Night Shift

Since joining the forum, I have seen my new GP twice and linked up with Carers Vic.

I was anxious about calling myself a carer as that meant I was saying my son had a mental illness ... and maybe I should be pathologising myself instead of him ... I hate it that he needs to take antipsychotics ... so tie myself in knots about all that.

CarersVic have been really great .. I can see a psychologist for 6 free sessions ... and there is a social worker who is case managing me ... she is earthy and we hit it off immediately and have met 3 times for coffee. I think I have mentioned them as I have a long walk but a nice one.

The psychologist is good too ... we both get it regarding nutrition and "Integrative Medicine" and her daughter works at same clinic as a naturopath ... She liked the idea that my kids dont really know what white sugar is ...

Sorry @PeppiPatty there have been very few lollies at my place ... just enough so that kids know what they are .. a couple times a year. I can leave dark choc, peppermint and strepsils un the cupboard and my gorgeous big boy leaves them there ... he likes savoury stuff.

I am glad you are going to visit your son ... it is a big thing ... letting down barriers and keeping family connections going.

Ohh @Former-Member it is important to nurture the dreamer inside ourselves. Dont think your dreams are impossible. They may not all come true .. but it is part of defining who we are and where we are heading.

It doesnt have to be right now ... but one day you can a lovely home with walls of books .. I cant promise you the beach but in your post you understand ... we have to have the inner readiness to appreciate things ... that is not a moral point its just if we are stressed to the max its hard to relax. If our beings are doing an inner workout we dont have total control over emotions.

I am finally able to enjoy my home ... its taken a long time to get where I am .. and to believe I deserve what i have got ... I used to spend most time in my bedroom with blinds down too ... now I have moved into my lovely music room with the piano and spend time reading ... with cats .. or doing music ... I had to get to a stage where my physical and emotional pain were reduced to a level where I could enjoy life. Before I only went in there to teach or do serious practise ... now I relax in y own sitting room.

Today my brother phoned from Germany ... it was good to hear from him ... he is going through a very tough time with colorectal cancer ... we decided I will go with my son to Sydney before New Year and meet him and spend time with his kids ... he has been living in beachfronts for 9 years .. now all his money is going into keeping himself alive. Its delicate walk through a mine field with his wife .. but I also understand her a little.

Dear @Former-Member it can be frustrating with family .. just take one step at a time .. do what you can and dont give yourself a hard time when it doesnt work out ... quiet detachment and self care is enough ... you are right about playing happy families

people used to put babies to sleep in drawers ... just make do ... we actually need a lot less stuff than we think ... you might get a great place in a spot like @PeppiPatty ... who knows what will happen.

Dear @Mazarita hope you have managed all your visitors ... its amazing meeting a cousin after all this time ... have lovely day with your new clan.

Hi all, good to read your posts yesterday. I was too exhausted to post replies then and still am now really. But just wanted to say hi. Meeting with cousin was great but really shook up my nervous system. We talked about lots of deep family things. Another big day here today by my standards. Will probably get to replying more a bit later. Sending good wishes that today will treat you well.

@PeppiPatty thank you for seeing my beauty... I know I have to see myself as more than my mental illnesses. Sometimes I do, but a lot of the time I don't. It helped me a great deal when I ran a lot in 2014 (even running a half marathon), as I saw myself as a "runner". I still need to get back into running... My sleep has normalised for now, but doing the yoga twice a week & the pt sessions with exercise physiologist + all the health professional appointments (+ things you have to do like grocery shopping & following my partner around Bunnings & Masters etc) - I will start running again & hopefully run my 2nd half marathon in 2016! (Maybe @Mazarita will get to some tai chi classes too ) I hope I am not too discouraged with my loss of fitness & gain it back fairly quickly....

It is great that you work as a support worker @PeppiPatty - it sounds like a rewarding job & I hope you are able to increase your hours next year like you obviously would like to.... It sounds like you tried the machine you are considering with the physio. If it will help you & you will use it - go for it!

@Appleblossom Thank you. Yes, we do need less than we think & often what we have (although some more space & a private bathroom would go a long way to reduce stress & anxiety at this stage in my life). I'm glad you are now able to enjoy your music room for music, reading & cats - it sounds calming. I hope it is for you.

I don't like that I am on antipsychotics either - that is why I found a psychiatrist willing to gradually wean me off - although her intention is to have me on the least amount of drugs as possible, so I may have to wean myself off in the end - if that is possible - I have dystonia & tremors & have lost my creativity (an important part of myself) - my partner says I am looking & acting "more alive" with the reductions.

@Mazarita glad the meeting of cousins went well

I'm travelling to the capital city near us to see my psychiatrist (only half an hour appointment for the first time - busy time for psychiatrists around Xmas understandably, so they couldn't fit me in for my usual hour long appointment) & then to see the new psychologist. Before my appointment I am meeting up with one of my best girlfriends @ a place that makes vegan pizza. (She isn't vegan, but we are encouraging her to change her eating as she is very overweight & diabetic & we know our way of eating (whole food plant based) can reverse diabetes - not much luck yet - she is an emotional eater....).

Anyhow, I'm looking forward to her company & enjoying trying this vegan pizza!

I hope everyone has a good or a least an 'okay' day!

Namaste

Anna

Dear @Former-Member

Thankyou, I like your way of thinking

And am grateful that you can just, move on with what other people say about things....it's very cute......

Im probably going to get this deal and I'lle up my work so can pay for it........

IT's scary to wonder if the Psysio is saying that this is the way to go because it was a free appiontment, paid by the place and what he says is .....non biased.....

He says that if I do get a cheaper version I must get one which is 20 rpm so it gives you benefits....

@Mazarita Its huge to meet new family after all your isolation. So glad it was positive ... I need a lot of time to chew things after social stuff like that. Its just nice to see you post when you can.

@PeppiPatty I am wary of buying stuff on terms and try for more wholistic approaches to movement and exercise even though I did go to the gym for a while. I used my gym phase as a learning period as well as rehab .. and it was good to get accurate feedback but I am wary of too much dependance on machines. Losing weight is important but you arent overweight from what you have said so it should nt be that big an issue ... have fun with it if its what you want to do and really can afford it. A lady studying exercise said that I do "functional" exercise. I could lost weight but refuse to be obssessed about it ... metabolism is complicated.

@Former-Member I was sad to hear of your tremors and happy that you have a good psychiatrist. How long have you been on the meds? How old are you? My uncle's tardive dyskenisia is bad but he has been on meds for over 35 years.

I agree whole food and plant-based is best option .. we also have a little meat, eggs and dairy.

I come from a background where access to food was a serious issue and choices limited so I tend to try to reach compromises .. more than have strong opinions about it ... we eat vegan when my son's girlfriend (who I also think of as a friend) is around. I have decided to keep a vegan and paleo friendly kitchen rather than quibble ... my brother tries to keep himself in a constant state of ketosis .. so a big meat eater too just low carbs ... I try to please everyone ... and am learning to please myself late in life. I have enjoyed being in the kitchen lately.

Our vegan friend has just taken my car for an overnight trip with my son ... but its hard as she flipped into punishing self harm very easily today .. with very little trigger or warning .. I am worried ... but also have to let them go ...

It is one of the same behaviours that I did years ago .. today I just hugged her had help eye contact .. but I had a lot of responsibility, commitments, aggravation and serious build up when it was a problem with me .. and no supports ... or people to rescue me ... anyway ... I managed to stop it when I moved into this house ... I might have wondered around repeating to myself like a mantra ... "no more" or "this will be my sanctuary" ... free from too much of my agitation being acted out. Breath ... do yoga tai chi and music and writing. I hope you have managed to stop it with your ED.

It was really healing for my brother and my exhusband to do house renos and handyman stuff ... there are gender patterns but we cant get too locked into narrow patterns ... but also look at what life needs us to do.

Hello all

It’s been lovely absorbing all your words of wisdom and positivity on this thread today. Thank you 🙂

@Appleblossom, great to hear it’s going well with Carers Victoria. We often refer people there through the SANE helpline so it’s nice to know the counselling services is helpful. Also great to know you’ve found a psychologist you gel with.

@Former-Member, I’m very impressed that you’ve run a half-marathon. I managed to build up to running 10km earlier this year but then hurt my knee. I find it really hard to maintain the stamina for such a long period of exercise. One thing I’ve noticed with fitness is that each time you get it and then lose it, it’s a bit easier to build it back up. I think it’s to do with muscle memory.

@PeppiPatty, the exercise machine sounds interesting, but you sound a little bit unsure. It’s a lot of money, and quite a commitment if it means working extra days. Do you think it’s worth asking another physio at a different clinic about it? I get nervous about large purchases so am always looking for cheaper alternatives. Do you think you could still get worthwhile benefits from exercising without the machine?

@Mazarita, I’m glad it went well with your cousins. It can be a mixed bag of emotions reconnecting with family after a long break. I hope you can take it easy for the rest of the day. Remember, you’ve got lots of support here if you need to debrief.

Have a lovely afternoon everyone!

Namaste Anna @Former-Member. Group meditation again this mid-morning with my lovely peer worker. I'd woken at 6am feeling exhausted and wired at the same time and was groaning with discomfort for the few hours before she arrived. I was asleep in the chair when the front door buzzer went off on her arrival. But the meditation, chanting and singing were wonderful. Much calmer and more comfortable in my body afterwards and able to go to bipolar support group this afternoon. Tai Chi is in my mind as something I might be able to add to the schedule sometime next year. Glad to hear Partners in Recovery are going to provide some good support for you in the new year too. I continue to marvel at your appetite for reading. I'm still reading my convict adventure, lol. Bit by bit but getting through it nonetheless. I aim to get to the end, shouldn't be hard because I'm enjoying it. It will be the first book I've read cover to cover for a long time due to concentration problems and depression. 'Mateship With Birds' is on my bedside table, the next read.

@PeppiPatty I can't tell you how glad it makes me to think of you and Arlo on the beach.

@Appleblossom Thanks for retelling part of your story. I have memory lapses and need to be told more than once sometimes, also not reading everything on the forum. Good to hear you are receiving support for you and your son from a few different sources.

Cousin meeting was a big experience. I had wanted to meet her since I saw a photo of her when we were children. Our extended family has been separated by distance to a large extent throughout our lives, which is why we hadn't met before. It is one of my cousin's missions in life to meet all her cousins. She still has about three to go. Three have already passed away. She has been through great hardship and tragedy. We discussed mental illness in the wider family. We tried to fit in as much information about our lives as possible, not knowing if we will meet again. Then went to the beach, a soft overcast day, wide open ocean almost the same color as the sky. Dipped our toes and wiggled them in the sand while still talking deeply and watching the children.

Hi all,

Very exhausting day - psychiatrist appointment ended up being an hour long, so two hours of talking about myself, mental illness & trauma.

Very frustrated as I feel partner, psychiatrist, friend (possibly even new psychologist) think I'm doing better than I am - feel like they will start to expect a lot more. I am doing better, but I still go to bed most nights hoping I don't wake up in the morning. For example - we came home tonight & I asked my partner to do the dishes while I made salad. He told me I could do the dishes as well....

I will respond properly tomorrow. I'm rather wired....

Was lovely reading all the kind messages - not sure what I do that is "cute" though @PeppiPatty, hahaha!

Namaste

Anna