@Jacques It is significant that they have been able to reach out to you and that you have worked with them in a way so that they do trust you. But when it gets too much, you need to protect yourself psychologically.
Whatever they ultimately choose is not your responsibility. We can influence, lead a horse to water, but we cannot make it drink. So I ask you to make a little section in your heart for the despairing people in this world, but just a little section. You dont have to put all your energy and socialising into that basket. Draw from a range of sources, there will be those who nourish you and those you can help, but that is all. There is an area where we take peronal responsibility for our own actions .. and they for theirs.
Its good to see you and the other guys pop onto this thread. I think we are all richer when both sexes mingle in harmony.
@PeppiPatty tell BigBuddha that Apple sent him to the naughty corner. Why keep the battle of the sexes alive .. its so dumb and wasteful. With your loyalty to him ... he better be worth it .. of I'll holler at him from the opposite end of our sunburned country.
@Mazarita and @Silenus and @eth ... re DSP
Because I had the job of being a sickness benefit assessor at Social Security early on in my life, I found the discussion and issues around the DSP very interesting. Yes the media have been awful which came out recently with the Storrar vilification. The person who gave me the hardest time was my brother and sister-in-law. I felt the pain and the shame but my attitude is bouncing back again because it has all been so bloody unfair.
Its crazy, but lots of other people have had a go at me, playing testing games on me about my neck and being skeptical. I always have to jump through hoops to prove myself. I dont mind honest skepticism, but when I never received honest support from friend or family and had to rely only on medicos for the last 15 years for the barest of acknowledgement. Eventually the medicos have realised that my situation is genuine and my GP suggested I claim the DSP, not me. Its taken a very long time and that has taken its toll on my confidence and my life and thus my son's life. I have never realised how inadequate my situation has been, til recently. I was raised to be a cheerful stoic.
It has also made me firm with people who have abused my friendship and openness and been hurtful. I think lately some people are beginning to realise that they have been harsh. When I went to the dinner dance last week 2 of the conservative ladies in the writers group gave me very warm and appreciative hugs, as a way of saying they are sorry they did not really believe my story. I had read some deep poems about my grief ... my story is very confronting I guess ... and the church choir is beginning to turn around a bit.
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But still I had run-ins with the "new" chamber choir I had joined where the not doing full-time work and being on a pension actually became an issue! I felt harrassed when I was paying the dues and generously supporting the fundraisers. I checked that my musicianship and singing was up to standard and it was. So I was pulling my weight financially and musically. I am pissed.
They put up the cost of membership which I paid without complaint. Can you believe this cheek .. a lady said to my face that she "wondered how much of a price rise would squeeze me out of the choir". (Cos I was on the pension.) I havent been back since then .. though I had weathered the increase .. I started speaking about it and was reprimanded by the president of the choir ... but I really feel it has to be addressed .. as they also like to big note themselves on the disability issue .. yet did that to me ... it preceded my very big flare up where I was very suicidal last year ... I will deal with it in due course .. I have more important things to deal with now that my time on the waiting list with the Royal Commission is coming to an end ... but I feel like going to the Ombudsman about a Berry St worker. Though this was a social situation. The pres said I was a valued member of the choir but that I shouldnt speak about the other lady who was being bloody horrible ... cos she helped the pres manage the choir finances. They actually refunded my payment rather than have me vocalise .... is it my poor skills or ...
The fire in my belly against stigma is rising.
There is definitely stigma and rejection out there ... its not in our imaginations.
My psychologist today was surprised I was only getting 10 and not the 20 counselling sessions per year all the others in the same boat do... so I have been phoning around to find out what my true entitlement is. Its a lot of phoning around ... would put off a less determined soul ... I just have to sort out the organisations that I have to approach ... Vic or NSW. I have got bigger fish to fry with the Royal Commission .. but will get back to the other choir .. as its personal now. I have tried not to hold grudges in my life but I am so sick of "letting go" and being played for a fool. It will just go on my to-do list and be a reason to stay around. Sorry for the long rant.
