Night Shift

To me, you show great perspective. I have been lucky in so many ways aside from illnesses. But I still like to have a whinge.

I still have occasional home-of-my-own fantasies but I don't think it's likely. Being a renter has its advantages too.

Can't really convey how happy I am that you like the video. One of the things I liked about your poem is the way each line is so simple and direct. It tells a story to me in a small number of words. The ending has a strong uplifting feeling. The image of the wind blowing hard against you grabbed me from the start. I remember loving it the first time I read it.

Hi @peace,

Anytime of the day for dreams like that to be with you sounds hard to live with. I know someone who has something like this where he feels himself to be very regularly in two states of perception. One in which he is going about his daily life and the other in which he is having vivid conscious dreams. He has never been diagnosed with mental illness, doesn't want to be, holds down a job and is generally functional. I guess what he experiences may be like daydreams but unusually intense and vivid. He says that if someone attacks or bothers him in these dreams he takes responsive action in the dream too, for example, fighting back. I would personally find it difficult if the content of my daydreams were this disturbing and I don't know if participating actively would be helpful or not really. He also says that the dreams are not so intense if he is busy with things in the regular waking world. I'm interested to hear more about what you go through if you feel like sharing.

Hi @Mazarita & all...

I went to HOT yoga! I actually enjoyed it. I was exhausted - apx 3.5 hours sleep (more on that below!), but felt more awake after the practice. It wasn't as hot as I anticipated. I said that to the instructor afterwards & she said usually it is hotter as there is more fast progressions between poses (I don't know if that makes sense to someone who is not familar with yoga!) Anyhow, I didn't faint!! I faced a fear.

I went to bed at 11pm - didn't feel sleepy for a couple of hours even though I knew my body & mind really needed sleep - fell asleep after 3am. Woke up apx 1.5 hours later after a terrible nightmare about becoming psychotic & someone related to the trauma I experienced 13 years ago was in it (a best friend of one of the men who abused me/former friend). I fell back to sleep for apx 2 hours & later told my partner I was too tired to go to yoga. He said I should go. When I went into the house my partner's mum asked me if I had a headache & I asked why - she said I looked tense in the face & I told her that I hadn't slept very much. I had already told her about going to hot yoga & she said I shouldn't go. She started talking to me about cattle dog puppies that are nearly ready to sell & was standing there feeling faint. I went back to the cabin & told my partner I couldn't go to yoga, as I was feeling faint as well as exhausted. He insisted I go. Honestly, I think he was being too tough on me & should of let me just be, but I didn't want to fight. As I have said before - sometimes he helps me they way he thinks I need to be helped NOT the way I actually need help. As we were driving to yoga my eyes were half shutting. He did kindly say to me when he dropped me off that if I was too tired half way through to just leave & call him. I did enjoy it. I'm glad I went, but I still desperately need some sleep & I think if I had of gone back to bed instead of going I could of got some much needed shut eye..... *fingers crossed* for tonight.... He also told me looking at the time on my phone is bad sleep hygiene, which I know it is - I've been told that by a psychiatrist (a bad psychiatrist with a god complex, but he was right about that) - I just feel like I need to keep track of my sleep pattern & energy levels somehow. I'm going to put my phone away from the bed tonight instead of under my pillow.... I'll still know if I'm tossing & turning for hours. I seem to always guess what time it is before I look at the clock anyhow....

I used to have lucid dreams also when I was on the antidepressant that gave me vivid dreams & nightmares. The way I experienced them was part of the time I made up details in my half awakeness & part of the details came when I was not conscious (if that makes any sense??) I was in & out of sleep, but never fully awake. I made up some details & other details were unconciously decided upon. I have heard some people enjoy lucid dreaming. I do not.

Anyhow, I must hang up my laundry! (& shower)

Namaste,

A

Dearest @Maritza

Yes, I am ...blown away at your compliment because in this phase of my life, some very bad things were happening and I truly thought that my artwork was good but ........it didnt get many compliments

This was a fairly large picture I did. It meant so much to me but again.....no real compliments except from my Psychotherapist. She was very complimentary. Now @LittleBuddha is calling out.....I think it's good!!

The poem attached is.

I look up

The whole world opens up in

just a sec....let me find it

This is the poem in the boat......in the ropes...

......................................................................................................................

I look up,

There is a great space of white blue
The whole world opens up wide

I move my eyes down to the horizon
Ships swim in the water
Ripped Torn and Whethered

And Sunshine

Time is upon us
Night crosses the sky
You know the motion of the stars, the moon
My Beloved.

.........................................................................................................................

But I gave the picture to someone and they gave the picture away. I wrote this poem to deal with my own life then.....isnt it weird......sometimes what we do isnt recognised until we least expect it

Hope the moderators dont pull my pic off but I dont think that my name shows and theres writing from facebook all on my name .....

Dearest @Former-Member

How are you tonight? I read your message, thanks for writing.

Im wondering if you think that you have too much on your plate?

It feels like you have understood the stress of your mother in law (mil) being in a relationship with an alcoholic.......for some time now........

The only way through the only way for change is with positivity and it feels that exactly you do.......

Please take care of yourself.....thinking about you,

Your message is gorgeous.........

xxPP

Hi @PeppiPatty - I love that picture - did you paint it or is it a collage?

I'm tired.

Yes, I probably have too much on my plate. I do however need routine & structure to help with the depression, so it is good if I have something planned for each day. Although I do enjoy days with nothing planned at times....

Tomorrow I'm seeing the exercise physiologist for a half an hour PT type session focussing on core strength to help with my back pain (also core strength is important for running - I am getting depressed about my sleep patterns not giving me the oppurtunity to wake up early & go running.... I'm trying to be patient - the overall dose of the antipsychotic wasn't changed, but now I take more in the evening & less in the morning - only for one week so far, so hopefully it starts to help normalise my sleep very soon),,,,, I should be able to enjoy some endorphins from the session tomorrow too (although I experience the most endorphins from running....)

Still waiting for my partner to make something for dinner. I'm very hungry. On Sunday I was exhausted & hungry & he was in bed, so I made a salad. Then when he saw me anxious & wired he told me off for doing the dishes & making the salad! He was really being too harsh on me & one of the reasons I cried (also out of exhaustion) - I think he realised, because he then took a gentler approach & tried to distract me with the kittens & got me to get up & watch a movie.... Yesterday, he asked me to do the dishes. Today, I'm too tired to do anything. I've asked him to cook some rice.... waiting....

How are you?

Namaste,

A

@Former-Member So impressed you went to hot yoga! And that you enjoyed it. I really got the image of you almost falling asleep on the way there but coming to life with the challenge. Good to hear about the rest of your day too. I think it's great that you aim to have something planned each day.

@PeppiPatty I love the artwork and the poem with it. Another powerful ending. I found those last words so full of feeling. What materials did you use to make the picture? I wish I could see it in the original form. I'm glad that your psychotherapist appreciated it. And that @LittleBuddha does too. With the line in the poem, 'Ripped Torn and Whethered', is that a special reference to something I haven't picked up on? Did you mean to use the spelling 'whether' instead of 'weather'? I hope I'm making sense in asking these questions.

I find it's often hard to get feedback on our creative work. Sometimes people are too shy to say anything. Sometimes they're not sure what they feel about it. Sometimes they don't like it and don't want to say. Sometimes they're just not into art or poetry. This is the nice way I try to look at it sometimes anyway.

Thanks @Mazarita

Watching an episode of The Americans & then I'll try to sleep....

(rice in tummy... going to have some peaches now...)