Night Shift

Yes ... it is good that my son and i can share music ... he only started at 16 ... at first I thought he was going to do things with computers.

May I ask how old you were when you went into the mhu?

I momentarily struggled to read your post ... not sure whether you had one or 2 girls ... but then realised the "they" is about being agender... I'll get used to it. Glad you have a sense of family with her.

I did all the forgiveness things too regarding mother and daughters etc and I still hold out hope for daughters ... never say never etc but I cant actually invest any more energy into reaching out ... it paralyses me ... they know where to find me ...

I was 35 when the mhu stuff happened the first time, went in about 4 times over a few months. Have had 2 admissions since, at age 37 and 46 (I'm now 52) but during all those prior periods I was still having adverse reactions to medications as well as post-traumatic reactions and undiagnosed bipolar mania. Since being diagnosed accurately last time I was in, put on appropriate meds and taken off the problem ones, and having good psychiatric and psychology support recently I am MUCH more stable and would be surprised if it goes that far again. I've made so much more progress with self-management too, and a particular major lifestyle change that has also helped a lot.

I too had to reach a stage with my child and my mother where I let go of them completely for a long time and let them come to me. As they say, 'if you love something, let it go ...' You have to be strong to do it but it's important to recognize your own needs and have some boundaries that stop them from being able to push your buttons.

It sounds like you have sorted a lot out. @eth

Sounds as if it was horrific for you and your daughter for a long time.

I have never been admitted to hospital ... never made an suicide attempt ... but acted pretty strangely for my kids etc ..mostly out of control tears so anger ..... but now that I have had a good look around the general community nothing that out of hand ... see plenty of mums disciplining in ways far too extreme for either my style or beliefs .... never been properly diagnosed with MI ... tho not from want of my trying to get one ! The only meds I have been on are anti deps and some relaxants.

My NEW current GP is talking about getting a proper diagnosis as she says I will get better treatment when that happens ... but then she just wants to see me about once a month and is giving me double sessions ... generally I am just grateful for what I get ... always very concerned NOT to rock the boat ... never had the luxury of doing that YET and I am getting on ... I am 55 ...

I hope it does not distress you being frank about things.

So far I'm ok with our discussions. If we can't be frank here then where?! It is hard to get a diagnosis if not as an inpatient because it's so rare to find a psychiatrist who will bulk bill and they cost so much. I found a psychologist under the mental health care plan and they in turn wrote to a psychiatrist they knew and put my case to them. Luckily he agreed to bulk bill me so I know I'm lucky with that at least. Maybe you could try for the same process. Since seeing him he's changed me onto meds that work much better for me than what the hospital put me on in 2009 (that helped somewhat but now is much better).

But I don't mean to say it's all about meds. CBT, mindfulness, talk therapy, record keeping all come into the picture. It took me over 25 years of seeking to get this support that is working for me, and recently my psychology sessions were all used up. Seeing the psychiatrist this week and planning to ask to see him a little more often or what else he suggests until I can have psychology again next year.

Yes I agree it is best to have a mix of psychotherapy and meds if needed.

It sounds as if the system is finally being able to meet your needs ... I think I would like a similar set up ... a psychiatrist and a psychologist ... just to test myself and somewhat in response to my old GPs opinions I weaned myself off regular psychologist late last year ... she wasnt doing that much for me ... made a big deal about giving me a special rate etc but it was still $30 out of pocket and I didnt think she earned that let alone the medicare rebate ...

At the moment I am reading an article in the New York Times about toilet debates for Transgender people in American schools .. as my kids have a US passport I try and keep in touch with their zeitgeist.

I tried to encourage my daughter to many events ... music camp with my son and I ...but mostly she refused everything ... its the typical way they ALL have treated me just block anything from mum ... do what they want and BLOCK hmmm .... its taken a while to stand up to son ... but if I had done it sooner I may not have him alive at all ...so I "watchfully wait".

The last fun event daughter and i had was when she was about 23. I invited her to a hip hop workshop ... she panicked half way through ... she seemed to be enjoying herself and then did an about turn, put the brakes on and left with a series of attach at me ... half way through .... then I saw her a few years later she agreed to meet on a park bench for a christmas exchange on Boxing day ... she was extremely distressed at the happenings at her father's the day before ... but I could not control that and was not even an eye witness ... she realises her dad isnt perfect ... but only visits him ... has refused to come to my house ... I always go across town to meet her at some designated public place,,, its extremely delicate ... the last time I saw her was at my mother's funeral ... She wont respond to emails.

My child is now 27 so maybe just a few years older than your daughter. That might make all the difference. Sometimes time is the only thing that will help. They need to 'individuate' and that often involves rejecting us. They say we all rebel against our parents - I was an unconventional hippy for many years so mine has rebelled by being pretty conservative(!), but I'm happy about that now. Sounds as though you really have made efforts with yours.

PS I had to look up zeitgeist!

Our daughters are actually the same age. I have not been allowed to see her often since I left my husband and she was 14.

I have been long aware of the individuation issues ... put much effort into separating out all 3 children etc .. I think that hand overplayed in this instance.

Also the rebellion thing ... not impressed any more ... it is an ideological construction like any other ... was glad when I finally got Indian students who werent overly corrupted by excessive exposure to American style media.

Yes I was a little like a hippy but only stopped having mother around for dinner at my place for 2 weeks ... NEVER excluded anybody .. bent over backwards

Finished that article and researching more an agender ... I find it quite a liberating stance ... I definitely identifiy more as a person than of either gender ... and think that the nonbinary.org site is interesting.

My daughter is living with her old teacher. ... so at times I can get cranky about teachers preaching ... no not christianity ... but other stuff ... some atheists can really PONTIFICATE. More papal than the Hindus.

Non-binary is the word I couldn't think of the other night when you asked me about agender. (I kept thinking 'not bipolar' and knew it was wrong!). Thanks for reading about it. It's nice to talk with someone who gets it. It's partly my support for my adult child's coming out that has helped us get closer. ( I find not saying 'my daughter' the hardest as that's who I raised. Also them becoming a parent has really changed a lot of their attitudes towards me.

I too find anyone of any belief system preaching their beliefs a serious pain. It must be difficult for you to hear it 2nd hand from your child. So do you have two daughters and one son? You haven't really said anything about your 3rd child.

I have one child at home (son) ... gave birth to 2 children (son and daughter) ... and raised 3 (another daughter (also exhusband's with lady he met in Royal Park)

maybe if you are not allowed to say daughter I can cope with all the werd things my mind has gone thourgh over my family kinship links ....... my mother was big on her being the NATURAL mother ... but I have had to hone things even further and come to understand issues re being a biological or non-biological mother

I wasnt allowed the luxury of being a natural mother .... to all 3 of my children ... ie felt for ced into feeling states most unnatural.

I took on my oldest fulltime at 6 weeks ... we were very worried as her biological mother had been on anti-psycotics during her prgnance didnt know she was pregnant or didnt care ... it was her 2nd pregnancy and 2nd child she gave up.

The girls are closer in age 16 months apart ... had twin pusher etc.

I can only imagine how full-on it must have been for you raising 3 children. I only had one, although they have very low vision (legally blind) due to being 3 months premmie. The Dr ruptured my membrane doing a pap smear at 25 weeks and they were born a week later. The first few years were full of delayed milestones and early intervention services so I can relate to the tension of not knowing how serious the health problems might be. But eventually mine caught up and now operates independently and is more 'out there' in the world than I am. How did things work out with yours? Even if it's not a 'biological' kinship, I believe if you raise them then you are their mother, even if they have another mother too. You do the mothering.