Night Shift

@Former-Member,

Two fun runs sounds impressive to me. Good on you for being into that and doing them this year, though there have been other challenges. I have done a total of zero fun runs in my life. Yes, it's small stepping stones for me too. Lately they have been slowly adding up here.

I did do a unit in English Literature at Uni but discontinued before I completed it. Aside from that I have read widely over the course of my life in a self-taught kind of way. For my most recent burst of reading I sourced classic literature from the free online library, Project Gutenberg.

I do have meaning in my life through the relationships with my partner, my mum, my friends close and far. I appreciate the fact that I'm alive just for its own sake. But I feel a need to be more engaged in something that is about utilising and developing my abilities and contributing more to the community in some way.

Glad to hear PIR did call you on Friday and that you will be able to get back to them on Monday. I am interested to hear how you go and hopeful something helpful might come of it for you.

*hug* back atcha

@Former-Member: Glad to hear you had the nice catch up with your friend/colleague. I agree that tiredness might be playing a big role in how you feel just now. And maybe a bit of emotional 'fallout' after getting the old house packed up and into storage. There is an understandable process of letting go that you might be going through. It also seems natural to have thoughts bouncing around in a number of different directions when you are in a state of change in an ongoing way for now. Great that you did have some positive bursts of energy through the last week and feelings of hope and faith that things will be okay.

Hi @Former-Member...

Are you feeling any better after some rest?

What job are you going to start?

I've got my hopes up about a lot of 'positive things' in my adult life & they just haven't panned out, so I can emphasise with how you are feeling about the future. Something is happening like that at the moment... I don't know if it will pan out & it makes me anxious, because I really want it to.... If that makes sense. I can't talk about it in detail, as I'm paranoid....

How is everyone today? I had a bad day - I spent most of it in bed - I was so tired I actually slept half the day away & then just layed in bed, because I was depressed. I did briefly go out with partner to get a few groceries.

Tomorrow my partner & myself have an appointment with the relationship counsellor at lifeline. I feel like he blames me for all the conflict, because I am the one with the mental illness. He said my partner was a "remarkable man" the first time we saw him after quite a few screaming matches & my partner telling me to leave & calling me a "psychiatric case" etc. etc. (a lot is so painful I forgot what was said) Yes, I know not many people with schizophrenia have long term relationships (12 years in our case), but doesn't that say something about me as well??? The next session he focused on MY depression & anxiety. What about my partners carers fatigue & how he responds to my depression, anxiety, ptsd, paranoia??? At least we haven't had any fights since seeing the counsellor..... Still why is all my fault??

@Mazarita Thank you I'm glad you have meaningful relationships to treasure & enjoy. I think you were talking about voluntering in one thread? I have done some enjoyable volunteer work. Hopefully you can find something that suits you well!?

Hi @Former-Member,

Volunteering is something that seems like a possibility but probably longer term. For now I'm still focussing on getting through a basic list of activities each day including exercise bike, stretching, walking, basic domestics etc., and trying to get out of the flat more. Small steps add up to distances. Maybe that's what my beach walks are teaching me, one foot after another.

I know what you mean about getting your hopes up about lots of positive things that don't pan out. I've had this experience a number of times and understand how it can take a toll. Are there times when you have had aspirations that worked out really well?

Great that you made the trip to the shops with your partner. I'm doing this once a week with my partner too as of about a month ago. But we cancelled our shopping trip today. We did get out walking though.

Sorry you are having difficulty with the couples therapy. Twelve years says something good about the ability of both of you to commit and work at a long term relationship. Wishing you a more satisfying experience with the counsellor tomorrow.

I second @Mazarita's comments. @Former-Member Congrats on doing the move .. living through the court stuff ... and doing the mama thing. There are so many things that can open up in the future. For a while you will be totally exhausted ... keep remembering the gleams of hope.

Hi @Appleblossom, hope you are travelling well this evening.

@eth, It must be getting close to the time of your trip now. Hoping you have a wonderful time if we don't meet on the forum again before you leave. Thinking of you with warm wishes.