Night Shift

Hi @Former-Member, Wow, very impressive that you are back into it all with work. Seat of the pants can get a lot of things done sometimes. Sending cheers and best wishes your way for tomorrow!

@Former-Member, You are my inspiration now getting the folded clothes put away. I've still got some sitting there folded from last time. Maybe I'll do that once I post this. We had steak and asparagus for dinner. Managed to get myself on to the exercise bike for 10 minutes a bit earlier. Big deal, eh? Lol. But I'm hoping every little bit helps. Great that you have sorted out a way to contact your psychiatrist privately. I think she may have an idea how to raise that issue in your next session. Yes, I live with imperfection better than I used to but still easily fall into the perfectionist trap. So cool you are reading at such a rate. I'm still going on my convict adventure, another thing I'm doing small bit by small bit.

@Mazarita every little bit does help! Did you get your folding put away?

isnt it amazing how we bounce off one another. @Mazarita and @Former-Member

About 7 years ago my sister-in-law told me her son never opened the blinds and that my son must be normal. She is a vice high-school principal .. and won teacher of the year .. so her opinion does carry weight ... so guess what .. I stopped opening the blinds at his end of the house .. he is happy and I am happy .. I just do it very occasionally ... so he can see LIGHT and the GARDEN ... and to remind me to get out there and check its all not out of control. he puts his perfectionism into music .. not housework ... of course.

@Mazarita I dont do making beds ... cos I am sure to be back in it sometime soon ... its just a doona ... for my eyes only ... I am very practical about my energy. Though I do a lot of things that people would call working for the council or community.

@Former-Member Wow! now that you have explained your living conditions ... your stress makes even more sense ... there comes a time when it is not romantic to live without running water. Good luck with it all ... at least you are living sustainably and when you are ready to move .. you will know that you can survive anything having survived these conditions.

@Former-Member Best of Luck tomorrow ...

and @PeppiPatty may I have extra chocolate on my cappucino perty pleez?

Of course @Appleblossom

Tomorrow, Im taking myself off to a support group just down the street.

Tomorrow morning to help the hub. out with seeing a Doctor.

I really need to learn how to get muyself in here.

xx

Dark Chocolate okay??

@Former-Member Yes, I did it. Also did another 10 on the exercise bike. Still feeling somewhat down and anxious for some reason tonight but better than earlier for doing a few things. Gotta move myself into the shower next...

Oh you are looking out for my health ... thanks ... my coffee lady likes hers extra hot and is teaching me to ask for whats not standard ... it feels weird ... I have an internal battle that its ridiculous.

First exchange of christmas goodwill pressies with students ...it was lovely: homemade bikkies and music scarf.

I said "sorry" again to my son as one of his pressies arrived ... a good quality heavy cotton navy dressing gown ... he has enough stuff ... I have to stop saying "sorry".

I ordered cat treats online for christmas ... if I have a few people to say hi to online ... I might even get over the shame of a quiet christmas .. and damn well ENJOY IT.

Hi @aButterfly

So glad you are on the forums.

Thanks for keeping us in touch with you...I'm trying to feel but Can't ....just cant imagine the 'dirty,' feel of dishes. Poor poor you. And that alcoholic.....omg.

Yes, the money is hard. I'm a fulltime carer for my husband .......but really I think he's caring for me beause I've not been coping very well lately.

how are you going tonight. Your partner sounds calm to me.......

Can you get a supportworker in to the farm to help you out?

I canot believe my absolute luck today. Both my 'lead,' of Silver Chain came over and had a look about how I was and...then my favourite of all time supportworker came. She helped me.......sew a bag for my sister in America. I felt like crying with joy that it was her. I've been trying to make a bag from this book for a long time but not seem to get it right and she just......Grabbed some baking paper, drew up the pattern, pinned all pins on material and got me to begin sewing it.

THEN ....the lead of Support Work came back.... and put her in for her to be my regular.

How are you @aButterfly ?

Im reading these posts...... they are inspirational..........

Then 241 of the girls in Poko Haram have been found and brought back....How wonderful.........

@Former-Member I so wish that you know that these things.....these little anxieties will fade in you ...you have a gift in that you choose to do things that are good for you longterm wellbeing.

Please remember to get the support worker to make phone calls for you. My support worker called public housing and told them all information about my stalker damaging and breaking my back gate and the screens on the screen doors.

Can you just write a list of things to do for this week? Its a great idea to keep on top of things honey.

To @aButterfly and @Maritza....public housing...well well....I live in public housing and I think that NIdis ,,,,,may,,,my dream,,,,make our housing permanent.

I live right on the beach in a 'good area.' The problems are from other public housing tenents.....drinking bad behaviour. A few older women who think they run the apartments......gossip....some older women thinking they rule the apartments and dob you in for coughing at midnight....

Dont cough at midnight.......

lol

@Appleblossom, It is wonderful that being on the forum can inspire small but significant action, as @Former-Member has helped me with today. I'm even all showered now and fit to come to @PeppiPatty's scone party. Not sure I can really redeem the blinds being shut at my place half the day sometimes. I'm aware it keeps me down in mood to do that. But your stories about your son have me relating to him despite our age difference. You can be sure I'm not perfectionist about making the bed.

@PeppiPatty, Glad you are going out to the support group, look forward to hearing how it goes. It's good to hear that your husband also cares for you when you need it. That's awesome that your favourite support worker is going to be your regular now. Really glad you had a nice day that way with people. I had to laugh at your description of public housing. I do cough at midnight so I could be in trouble, lol. Seriously though, I'm not sure there will be many other options for me in the long term. Private rental flats like I live in sometimes have their social problems too so maybe not a huge difference. We'll see...

LOL "don't cough at midnight"

I'm alright - fighting paranoia, depressed, anxious....

Yeah, I feel like my "mother in law" doesn't care about how stressful I find my living situation & thinks she has given us the world. She has helped, but I'm still incredibly stressed.... Meanwhile she is happy living on a farm with animals just like she dreamed yet still complains to ME about how much her rates cost! I have never even had the oppurtunity to work to save for a car or house - let alone a 160 acre farm due to no fault of my own - being severely mentally ill. Please complain to somwone who has the luxury to understand that kind of stress....

I need a psychologist - I need someone I can talk to by myself - My partner comes into all my sessions with my psychiatrist to give an objective veiw of how I am coping. However, sometimes I just want to see her by myself. The relationship counsellor we see together too & that may seem normal except that he doesn't talk about our relationship. He pretty much blamed me & my mental illness for the fights we were having & said my partner is a "remarkable man". Sure not many people experiencing schizophrenia have long term relationships, but I don't think that makes only the person without schizophrenia "remarkable" - do you??! My partner thinks he is helpful & when I said that I would see him by myself last week he wanted to know why etc. I ended up giving in & just seeing the lifeline counsellor together. He isn't even a psychologist. He is a social worker. He forgets details I have already shared constantly & I feel like a broken record. I told him about my traumas that triggered my mental illness to be debilitating & he said I was making him tired!! Is a health professional supposed to say that?? Or should they say that ever & what does it mean? It makes him tired - ummmm, I've lived it & I am tired & you are telling me to be proactive & stop making excuses about my sleep hygiene (before giving me a chance to explain how the medications effect me & how I try pretty damn hard to have as best sleep hygeine as I can). Also, I don't think it helps that he is male.

Anyhow, I'm sounding really bitter & twisted. I'm just frustrated & feeling like no one truly understands me & no one wants to help me, but my partner (However, he isn't perfect - so his efforts to help aren't always what I actually need)...

I see Partners in Recovery on Friday after yoga. I'll tell them my issues - major depression, generalised anxiety, schizophrenia, eating disorder demons & tell them I just need someone warm & empathetic to talk to - someone who exercises too if possible, so they can understand me & it is easier to talk to about the eating disorder demons... Really wanted someone who does "CBT for psychosis" in case I need intervention when I reduce my antipsychotic dose further... I'm searching for the immpossible..... bar too high @Mazarita??!

Sorry for the rant - yes it was a rant. Thanks for being here for me @PeppiPatty, @Mazarita, @Appleblossom, @Former-Member