Night Shift

Your right @Appleblossom I am so scared of getting stretched again.My friend told me that since Ive been a little girl I had this....very intricate dance around my parents to keep them both satisfied. This is what Imscared of. And then, I choose My husband....Im seeing her tomorrow to ask her about this. It is starting to feel like I just want to be her friend and you guys around me now

But my husband doesnt want me to feel stretched around him or feel stressed.

The Stretched Thing can be huge. It can be ok if we need to grow a little bit but no good if we are stretched all out of shape and start to tear.

That is one reason why I like the foetal position.

Does your husband know how to speak gently to you ... so when he is giving street directions while you are driving you can feel it as support rather than beiing yanked this way and that. Vocal quality (not singing) can have a lot to do with how we feel about being next to people.

I am not sure if your mum will be able to answer your question honestly. My mother never could .. once they live behind a mask for too long there is too much pride invested in maintaining it. Ask if you have to ... in the end I just made a decision to protect self with my mother ... so our last year was as good as it could be ... and I could live with my conscience. In that year I only made 3 statements which were "harsh" to her but absolutely necessary for me to maintain my authenticity without completely dissociating and becoming false, superficial and putting on an act. I gave up on wanting what she could not give.

One of them she had to agree to ... to the nurse ... as it was true and about my father .. but mostly we had companionable visits and I played recorder to her playing piano.

Take care bella

hello everyone

@Mazarita @Jacques

@Jacques @lisajane @hiddenite @MoonGal @Former-Member@Angel333 @chookmojo AmiRemixed @Sakurapuss @Simack @Lucky2015

@Appleblossom, @PeppiPatty, I find if i am upset about something than My husband is upset too

@Shaz51 ?? can you talk about it ??

Heya @Shaz51 - thats the same with my kids, when i'm stressed, so are they - are you guys ok?

I really needed to read that @Appleblossom

Thank you

My youngest son has asked if he can move in with me because he isnt living in a good home. But I answered him saying that my home is too small. It breaks my heart but you know.....if he spent time with me in the past 6 years, I might...be a little more ...available to him but he hasnt

My husband works hard at doing the right thing. The past week has been awful and very stressful. It's weird today....it's like, a veiled piece of material has come off his eyes and he's so kind and aware of ....me.

We are very motivated to be kind to each other......but I will reread your message because theres something in that what you write and Ille word it in my way to him

Thankyou again.....

I like reading your messages re your mother. It DOes feel like.....some pain has fallen on the wayside.....does it feel like that to you ??

xx

Hi @Appleblossom and @PeppiPatty

My mum has her own views of things that she did or didnt do... what kind of person she is and was never able to admit to being wrong/evil/awful.... I like how you said that once they've worn the mask for some time they can't answer honestly... i wonder if in some part they actually rationalise to themselves so much that the views the present are actually what they end up believing - that they lie to themselves for long enough that they believe their own lies? does that makes sense? I do think my mother believes her own lies in any case... but may be different for your mothers in the past/present...

LJ

Thank you @PeppiPatty, @Former-Member,

yes yesterday was stressful, and depression runs in my hubby family , and our daughter joined us yesterday and i can see the signs in her too , we went and saw my father inlaw as well and he is not doing too good

but today , hubby brought me some roses and we are having our sister and brother in law over for dinner tonight so i have a roast in the oven cooking

Dear @Former-Member

It's shocking what you have had to break away from.

And your back at work......

I've been thinking ,,,,,as my Mum is so narcassistic, that maybe it's a .......generational thing. I was thinking.....about the meaning of modernism and post modernism and remember Im not the cleverest on the block

Someone told me that ....moderism definition in the 60's meant ; thinking about yourself.

Modernism on WIICopedia writes;

A notable characteristic of modernism is self-consciousness and irony concerning literary and social traditions, which often led to experiments with form, along with the use of techniques that drew attention to the processes and materials used in creating a painting, poem, building, etc.................................................................

Some commentators define modernism as a mode of thinking—one or more philosophically defined characteristics, like self-consciousness or self-reference, that run across all the novelties in the arts and the disciplines.[

Througout the years, when I was younger, I used to challenge her why she put me in a Psychiaiatric hospital when I was 16 and my Dad worked so hard at trying to get me out. I knew...my Dad knew it was because she didnt want me around when she got a new boyfriend. She still justifies herself with stories of the police but .....I was there.....there was no police.

But like you @Former-Member....this b.......... story she fantacised about.......it keeps her sane. The pain that this used to cause me......a long time ago was huge. She denied my memories. Shr denied my version of the whole time I was there. Now......I dont care.

hi @Former-Member

I think mothers can , some what to protect their families that is becomes a habit , even when the children have all grown up - they can still not tell the whole story or tell you how they are really feeling