Night Shift

I am @Former-Member

How was your day ?

Good to 'see' you @Faith-and-Hope. I was hoping you would be. My day was up and down. Ended up SOS ing my therapist who helped me devise a plan to get through. I'm feeling ok for now. How was your day? I'd love to hear

@Former-Member

Quite lazy actually 😊

I have been running my butt off all week, physically and emotionally, trying to keep this family glued together through our latest dramas, and succeeded !! so I was very thankful to arrive at a Boarder's Weekend and not have to take my daughter (D3) to school.

I did take a walk with D1 early in the day, but didn't go as far as I had become used to, the events of the last month have meant I have only been walking down to a coffee shop at the river, not along it, and my legs were feeling it. I only managed half my usual distance, but that's okay. Need to ease back into it a bit, methinks.

Congratulations on succeeding. I'm so glad you get to see all your hard work paying off. My son had the day off too for a school closure so I got to sleep in. You must live in a lovely part of the world. Sounds lovely to be able to walk along the river to a coffee shop. I think that's part of what I'm missing at the moment. Finding time to do the little things that make a difference. Actually it's probably more motivation. I have the time.

You will get there @Former-Member. Take the time you need ..... 🌷

It is important to be gentle with yourself.

@Faith-and-Hope I'm about to ask a personal question and please don't feel obliged to answer. Do you ever get down to the point you can't find enough reasons for staying. I'm not asking this in crisis right now but just generally.

@Faith-and-Hope,

i guess it's a BPD thing. I'm asking you because I feel like your on top of this or possibly can't identify with it. I guess I'm still trying to process so much.

Hey @comet. I'd love to hear from you. I just saw your empty post and gathered you must be working on my favourite trick. 😜

I don't mind you asking at all @Former-Member. I am glad you feel you can .....

The answer is complicated though.

It is very clear that my husband is unwell with a mental illness, evidenced by an eating disorder that blind-sided us completely. If I thought the behaviours he is locked into at the moment were part of his personality, or simply personal choices he was making, my next step would be to try to work through the issues with him, try to find a workable solution that we as a couple, and our kids who are still at home, could live with.

i don't give up on relationships easily. I think most of us don't. It is very important though to work out what you can or can't live with. You have to believe in your own integrity, and trust in it, but that is rarely easy when things are going wonky.

Prior to this, I had no real understanding about the MI effects of an eating disorder. I thought references to that side of an ED were centred firmly in body dysmorphia - thinking you are bigger than you actually are. It was the biggest shock to find ourselves (speaking for the kids as well) faced with mental distortions of reality, personality changes, intense mood swings, emotional abuse, emotional absence, and deceptions.

It came on gradually, and these behaviours have been random, so it was difficult to understand what was happening, and trying to field things in the moment has been very hard. In his altered state of mind, I also can't be sure what sort of consequences we might have been faced with if I tried to leave, and whether it was / is better to stay and keep trying to get him diagnosed and treated is the best choice.

Without saying anything much more about that at this time, it seems to be coming through by degrees, but our most difficult stage may be somewhere just ahead of us.

I am just continuing to walk forward in faith and hope, believing it is right for us to do so.

💜

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope. My experiences that led me to be here (complex mi) rocked me to my core. I don't dwell on it anymore and have mostly dealt with it but I lost what little identity I had.