Night Shift

Dear @Former-Member, @Decadian, @Former-Member,@BlueBay, @Former-Member, @Angels333, @etherial2, @Former-Member and @Shaz51

Please always remember that YOU are not the person that hurt me or I believe anyone else. It is people in the past that have committed atrocious crimes against us.

My memories can get triggered by anything (one for example is canned peaches), and I don't need a trigger for a flashback. It was my choice to go onto the forum today and I am here because I genuinely enjoy your company and I am grateful that we have a place where we can communicate about things, that the outside world cannot fathom. It was my choice to tell you a fact about my past, and I think it is an important part in my recovery process that I am finally starting to allow myself to say it.

I am so grateful to have you all here supporting me and each other, so thank you for being you and thank you for being on this forum and for contributing.

Lots of love and hugs to all. Take care and try to be kind to yourself xox

I do the same when I press Like. 🙂

Dear @Former-Member

It was difficult before to read the previous posts about childhood sexual abuse. And then I read your post and I got really upset; I actually started to panic about what I had written. And I blamed myself. But now reading your post I do understand.

We are victims of abuse and it is one of the hardest traumas to deal with.

I am glad that you enjoy being on the forum because I do too. I find that chatting to others on here helps and sometimes I do get triggers but like you it can be anything. I too enjoy everyone's company.

Yes, I think talking about traumas of any kind does help with recovery but we can only do it in our own time.

Hugs to you @Former-Member take care xxxx

It's all good @Former-Member

I think I needed the tears. Have just made home made hamburgers for dinner.

Hope you're okay xxxoo

@BlueBay - and every one else in this convo

That non-acknowdgement of abuse - the fact that other poeple don't believe us - or can't conceive what it was like for us - how that person would ever do that -

We must be crazy - I was told I needed Professional Help - oh yes - and financially broke to my back teeth

She wasn't there to defend herself

Yes - I understand this and I am learning more

When I was told my mother was not able to defend herself - I asked myself who was there to defend me and my younger sibling - I had no one right then, but I defended my younger sibling and attacked our mother

Where did I get the courage? Where did I get permission to attack my mother like that?

Actually - she gave me permission - but abusing us - without her saying a word she gave me the power to fight back - and once I did - I kept doing it until I was old enough to start using satire - and her mother taught me that!!

Decadian

you really sound like a strong independent lady @Decadian - something i'm working on! for too long i've been a meek, milk and quiet thing.. but the other week i had a verbal argument with a person at my work! (it was terrifying at the time.. and afterwards..) but i feel like perhaps i've grown some tiny teeth haha... felt slightly empowered and that its ok to be... angry (a feeling that terrifies me and one that i very rarely feel). Not planning on getting into any more arguments though lol!

home made hamburgers would be awesome @BlueBay - because its holidays i mde the kids pancakes for tea (they had lemon and sugar or cinammon sugar with cream - lol a naughty holiday dinner - i suppose that will make me a bad mother as well lol!)

lj

@Decadian

do you know what my mum told me when i told her i was seeing a psychologist reg. childhood abuse??

she said "oh yes you are not strong like me, you're weaker". "I don't need to see a pysch because I am strong"

WTF - how can she say that to me, her own daughter. So i have always thought that i am so weak, she has so brainwashed me so much.

And one time when I lost some weight she turned around and said to me "oh no you look too sick now"

Another time she gave me a birthday present - (i was a size 12) she gave me a size 16+ ugly pair of pj's that were revolting. What an insult, she always knew how to get to me with her emotinal blackmail and abuse.

And she is supposed to be MY MUM

I think we need a new post just on our mums!!!!

@BlueBay

Are you sure we don't have the same mother? Well - I think not but they are sure alike - ha ng on - mine's deceased

I hear you - when my son and I were seeing the same psychiatrist - the psyche wanted to speak to my mother to tell her how to help me with my son

And my mother got upset - and Dad said she didn't need to see a psychiatrist - - oh yeah? I kinda think she could've - but .....

Anyway - one day - years later - she snapped at me

"Oh you - you are so clever with all your education - I mightn't know all that but I have sense - good sound common sense"

I thought - better not respond - it was better not to respond

But I have thought - how does she know if she has good sound common sense?

Yes - we should have a thread for our mothers - I know my dd doesn't like a lot of what I did - but I don't argue - she's probably right - if she hated my cooking she hated my cooking - if I have a loud mouth - I do

Decadian