wounds clean and dry, rest however you are able and nibble on anything you can stomach. Don't forget to drink water . . . and breathe. There is joy to experience amongst the muddle of maddness, keep inching forward and never give up

Feeling so much for you now Claire And like a typical Nanny, I want to wrap you in cotton wool and hold you close to keep you safe; but that is not the right thing to do - you have to be allowed to fly and fall . . . and find your own way. The way I see it you've been crawling in the dark, through deadly paths and yet still you found your way - so very proud of you

Love you Claire

Nanny Niqua

So well said Niqua

Try and rest @outlander - I'm glad you have the house to yourself for now and I hope you can sleep

Chemicals build up in the brain when we don't sleep - eventually they will win and you will get some zed-time - hopefully today - and I hope you do

We all care hun - just rest today and try and switch off

Dec

@Former-Member

I know what's happening - Granny Dec to the rescue

You know all that weight you have put on - that's hormonal - you have been storing water and now it's being released -

This is a good sign - as inconvenient as it is - unless it starts to sting - It shouldn't sting but if it does you might need something from the pharmacy that comes in little packets or sachets - they are OTC and won't stuff around with your medication - I use them now and again - they level out the ph balance in your urine

No need to worry about it at all - it's great - you will be losing that bloated feeling you have had lately

Dec

@outlander