Night Shift

Hi @Former-Member

Yes my cats often sat on the book when I was studying ... as I used to have to read with my head down low on the pillow. :

Then they thought they could sit on the computer keyboard when I was sitting up with that

Finally we have found a balance where we are all happy

I am still their butler.

@Former-Member

So glad you got the job done. When you have sorted out the court and legal essential who will be able to build a life again ... sometimes a lot can come together quickly ... I guess it is just best to lay low and accept the support around you.

The RPg game my son has shown me ... is very cute ... we laugh a lot with it ... a recurring motto throughout is:

"you feel determined"

I wish you gain that inner strength as you go through the daily necessities ...

Missed my psychologist appointment today, got the times mixed up. In some ways it's a relief because I haven't done well with the smoking reduction over this first week. Only managed to hit my target once and overall smoked just as much this week as the week before. There was also a fair bit more anxiety about it because I was trying not to without success. I have often thought what I have is a compulsion with the act of smoking. At one point it was as though I wasn't even involved with it but that my hands, arms, legs and body were going through the ritual without me. Anyway, I'm hoping I do better this coming week so that I've got something happier to report back to him next week.

Hi @Mazarita - Have you tried ecigs to help you stop smoking? That is how my partner gave it up after 20 years & trying gum, patches, medications etc. Good luck!

Hi @Former-Member - Sorry I didn't see your message earlier... It is very sad you had to say goodbye to your pets. I hope you find some stability soon....

Stability... that is what the lifeline relationship counsellor said I need....

Hi @Former-Member, ecigs is one of my backup plans if I don't manage to give up with this series of ten weekly sessions with the psychologist. I've only had two sessions so far and one week of trying to cut back.

A weird night at the friend's birthday party on Friday 13th. At one point I was out on the balcony, crying (alone, thankfully). How embarrassed I felt to find myself in this state in a social situation. A small group of men, and me, not an understanding environment for tears. Lots of calming self talk slowed down the flow. And then a visit to the toilet where I cried some more in private and gave myself more calming self talk, cleared the tears almost completely. Back out on the balcony, with company this time, managed to get into some social banter again. But felt strange and not quite together for the rest of the night. Until everyone was happy at the end and friends. Weird vibes flowing around that party tonight. I was weird too.

@Former-Member,

It was uncomfortable tonight, and yet there were enjoyable moments too. And it ended on an upnote. The person who's birthday it was is in a difficult place in his life, which often has a fair bit of hardship anyway. He gets grumpy about some things pretty easily and I think I might have said something that got to him. I can be socially awkward at times and do or say the wrong things. I'm trying not to worry about it too much. But I'm also aware that it may be a weird dynamic, me usually being the only woman in a group of men there. There's always alcohol involved too though I don't drink to extremes myself. It's not the first time that I've felt shaken by something that's happened there. I may not go back for a while.

Weird with that movie starting on its own!