Night Shift

You are doing really well @Mazarita with maintaining a routine - I bet the beach walks are especially therapuetic....

No, I don't think I have had aspirations that worked out....

Thanks re recognising my commitment to making my relationship work....

@Former-MemberYour new job oppurtunity sounds exciting. How long has it been since you have worked?

I'm really tired....

Sorry, if I didn't reply to everything....

Hi @Mazarita

I am ok ... today was filled with walking, train trips, first rehearsal for opera, a nap, fish and chips and wacthing Breaking Bad with my son. It was a lovely day.

He is sporting a new beard and looked great rehearsing the Matador Chorus from La Traviata ... with a whole lot of mostly young hunky tenors. ... I was proud mum in the back row of the alto line ... his girl was sitting next to me.

How are you?

Dear @eth hope you are doing fine ...

Hi @Appleblossom - I'm really pleased to hear you had a lovely day!

@Former-Member Thanks. I'm worried I won't sleep well tonight, as I slept almost half the day away & didn't do much today. It sounds like you haven't had a big break from working/studying, so I have faith you will do well in the new year!

@Appleblossom Sounds like an interesting, entertaining, well-rounded day. I'm okay today. Walk on the beach was good, legs are feeling so much better than they were a few months ago. Aside from that it's been a slow one. A few basic tasks, some home exercise and stretching, and spending time here on the forum.

Hello @Former-Member

It sounds as if you have a ot going on in your life ... you are far more than your MI ... I have an arts degree .. in Politics and Literature ... I converted it back from honours to a pass degree as I was overwhelmed with family and children ... then later I went back to my old alama mater and finished a Creative Writing Diploma ... and other bits and pieces ... all throughout my life.

Like @Former-Member I like the structure of formal education ... I may go back ... but am also working on socialising and "having fun" ... for some that is an oxymoron ... as well as getting son out and about.

Scizophrenia has been an integral part of my life although I have not been clearly diagnosed with it.

We read Atonement in our Book Club groups ... when I worked for a local community centre.

I had 2 fully qualified sports psychologists help me with my neck and spine issues ... one male and one female .. and they both left me with different tools ...

Also there was also a guy at my local gym with just a Cert III in Rehab who was helpful too ... there may be a range of options ... and maybe part-time work is a good first goal rather than the "big" career. I have known a lot of people with the big career ... and they arent always the happiest people ... sometimes they seem the angriest ...

Dont know what to say about counsellor ... and your relationship ... good luck with both partner and the process... but I value this forum as an outlet ... I never had anyone to talk to properly when I was in relationship ... and am curious about other's experiences ... and try to be empathic ... I dont know if it comes naturally or I just keep trying to be goody goody (I also have Counselling Cert etc)

I liked the idea of "Carefrontation" as opposed to confrontation ... it seemed good in theory anyway

cheers

Your day sounds well rounded too @Mazarita

My feet and legs are aching ... not used to the beating they are getting ... yesterday .... there were "trespassers" on the track and we had to get off train at North Melbourne and walk to Southern Cross ... and lots of other walks ... but I feel good for it. Needed my little nap though.

Hey @Appleblossom - Thank you for your kind words. I find it hard to remember that I am more than my mental illnesses. It feels like I am reminded that I am "sick" a million times a day by myself, what I can & can't do, others, what I do & don't have, society...

Today I was experiencing voices... although at the time they were telling me that they were entities and not to call them voices. I felt like I had lost myself physically & didn't know where I was while they were talking to me. I think it lasted 20 - 30 minutes. I don't know what pulled me back to reality.

I don't think I will ever have the big career, but I would like to work part time helping people.... I know I'm far too unwell at the moment to do so & I don't know when I will be able to study again. I hope soon.... I enjoy learning....

I'm going to crash now....

@Former-Member Enjoy hitting the sack. Earlier this week I spent a few long days in bed ... 18-20 hours day sleep I had a dissappointment ... but managed to force myself to get up to get across town and catch trains both Saturday and Sunday ...

Mostly I keep my expectations achievable ... I believe that a lot of learning can happen on the job .. it used to be the way a lot more when I was young though .... I also know that I have done a lot of good unpaid work ... so now I try to acknowledge myself as a worker even though I am on a Disability Pension. I do my best and my hours are topsy ... and I have a lot of self talk too .... a big mental head space ... gees I'd have loved if the shrink had actually been able to shrink my head ... never mind ... I saw a tiny little published shrink today ... at the opera chorus ... not sure I would want to be his patient ...

its not that I am sizist ... but I grew up with people telling me the best things were in small packages ... and I am tall ... think what that did to my self esteem ... I felt like an oversized monster most of my life and hardly small delicate and feminine like a good woman was supposed to be. Then I thought my offspring were 2nd rate becasue they were related to me ... somehow we were inferior ... I know thats not true ... but they are the type of voices that do battle in my head.

Some good news this morning. I've been accepted into the Phams scheme and will receive a call from my peer support person on Thursday or Friday. She was at the assessment interview and, from what I could tell from one meeting, we seem like a good fit. I'm excited and anxious at the same time about starting a new, probably more intensive program of activity. I'm scared I'm going to spin out emotionally and fail. I'm not giving into those thoughts right now though because I am not failing at this minute. In fact I'm slowly moving forward, mostly keeping an even keel.