Night Shift

Hi @Former-Member,

Good to hear from you and so glad you were able to find a few things to ease your suffering last night. It's awesome to me that you still managed to make your physiologist appointment the next day. You go!

Following is the link to the little video I put together for @PeppiPatty's poem. I wish the technical quality was a little better but I'm so grateful for the lovely poem to inspire some creativity with media, which I haven't done for quite some time:

https://youtu.be/u5PBXR5CXoU

I know what you mean about anti-psychotics dulling your creativity. They do the same to me to some extent but I'm on a low dose, so not completely. The creativity is a saving grace in my life but it's also a source of manic behaviour in me if I'm not careful. Like 18 hour stints straight through with few breaks, followed by a day or two of near complete crash, and then back into it all night and up until evening again the next day, on and on like that until I crash in a bigger way. I had a year long period like this last time I was into the video making. Exhilarating but self defeating in terms of being able to live anything like a balanced life or to be able to sustain what you are doing over a long time. So taking it a bit slower this time around. I really wish you well with the reduction of meds dose and for the return of your artistic expression through painting. It would be great to see anything you are able to share with us here without losing anonymity.

Namaste,

M

Hi @Mazarita - Great video - love the expression on the woman's face when the words " now I am free" come up! Lovely relaxing music too. Wow, I've never experienced mania & it sounds very exhausting. Obviously I know while you are manic you have heaps of energy etc., but the aftermath sounds exhausting. It must be like walking a tightrope for you it seems - enjoying being creative, but not letting it be all consuming....

I just finished watching the 2nd half of Paper Towns, which was much better than the first half & actually made it a decent movie!

I hope I get 7-8 hours of sleep tonight. I can remember the last 6 days (I think!) - 4, 5, 5, 7, 3, 5 hours & no naps. I'm being brave & trying HOT yoga tomorrow. I've been going to two different places for yoga & now one instructor is on holidays - as she doesn't work during school holidays. So I have to try something new (@ the place I've been going to on Friday).

Namaste,

Kind thoughts,

A

@Former-Member,

Thanks so much for watching and your kind words. 🙂

When I'm in that kind of creative manic state I described, it's more like being completely driven by my mind than having an increase of physical energy. I think some other bipolar people do experience more energy in their bodies in manic states. But having had crohns disease since I was 18 has affected my long term physical energy levels, so I don't get much of a physical rise. My manic states don't feel healthy even when I'm in them but I do at times still find them impossible to turn off. The medications have definitely helped but I still need to watch myself and work out other practical life ways of managing things. It's all an ongoing learning process really...

I really hope you get some good long sleep tonight and beyond. Hot yoga! You are a much braver woman than me. Great that you are taking a chance on something new.

Namaste.

@Mazarita

We do all interpret things differently.

I didnt think your poem video portrayed mania ... but just a slo-mo build up to joy.

What would I know about "normal" feelings anyway.

I have a lot of trouble with being the wrong speed ... too fast and too slow for those around me ... at different times. gradually just accepting my speed in all its variety ... and others' speeds ...

its also a cranked up society ... with inevitable burn outs.

The image of the woman's face at the end is memorable and it was beautiful timing in the reveal.

@Former-Member Glad you are finding ways to keep co-creating ... your life ... with others.

Hi @Appleblossom. The video wasn't depicting mania. I was just writing about my creative process that gets manic if I completely let it have its way with me. I agree with you that the society we live in is based on never-ending increases in speed and 'productivity' of work, as though there's no limit to how speedy and super efficient human beings can be. It's a good way to burn out people indeed. I once heard that some workplaces are consciously run on the principle of keeping the workers stressed as much as they can possibly take without cracking. I don't have a lot of fond memories of my many attempts at working. I have usually started out as an enthusiastic high flyer only to crash time and again under the strain. I'm thinking of moving toward some voluntary work next year though if things continue to improve with me as they have over recent months. Maybe doing something voluntary for a community mental health organisation. We'll see...

I'm so glad you appreciated that end shot after the words 'I am free' and the editing rhythm I was going for with that.

Yes, managerial expectations of their work force are often problematic.

When my son was about 13 he said he didnt want to contribute to a corrupt society ... all hyped up and materialistic .. it broke my heart that he saw that at such a young age ... I had to inwardly agree with him ... still tried to get him to engage .. I have committed to support his decisions so long as he has ethics.

It was after that, that I became more resigned to accept a pension and teach only a tiny bit and not push myself to be as "professional" as husband's family. I am not earning professional wages .. .... and having lots of overseas trips etc ... lived well under 20,000 most of my life ... yet still my life style is better NOW than it ever has been ... eg even for the 10 years I was company director .. i didnt have discretional funds ... no capuccinos or 1 every 5 years etc ..

Whereas for the last 5 years I have bought capuccinos and take away food when I want ... for me ... amazing. I have to get over that thrill as it is not doing waistline good.

When putting out bins I chatted to job network neighbour .. and she is so upset about that whole sector .. she's working her guts out ... middle manager .. 3 hours of homework in her brief case ... and a single mum ... its mad ... she warned me about the RTO (Registered Training Organisations) closures ... ... some are corrupt as didnt have positions as promised for graduates etc etc ... it is a mess ...

I dont want to contribute to the big mess either ... I dont want the illusion of being productive ... I know what I can do.

@Mazarita - Thanks for sharing your experience of mania... I'm glad you seem to be managing at the moment....

I'm really scared hot yoga is going to make me faint. I'm not sure it is a good idea. I'm prone to low blood pressure.... Next week I'm planning on going to pilates instead - I told the exercise physiologist that I was considering pilates or hot yoga now that the other classes had finished. She told me pilates is more helpful for back pain, which I am experiencing. Pilates is on Mondays. I may not be brave enough in the morning.... I'll let you know!

I've started another book - it is a collection of short stories from my favorite author John Grisham who writes legal thrillers. I have read almost all his novels & one is a true story. I have plenty of them & am going to start re reading them. I borrowed the book of short stories from the library.....

Namaste,

A

@Former-Member,

Medications, professional support, this forum and my own efforts have me fairly stable over the past five to six months I think, which I'm grateful for.

I would definitely be going the pilates path if they were my options too. Always interesting to try something new though, but I hope you don't faint. Interested to hear what you decide in the morning.

It's great that you have such a passion for reading.

Namaste.