Night Shift

Hi all - @Mazarita, @PeppiPatty, @Appleblossom & nice to "meet" you @Former-Member

Had a decent sleep - think I got close to 7 hours of shut eye.

@Former-Member - I started running when I decided I would become anorexic when I was 15 - the anorexia tured into the wonderfully named *sarcasm* EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) & I continued running a lot up until my nervous breakdown when I was 21 (which was when I entered the mental health system). Since my mental illnesses became debilitating after that I didn't run much (only exercised sporadically) until late 2012 - when I started with 12 minutes on the treadmill. I built up my fitness & ran a 5km event on my birthday in 2013. I then built up my fitness & endurance even more & ran a 10km in August. I did a number of charity runs in 2013, but did even more in 2014. I managed to run a 55:34 10km in July 2014 (usually I run 10km in just under an hour) I then did only a few longer runs (didn't really train properly due to the limitations of mental illness) including a 20km fun/charity run in preparation for the 21.1km half marathon in September 2014. It was a great experience & I did a decent time - 6min/km's. This year the furtherest I ran was 7km.... I ran quite a few 5km runs in the first half of the year @ parkrun & on my own (Have you heard of parkrun? Free timed 5km event each Saturday all over the world). I only managed two fun/charity runs this year. It has been a very tough year & only in about the last 2 months... month & half... or so - has it started to become easier to live. Thank you for the encouragement - I had many breaks in between all that running due to episodes of worsened depression or psychosis & our bodies do have muscle memory. I'm also hoping that the yoga is helping me restore some fitness. I've been going twice a week since I left hospital for the 2nd time this year - so for over 2 months now. Yoga today - yay!

@Appleblossom I am 33 & I have been on psychotropic medication for 13 years. I was first diagnosed with major depression, but later that year I was put on antipsychotics (2003). I went off antipsychotics in 2007, because I had not accepted my schizophrenia diagnosis. I had a severe psychotic break in 2008, as well as minor ones (which I have even on medication). I went back on antipsychotics in 2010 when I began to hear voices. I have been on the current one since early 2012. I tried going off it too fast last year & became very irritable & had a psychotic break. I stay on this particular one as it doesn't cause me to gain weight, as most of them did (which was extra hard for me after experiencing an ED).

I am very glad you have managed to stop self harming - that is a huge thing! A month or so a go I was trying to restrict my food intake at lunch to try to lose weight & gain that false sense of control. I've started to eat more at lunch now & I feel less anxious (not eating enough causes anxiety these days - I used to eat an apple a day - go to school - achieve good grades - ultimately got an op 3 - and ran after school eating one apple a day!) My weight has remained stable for the whole year.

Oh dear, I'm trying to remember everything I wanted to respond to!!! Forgive me for missing points!!

@PeppiPatty I'm glad you are walking on the beach with your dog Arlo - I like the name too! It is a sin to live near the beach & not go I lived in a coastal city from age 10 to 21 & I only really started going to the beach after I finsihed high school. I would run along the beach twice a day at one stage - I think when I got my car (memories of that time have been damaged by ECT) - Before & after work!

I personally think the Physio sounds biased - I would like @Former-Member suggested seek the opinion of another physio. It is your body - listen to it - ultimately.

Thank you - I accept the award!

@Mazarita - your time with your cousin sounds wonderful. My family moved from New Zealand when I was 3 months old, so I don't really know any of my extended family either. Your meditation group sounds wonderful too! I will aim for more running in 2016 (at least 10km's, but would love to do my 2nd marathon) & you can aim for tai chi!!

Namaste

Anna

(p.s. forgive me for missing points!)

I really enjoy reading your posts @Former-Member. I just asked how old you were as I was concerned about side effects because you mentioned shaking on a post. I thought you were young and had not been on meds that long.

I love beaches too and go so far as to say that the beach is another thing that has saved my life. I dont go to them enough now ... but will get back into walking and swimming when I get my licence back. When I was 8-10 I spent a lot of time going to Sydney beaches with my parents ... which is a glorious introduction to beaches ... When I travelled the world I often went from beach to beach. I surfed at Nias off the coast of North Sumatra and lived in a hut on the beach and enjoyed beaches in Asia and the Meditteranean ... you have to feel sorry for the poor ole poms ... as England's beaches are not much but they have history so I forgive them We Aussies are spoiled that way.

Then when I came back and finished Year 12 I did Earth Science and a big project on beaches and sand movement when I lived in St Kilda. We had many camping holidays for my children ... they saw some beautiful places too... I hope it sustains them.

The symptoms of schizophrenia are very difficult to deal with, but I am glad you have a lovely relationship with your partner. I hope there are beautiful aspects to the bush where you live, which might help take some of the sting out of the difficulty with access to water and basic living conditions. My time in the hut was a fond memory for me ... we had no running water and had to carry it in for cooking etc .. the washing was in the salty sea water ... but it pares down life to its essentials ... I find that good.

I am sorry about your little niece needing an operation. Usually such things are covered under Medicare, but its good that you keep in touch and are supportive of your sister.

Hi all....

Anyone around?

Feeling lonely & low today & not really sure what to do with myself....

I just had a shower - I didn't shower Thursday or yesterday I changed the kitty litter before showering - it always makes me feel dirty, so I try to remember to do it before I plan to have a shower. I'm enjoying the feeling of being clean & fresh.

As some of you read I was experiencing a lot of anxiety from about 4:30pm onwards yesterday - I went to bed at about 10 & got to sleep what felt like an hour later (I'm still being very disciplined with not looking at the time on my phone). I woke up at about 4

My other good girlfriend hadn't replied to 2 messages I sent on Thursday night & Friday midday - I was starting to get paranoid as she has contact with my ex friend (who was a really hopeless friend to me & really hurt me & I'm still not over it...) through my old running club (been avoiding running events where I could met up with running club casual friends, due to ex friends involvement - she is sponsored by the club even). Anyhow I sent her another msg this morning & it is all good between us - she is just really unwell - vomitting, sleeping all day etc. Hopefully she is well by Wednesday, because it would be great to catch up with her when I go see my psychologist. I haven't seen her since she visited me in hospital last. She went on a holiday to USA & ran the New York marathon & has been busy with uni or church when I've been down to see my psychiatrist. She is studying to be a dietitian & works as an agency general nurse. She used to be a nurse full time. She experiences bulimia & depression, so she is not judgemental & more empathetic perhaps. Maybe she just likes me because I'm me? Lots of friends come & go when you experience severe mental illnesses, as I'm sure others here have experienced. The girlfriend I met on Thursday experiences bipolar. I met her in hospital in 2006. We have lost contact at several points, but I reconnected with her last year. Both beautiful people....

Yeah, just lonely & low today....

Hope others are doing better than me!

Namaste,

Anna

Hello Bella @Former-Member

Yes maybe your friend likes you cos you are just you.

We do have to be careful not to let false friendships get under our skin and get us down.

I am currently working on managing my feelings in social groups. I am actually ok with myself alone .. and its important to remind myself of that.

What book have you been reading?

Hi @Appleblossom...

Your stories of the beach are beautiful. I usually feel ALIVE when I go to the beach - a feeling I don't get anywhere else. My partner mentioned going to see his uncle after xmas who lives in the costal city I grew up in - close to the beach! I hope that happens, as I only have gone to the beach once this year & I was in a really bad, bad headspace, so I didn't fully enjoy it like I usually do. My partner's mum's property has a huge dam - I think having the water nearby helps. I was patting some of the shetland ponies noses when I walked back from the house to the cabin. It is nice and green out here at the moment. We have been getting decent amount of rain. I know the living situations I have to cope with at the moment will make me appreciate better living circumstances in the future.

THe operation needs to been done privately as there is a long waiting list public & the doctor has advised immediate action or permeanant damage will occur.

(Sane forums needs a spellcheck! I know I'm making spelling mistakes - I'm not a good speller - I only got A's in English due to spellcheck!! & 6's & 7's at uni due to spellcheck!!! Take note moderaters!! *hint hint*)

Thank you for your lovely msg,

Namaste,

Anna

I've ordered a few books from the library in the closest town. They haven't sent me an email saying any of them are there yet - they were coming from other libraries in the region. I ordered a dystopian novel online & they sent me a comical book about rugby!! I sent them an email & they said they would send me the correct book by express post. I think they forgot to make it express! I got a big pile of John Grisham novels out of the storage tubs to re-read - some of the novels I have already read a few times. I also got the other books I have from the author of the novel I just read - Mitch Albom.

My partner brought a copy of The Big Issue - I might go read that soon. I like what The Big Issue does - helping homeless & disadvantaged people in a very practical way!

Namaste,

Anna

I think there is a spell check in the ABC button at the top right hand side of the dialogue box.

It sounds lovely if there is still green and a pony. Its getting dry around us and its heating up a lot.

I helped my exhusband come off his antipsychotics very gradually. We weaned him off over a 2 year period and he has never gone back on them though when I met him he had been on them for nearly 10 years . He is noe in his 60s.

My mother, father, sister and my husband were diagnosed with schizophrenia. I dont really know what "normal" is. My marriage lasted 16 years but didnt work out as he had a child with a previous partner who was also diagnosed with schizophrenia and there were a lot of complication. There are different outcomes for different people with the same diagnosis.

Thank you for telling me where the spell check is!!

There are over 30 Shetland ponies & some other horses as well. It is a 160 acre property. There are also sheep, black English pigs, cows, dogs, ducks, doves, finches, quail, pheasants, chickens & wildlife - including an albino koala & a possum who visits the container & likes being fed bananas....

I imagine it would of been very difficult growing up with both a mother & father with schizophrenia. That is a wonderful thing you did for your ex husband & I imagine he appreciates it - even if things didn't work out between you both ultimately. Thank you for telling me that, as it gives me hope.

Namaste,

Anna