@Former-Member
Thanks Hun .... not feeling flat tonight .... just responding to @Bridget's question earlier .... ❤️💕
@TAB
Sure have considered it from WH's perspective, and his impression of me ....
Too complex to go into full details, but his perceptions are skewed by his eating disorder.
Short answer, he believes that everyone should be doing what he is .... "the ultimate sea-change" .... and that I am selling myself short by not following suit ... and I'm trying to undermine his "success" through jealousy because I "obviously don't have the necessary levels of will-power and drive".
In this skewed state he is adopting the teachings of his mother, which are also skewed by war-damage and other life experiences that have impacted on her. According to her I ought to still be mothering my adult at-home kids the way you do with young children as they are learning to shoulder life-skills, running after them to cook, clean, and npmanaged their personal organisation. The impact of WH's e.d. on the family is being viewed by both of them as caused by my inattention to "serving" the kids in this way .... as his mother still runs to serve her sons ....
Other than that, he is fine with me as a person ... just wishes I would "get with the program" ... and feels unsupported and unloved by my resistance .... I have heard that recovered e.d. sufferers can understand and appreciate what you were doing in hindsight. Hugging that idea tightly right now ....
As I am still seeing a psychologist for support re his condition and trying to keep circumstantial depression at bay for the rest of us, he is under the impression that I am struggling with my inability to accept his successful life regimen .... and the consequences of not babying my adult children ....
At the same time, WH has fully supported the idea of me completing my art degree, not having worked out yet that I can't do that and be on call to staff his regimen .... and I am still managing a large household without his help .... and supporting teens and twenty-somethings in their studies in ways I deem appropriate. Art degrees take head-space to achieve and heart-space to be creative.
Support services have advised me he is headed for a break-down if he doesn't reach the next stage of change (starting to recognise that he is unwell) first. I'm just trying to keep the wheels on everything, hoping for the second option, of course ....
@Appleblossom - the excessive emotional engagement with his mother is part of the illness ... while we have always operated closely with her in support, this is different .... and it turned this way across the last five years as this form of illness took hold ... it's too far entrenched now to be able to do anything other than wait .... it took until late last year to be able to get through to medical people that this is what is going on, but while he is in denial, the law protects him from intervention.
I treat him as lovingly as I am able to ... especially with a personality change and mood swings on board .... and we deal respectfully with each other now that we have backed off from trying to reach him. We co-exist with the e.d. and just try to appreciate the good days, and the things that are still working okay or well.
And he's got a gorgeous self-deprecating humour that still emerges sometimes ....
