Night Shift

It is so hard to taper off when it is something that can be done every minute of the day ... the desire and temptation are ever present ...I smoked up to 50 cigs a day ... a pack at work and a pack at home.

I agree with @eth... distraction helps .. a change of scene helps ... short circuits the habitualness of it ... then I would often get down to the last cigarette ... and carry that around as long as I could resist ... the positive and surprising feeling of air in my lungs ... when I succeeded a bit gave me motivation ... to stick at it.

You'll find what works for you @Mazarita

Thanks for your faith in me, @Appleblossom and thanks for your suggestion too, @eth. I tend to smoke a lot less cigarettes when there is no herb and feel better for it. I know this well and yet the compulsion has still overtaken me for a long time. Unfortunately too the herb is very easy for me to access. I am going to put in place one artificial barrier to access tonight by asking partner just not to give me any no matter how much I beg. (Just about everyone I know here is into the herb).

Maybe you can play a mind game with yourself and grow culinary herbs ... it will help with recipes ... and health ...

Hi @Appleblossom, @Mazarita, @eth & @Former-Member....

Thanks for all your kind words.

I don't have another counsellor at the moment @Appleblossom - I tried 3 different psychologists this year using the mental health plan. I have 3 sessions left, but I found none of them particularly helpful. Before I moved out here last year - I saw a psychologist for 6 & 1/2 years. I miss her as a person in my life. Partners in Recovery in my catchment area rang again today & I had to re-hash some of my pain , problems, issues - they said they will have a meeting on Thursday to access whether the program will help me or not. I just would like someone to help me find a psychologist who does 'CBT for psychosis' & someone to help me apply my government housing.....

I have never smoked cigs or "herb", so I have no personal advice. I just know the ecigs helped my partner quit.

I had a bad day. I woke up qith a niggling little headache & didn't go to yoga 😞 I should of gone despite the headache - it wasn't that bad - I just also felt deeply depressed... I just slept & laid in bed most of the day... Now I feel pretty crap, because I broke the routine I've created for the last month or so....

@Former-Member Very cool that you have never smoked. I didn't take it up until I was 35 (after the end of my marriage when I went hypermanic). Started as a very minor habit and gradually grew into a big problem over the years. I've gone the whole day without herb today and few cigs, so way ahead of the game plan with my psychologist for this day anyway. Are you happy with your psychiatrist? It would be good to know you have at least one professional support person who you feel is helping you. I know the feeling of staying inside and lying on the bed all day, always leaves me feeling crap too. Try not to be too hard on yourself about breaking routine, just take it one day after another. You are dealing with difficult emotions and it helps to be gentle on ourselves in that state I think.

@Former-Member Sounds like you did it very tough around the time you gave up smoking in uni. Typical of you it seems to get through difficult circumstances with grace and resilience. The weird thing with me is that, over my whole life, even as a smoker, I have not liked it. I've been badly addicted to something that I don't even like. Very weird.

I had a similar feeling about smoking tobacco and cigs ... @Mazarita I smoked them from 16 - 29ish. My mother told me how she always wanted to try them and was naughty and pinched her mother's cigs and smoked them outside but was caught by her mum cos of smoke rising while she was upstairs on the balcony ... It was crazy the amount of Kudos smoking had in the 30s and 40s ... tobacco was a form of currency in the WWII.

It was her attempt at understanding our generations's drug culture

I never had the actual feeling of wanting smoke or pinch anyone's cigs at all ... just people always pressuring me to have them ... brother, cousin, "friends" etc ... I would put them off some of the time and agree some of the time .. and in the end ... smoked heavily for a while. Like @Former-Member it was babies that tipped the balance for me .. it was so obviously not a good thing for them ... so had to cut down not smoke around them and quit ... without that incentive I doubt I would have had the strength.

When I read Noam Chomsky and the deliberate development of the tobacco industry in the Southern States of America I became even more angry at capitalism.

We all struggle with different things ... for me it is still too much food and nail biting ...that is why the forums are good ... in that they do allow discussions to twist and turn and be about all things in life ... and how we got to where we are ...

Its funny @Former-Member I got the babysitting jobs too ... but we are all here .. on the planet ... talking about mundane things and serious things ... and that is good ...

Sometimes I get overtaken by my heavy headaches and stop posting ... I dont mean to be rude and just fade out but it can come on quite quickly ... its been lovely to just be able to pick up the thread where it left off.

@Former-Member Good luck with finding people ... I saw one today. I almost gave up on this latest new psychologist but I researched her online found something I liked and decided to perservere ... it will be ok ... It is walking distance .... which is important ... and it is free ... and she is just a lady trying to be nice but she gets "real" too ...