Night Shift

Dearest @Former-Member

Im sorry, Ive got to go to bed and get mr Arlo and @LittleBuddha ready for stuff like do the dishes.

Im thinking of you and will read your messages about how you went tomorrow morning. Please know that your amazing and I guess it difficult when you start.....do you think it's about a routine??

Congradulations on being you @Former-Member

Love PP

@Former-Member, what a mixed bag yesterday sounds like for you. An inspiring activity but with a lot of fear attached. As @PeppiPatty has said before, you really are walking the talk. Thank you for allowing us to witness your awesome journey. No pressure for more frequent messages while real life is engaging you so fully. At the same time, it's always great to hear from you whenever you do have the time and impulse to post, to send some hopefully encouraging words your way and to admire your guts.

@Appleblossom, I have read your messages in the other thread 'when things get tough'. So happy you ended up having a joyful night last night! Great pay off for making the big effort to go out and engage when your emotional state was 'delicato'.

@PeppiPatty, wonderful that you have reconnected with an old friend. And that you didn't expose yourself to more trouble with your mum by ringing her afterwards. It's great to know you are protecting yourself from grief in that wise way.

I'm off to a one-off workshop about addictions this morning, more help in trying to kick the most obviously health-damaging of my habits. Yesterday I found out I probably have COPD. Not great news. I now have to use a 'puffer' first thing every morning to start trying to minimise the damage I have done to my lungs. Haven't really processed this information properly yet but at least I haven't plunged in mood. My doctor is taking it seriously though and so am I.

May today bring fresh perspectives and inner resources for all of us.

Dearest @Mazarita

Thankyou for acknowledging seeing my friend yesterday.

How are you? It takes a lot of time to let something like what your dealing with sink in.

You have also given me something to think much about and that it how you 'recovered,' from working at the beginning of the week. Your story gives me space to think hard about how I react from working.

Also, why your message plays significance in my mind was that last week, I went into Centrelink at the Community Centre where I live......they go in there once per week to see people with lived experience and the ladies suggested that I do not think about upping my work because they said I already have alot of my plate. I felt this feeling of 'you are not doing anything wrong Anne.'

Please write about your addictions conference time. On the Gabor Mate site, there is a free conference going for a week that is free to sign up and I think that it looks really apot on good.

Kind Hello @Mazarita

@Former-Member

You didnt say the wrong thing ... and I knew you were well intentioned .. its just the issue was huge for me for a long time ... that I managed to ride through it last night reasonably quickly was due to a little help from new friends ... who understood that I was delicate .. but could push on in a way that allowed me to ground myself in one of my strengths.

2 years ago I did gospel workshops with top Afro-americans in the field ... and I was cracking up at how straight laced our choir was ... so I was trying to encourage them to sing with a bit more .... SSSOOOOOOOUULLL. it was good for me and good for the choir ... most accepted the point and appreciated it though apparently one person complained that I needed to be disciplined ...

So glad you had a productive day ... and will actually do real music with kids ... we need more in the schools ... good for physical, social and emotional health ... thats my hobby horse. Everyone can sing. Its a disgrace that the Education Departments have neglected it so much with their attempts to get on top of the new technologies. it is such an economically efficient art form ... they have no excuse really regarding funding .. though it does help to have a bit of creative instruction.

You go girl ...

Thanks @Mazarita ... you seem the most balanced ... against my up and down labile emotional states.

I am getting better at riding through the bad ... as they dont last as long any more ..

Sorry about the COPD ... take it steadily .. and keep walking ... but you dont need to be told .. its just naturally a part of who you are.

@PeppiPatty

I am glad you connected with old friend and are getting clearer on ways to handle your mother.

Best wishes for the day @RoseRuby and @Shaz51

I also think I was upset and a bit confused about how to proceed with the interactions from the electrician who was going to do my oven. Trying to work out interpersonal things and practical things.

He had been one of the rowdy types when he was in the orphanage. He said that most of the boys from his particular place ... were in gaol or had MI or suicided. I knew people who had been there and knew he did not exaggerate.

He was ok to me but he was an extravert and quick to drop a guilt trip to cover himself before getting an insult .. eg may I use the peasant toilet ...

He mansplained a lot ... I would say "yes I know maths" .... and he would go on and on ... or I would say "yes I understand you dont need to explain" ... but still he would ... or "I have renovated before" ... and still I had to listen ... I think that was the reason I was exhausted the day before. He needed to talk and have an audience.

I had looked up things online ... and yesterday he phoned and did the "popping in 10 minutes" thing ... and when he arrived ... I got through the talk and told him of the online deal including installation ... and he had to agree that I did my research and it was a good idea ... and that I didnt need him then ... he wasnt angry ... but as he left ... he tossed over his shoulder you should have told me on the phone ... I was overwhelmed by ex picking up son and wasnt sure

...but he was right ...I should have broken through and told him I had other plans... still learning to be assertive ... so groomed to placate ...

So all these silly things contributed to my reaction yesterday. Sorry about my little spin.

Hi @PeppiPatty, @Appleblossom, thank you for your kind hellos, my friends. Yes, taking my time processing the new information about my lung health. I am still supposed to have a chest x-ray, which I'm honestly putting off for the time being. Too nervous about doing it yet in case there's anything else found aside from COPD.

@PeppiPatty, I think it's really good that the ladies of Centrelink at the Community Health Centre have advised you not to think of upping your work for the time being. You are certainly not doing anything wrong from my perspective either. Glad that you felt reassured too by those ladies, Anne. The session this morning about addictions turned out to be just me and the really wonderful clinical psychologist who was running it. Nobody else turned up for the first hour and so I ended up having a free session of one-on-one counselling with her. She gave me more resources to help in my continued efforts and congratulated me on the success I am having so far. We talked about lots of things. It was great. Thanks for the info about the Gabor Mate site. I may look into that further.

@Appleblossom, no need to apologise for your emotions yesterday from my point of view. Just glad you found the support you needed here and have been able to ride the wave relatively smoothly. I agree with what others wrote to you yesterday, that tears are often cleansing and renewing and part of the healing process. From what I've been reading of you over the past 7 or 8 months on the forum, you do seem to be in an overall better place than you were at the start, when things seemed to be choppier, harder, more up and down for you from day to day. It's not hard to understand why odd things may sometimes trigger you with all you have gone through in the past. Big friendly hugs your way. It still gives me a big smile thinking of you really having fun after all that last night. Fun and creative joy, what great medicine!

Hi @Shaz51, @RoseRuby, hope today is treating you both well.

best wishes @Mazarita, i am so upset by your news, i hope the other tests come back negative, and that it can be managed.

you are doing so well with quitting two addictive substances, please don't let this little setbak stop you from achieving your goal 🙂

thinking of you my friend

Jacques

Hi @Jacques, thank you for your kind thoughts. Please don't be too upset. I am not, though I am taking it seriously. If anything, my resolve to quit has gone up a notch since getting this news yesterday. The really positive thing is that I have already noticed a substantial reduction in the coughing symptoms I was getting since cutting back as much as I already have. The doctor did say that some of what I have done to myself may be reversible with abstinence from smoking. I will get there I believe.

Hi @Mazarita,

I do hope the doctor is right, and some of it is reversible, i have cared for someone with lung failure, it is not nice, my father ultimately died of lung failure. it is a scary concept for me now 😞

I am so glad you see this event as giving you strength, i was so worried you would just give up on giving up. if you ever need help or encouragement, please give me a yell, as i have said before i have quit smoking, so i know how hard it is to give up. you are doing so well, i am so proud of you, you are a beautiful person and i want you around this forum for a long time to come 😄

hugs

Jacques

Thank you again, @Jacques, my friend. Your delicate sensitivity and kindness shines through. I am onto this relatively early in my symptoms and will be starting the medication tomorrow to help prevent further deterioration. I'm also regularly doing deep breathing via group meditations and my own efforts at home throughout my days. The other thing that is on my side is that I am already doing a lot more exercise than I was when I first embarked on this quitting campaign. Exercise is a significant part of the rehabilitation of lungs from this condition. Speaking of which, I am about to get out on the beach for a walk.

What good advice you got decades ago @Mazarita

I was given that advice too....my third Psychotherapist ....when I write.....little burst of tears....I lean on that too.

Gabor Mate; that guy Im reading writes...throughout the book Im reading that Primo Levi, an Autzwich survivor that once you have been though trauma. Thats it, you been through trama and you will always have that in your life.

I get batter back to reading your messages and ...@Apple's