Night Shift

Hi @PeppiPatty,

Anne what a wonderful story, what an emotional time for you, it struck a cord with me because i often wonder how people are that i have hurt in the past, i feel so sorry and i wonder if people who have done me wrong feel sorry also.

I build up such a hatred of people who hurt me, i struggle to see them as anything other than the enemy.

It was so nice of that man to express his sorrow in such a straight forward manner, he sounds like a man whom is troubled by his past.

wishing you luck that you can find a good friendship with him. it would be so nice to see you add another friend to your social circle 🙂

hugs

Jacques

DEar @Jacques

This is an idea...it might not suit you but it has helped me.

I also have a list,,,,,,it's called ..."Your own list of people who have done you wrong. more importantly you have done nothing wrong to deserve this."

But you are better than this @Jacques

This is what I do because I struggle with this all the time;

I write cards to people who have done me right. I try and write a card a fortnight at least....hopefully a card a week. I want to write a card to Paul Kelly, the songwriter. A long time ago, I used to be able to sit backstage at his concerts but I dont want to tell him this. I just want to write to him and tell him ...that his music helped me in twisty times and whenever I hear his music, I feel joy for my own life now.

It doesnt matter if you dont get a reply but a nice card, is not common these days and I also write cards to people on my facebook list to just ask how they are and that Im thinking of them. Ive written to.........say a shop (small- homeowned) to write I enjoy seeing what they have in their shop.

I think it helps the pain from the past heal.

Do you think that this is what you would do?? By the way, I cannot get your mother's beautiful tapestry out of my mind. I have ordered two tapestries on Amazon which are my type of tapestries one os a pair of pillowcases and one is candlewick picture

@Jacques blessings to you PP

Hi @PeppiPatty,

What a wonderful idea, i would struggle to write to anyone from my past for fear of them wanting to make contact again, but i think i could write a thankyou but not post it.

I seem to live my life in my past all the time, i try not to but it just happens. in my many panic attacks each day i think about specific events and wish i could change how i acted or actions i took, i so wish my memories could be erased, it would allow me to live my life.

Writing to Paul Kelly is a great idea. you should do it, it would be so nice for him to see how much his songs mean to his fans 🙂

Oh yes, mums tappistries are amazing, i will take a photo of her second one tomorrow for you. it is just as amazing, she is now doing a mum, dad and baby Panda's i am about to order her a embriodery of an english house and cottage garden, she loves them so much.

I am so glad it has inspired you @PeppiPatty, it is such a wonderful hobby, so muc love and attention in them. please post a picture of yours, i would love to see them when they are done 🙂

From little things big things grow.

Thank you @PeppiPatty I teared up reading your post to me.

I am glad you have had those 2 affirming things happen recently ... Centrelink acknowledgment that you do enough and the pastor admitting he could have done more.

@Jacques is right in that sometimes it is those who have been there who are best able to give understanding and support.

I do try and focus on the little positives ... like that psychiatrist in the plane in January sharing his grief at losing his wife, admitting he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and that his life was relatively easy.

No, there has not been much from my past where I have felt acknowleged. I feel shakey as I write this.

I will remember the image of a lacey white handerkerchief. Thanks

I am feeling sad that I keep posting negative things ... that I try to move on .. but the past events just keep wanting to spurt out of me. I am sorry if I bring people down.

I am off to sing at a funeral this morning. He was a lovely artistic and deeply sensitive priest. I did not know him that well but the monastery at my church has a very special "charism". The priests and brothers do a lot of mission work and also focus on the arts which is why they support all the classical music. It was the quality of their homilies that kept me going. That kept me alive. I did not have to hear false Pell justifying diocesan priests. This order often challenged the things that were wrong in the church.but in an intelligent and caring way.

Hope you all have a good day.

You and me @AppleblossomIf I could tell you everything that making me hugely anxious right now

I'lle be here all day.

So can I cut down to the chase.

I'm not being nice to my husband. It's difficult. My neighbour came downstairs asking for coffee, milk, ....it's very hard....the hospital hasnt been sending her details to Centrelink for her to go on Disability. People come over and borrow things from her all the time, she has nothing. At least she has stopped inviting paople in; much promting from me.

I offered to pick her up all the stuff from the shops; so went there with her nephew, husband, her and me; shoppped then found out I left my money at home. I was running late to see my youngest son who just told me ...after one year that he wants nothing to do with Grandma because she was yelling at her and I thought; At last, someone understands how I was brought up!! We drove all the way there, ......husband speak.....constant talk from the confusion of his life;

stop, nmmmm, turn left, no right, stop. STOP. Turn left.

my son wasnt home. Well. When I was 21, I was rude and forgot invitations and I just wanted to burst out crying. We treck home. My darling husband all the way home....

right. No LEft. Stop. Indicate. Indicate. Anne, you have to play by the rules. If you dont play by the rules you will have a car accident.

Now, Im home, tired and frazzled and guilty that I feel like I want to run away from home. Knowing he is so so good for my daily mental wellbeing. I'm reading a little about Charles Darwin. My husband is Charles Darwin, Incarnation.

And in all of this mess...Im thinking that you have taken med. benz..... My husband had a terrible time with this. REally awful. He constantly says to me thank goodness for the daily meds I take now. It's saved my life. If you want me to tell you how he was; I can but will need to adhere to rules.

Love Anne

dearest @Jacques

I think it is definately good enough to write like that.

Would you be able to write a card from you and your mum to shops that thanks for great service??

If not, thats cool too. I love hoe you write about it anyway.

I am sorry, Im finding it difficult to hold any reasonable conversations at the moment..

but Ille be getting my stuff in March.....

Ille write soon, Ax

Hi my friend @PeppiPatty

I thought you might like to see the other one mum did, it is of a humming bird eating from a flower, she has only just finished this one, it is from the USA.

Thank you @PeppiPatty, i don't feel confident enough to write letters, but i do complement staff who go out of their way for good service.

@PeppiPatty, my friend, i have had manay days like you have had today, it seems to snowball doesn't it? one thing goes wrong then everything goes wrong. listen to Hubby, he sounds like a great grounding force in your life when things get frazzled.

Rest up and accept today as a bad day and move forward. you can't always control your envionment, you just have to roll with situations and hope for the best 🙂

Go outside take a deep breath, maybe have a cup of tea and try to relax, if you are too frazzled, maybe have a cold shower to wash the day away.

good luck my friend. please give Mr Arlo a cuddle for me, he is so cute 🙂

Jacques

You have the patience of a saint @PeppiPatty.

It seems you were over stretched, doing too many things for others. I am sure on other days all the little acts of kindness work out better.

I would not cope well with back seat driving. My neck limits me anyway. For me it could be the cause of an accident. My son navigates occasionally, but it is rare, as he usually studied or had ear plugs listening to music.

I have had that: drive across town for my sister and who forgot she invited me and was out.

When you have been giving out to others, remember you need to regroup and draw in your own energy.

Today was a beautiful day for me. The funeral was sad but also joyful, with wonderful music. The Elgar and Faure and music by 3 local composers involved with the church. Had a brief lunch at pastoral centre then off to see my son in reading in South Yarra.

It was 2 plays .. 1) The Yorkshire Tragedy... based on a true story of domestic violence in Elizabethan times. We had a fabulous lead ... a true professional ... but it meant that it was gruelling to watch.

Thank God the 2nd play was a comedy ... Chekov's The Proposal. hilarity balanced the day.

Hope tomorrow feels better .. whether you curl up in bed ... or go on more missions of mercy.

Hello @Appleblossom,

after today , hope you have a good nights sleep , and have a good tomorrow

DEar @Appleblossom

I'm finding it hard to accept compliments as well. Im trying to feel your care......

All I think is that no matter what Im thinking...it's 3x harder for @LittleBuddha He is confused most of the time. Somewhere on Sane forums, we were both reading the symptoms of his diagnosis and we often discuss how we both are but there has been a ...heaviness around him lately. He forgets say......little things and then asking me and repeatedly asking me to check things.

I really havent got much to regroup my energies today. I just do my take 5 puzzles ( I hear you giggling there @Mazarita !! )

and repeatedly look at work shoes on ali express....like....wow....hours of looking at shoes for work and this morning, after getting @LittleBuddha to look at work shoes as well...choosing something very unusual....pink or blue low top converse sneakers and ordered.

Glad that you had a nice funeral.Im going to start looking up words you write and listen to the music please give me one more week. then Ille tell you my progress on music.

So silly, I know it is but his Mum is speaking on the phone to him and Im hearing her say to my husband....HOW ARE YOU? I just felt like going outside and crying. This ......ignoring me is hard.

Is this what Im upset about??

WE need to start going to group again and I think Im very .....upset now that my son is acknowlegding how bad Mum has been in her behaviour. I need to hold it I know.

It feels like I've got about 5 things I dearly want to do but ...it's like I dont have anything. Have you ever been like this??

@Appleblossom I read this paragraph and love reading it even though it talks of your morning

Today was a beautiful day for me. The funeral was sad but also joyful, with wonderful music. The Elgar and Faure and music by 3 local composers involved with the church. Had a brief lunch at pastoral centre then off to see my son in reading in South Yarra.

Love to all, including cheeky @Shaz51

....Love to Apple too and ......her piano

@Mazarita @Jacques

@Jacques @Former-Member @hiddenite @MoonGal @Bella @Angel333 @chookmojo AmiRemixed @Sakurapuss @Simack @Lucky2015