Night Shift

Dear @Mazarita

Thanks, how many was your first 'cut of smoking,'? I also used to smoke, I absolutely loved it. When I was about 38 years old, I just threw my ciggarettes in the bin and walked down the stairs ...out of my unit.....but that was 10 years ago.

Im proud of you...12 cigs..thats awesome!

Yesterday, I went and had a coffee with an older lady, we constantly talked for about 2 hours..... she made a few slips....like, your mother has told me of her AWful life, it is so horrible......how did you cope when she left you to do so well in Academia ??

Tonight, Im furious.....my relatives ability to gather a group of similar narcassists around them to lecture them of their terrible lives......

Im almost going to tell her ....well, Mum, your a bit self indulgent arent you??

Yeah, terrible things happened. just like many people's lives....But there was always the promise of money and groups of admiring followers.

Good morning, @PeppiPatty.

I don't understand everything about what's happened with your mother but sorry to hear there's been more unpleasantness there. I don't have any advice really other than the usual things to avoid getting too upset when we get rocked (breathing exercises, your crocheting and creative pursuits, going for a walk to clear the mind and get the body moving, etc.) Hope you can find a way to keep your distress to a minimum.

To answer your question, when I started counting my smokes to prepare for reduction it was 19 a day. Cutting out those 7 a day has been a slow steep climb. I make myself feel better about the slow progress by remembering that I've already achieved a reduction of 50 smokes a week. I have tried going cold turkey with patches before but I just ended up smoking and wearing patches at the same time. I tried again with a 'partial' cold turkey a few weeks ago and failed at that method again. So for now I'm sticking with what the psychologist recommends week to week with this slower reduction method. I think the idea is that doing it this way may have better results in terms of abstaining completely in an ongoing way when I get down to zero.

Been thinking a lot already this morning about my friend's nephew. It's in the news which is bringing it home all the more. It's also reminding me of other people in my life who have had close encounters with death, or have died, in 'unnatural' circumstances. My mind has been racing on it all a bit. Again good to be able to get a little bit of this out here 'on the page'.

Up until about 3.30am video editing, then wide awake at about 6.30am. Definitely planning on going for a beach walk this afternoon, have a date for it with my other nearby friend. Might have a nap before then.

Dear @Mazarita

Hi @Billamba @Jacques @Former-Member @hiddenite @Appleblossom

@Shaz51

Im listening to Billy Joel....good music...

On the radio. Soon will take Arlo to the beach....

How is your friend's nephew? Is there any news of how he ended up in hospital? It's shocking.

I am so sorry that this is happening in your life.

Am here to listen to you. So's @LittleBuddha.

My Mum, yeah, some sad things happened to her when we were young but I always refer to this poem I wrote which I shared in Kato's thread, "Am I Enough.' Her story doesnt take into account her family's experiences. So, she told all this story to her friend who I had coffee with and I was sitting there trying not to roll my eyes....what happened was bad ....for my Mum but she forgets that she always had the promise of money and support from many many people. For her children, us, we didnt have support...her story does not include that.

I have no idea how to change that.....

@Mazarita, we are here for you honey

hi @PeppiPatty,

Wow billy joel, i have not heard him in ages, good 80's rock.

Wow i hope Mr Arlo has a good time, i bet all the ladies just love him at the beach 🙂

I think, and this is my own opinion, people like your mother, sound very much like my grandmother, always trying the sympathy card, cherry picking the best story and leaving the uncomfortable bits out, some of the things my grand mother said about my father is horrible, and some of her letters i have not got transpated into english because i am so frightened of what they say.

I think the trick is to accept they have a need for attention, and some people are narcacists, you will never change their thinking or the way they want to remmeber things.

try to just focus on you and your memories, just because you don't tell everyone what happened does not mean it did not happen. keep these memories for yourself and your treating team.

Take care @PeppiPatty, give Mr Arlo a cuddle for me (maybe shake the sand off him first 🙂 )

Jacques

Hi @PeppiPatty, @Jacques, @everyone,

My friend's nephew is in an induced coma. I am okay with this terrible event but it's making me think about some darker things. Life has dark things as well as bright things so sometimes we just need to be with whatever has occurred. He's not a close relative to me so I'm not in any special need of consoling but I really appreciate that you are willing to listen to me talk about it, as it's on my mind and I am certainly concerned for him.

@PeppiPatty You and me (and Arlo) all got out on the beach today. I got more walking in than usual, including a long stroll home from my friend's place, barefoot along the shoreline as the afternoon was turning into dusk. Magical time to be there. A bit of struggling with a strong headwind. Cleared some of the cobwebs out. @Jacques has said some really wise things about the situation with your mother and I have nothing more to add, other than I hope you can feel okay despite this latest thing that has happened.

Hope everyone's day has had some good moments.

Hello Night shifters .. Yay @Mazarita with videos and the cutting down smoking .. when you get it under 10 a day you will be so proud ... and the chemical and behavioural addiction become less ingrained.

I love @Former-Member ethical low key christmas present style. Yes the competition games are difficult to deal with. I dealt with it with the oldest always coming home from christmas access piled up with clothes and my biological daughter watched and was good about it .. but it tore at my insides .. sometimes I was allowed to get a make up present. It was always a stress. In a way we were 2nd best and the workers .. still are .. but at least my daughter has a career to be proud of.

@PeppiPatty I am probably not that clever. Who in their right mind would volunteer to become a step mother ... and I was the one that did the 24/7 work 52 weeks a year while the "real" mother had supervised access and bought pretty dresses for christmas ... Nay you havent sussed me out yet ... I am not smart at all, but I do try hard to be a good person. I understand there is a wealth and career difference between you and your mother .. it is so hard to understand another person's experience completely ... how old were you when your mother left you?

@Jacques Good to see you out and about on other threads.

Thank you dear @Appleblossom,

I am starting to become more comfortable talking with my friends again, you are all such wonderful ladies, i am just happy to have you all as friends.

@Mazarita, wishing you all the best with quitting, i did the same as @PeppiPatty, i was smoking 20 per day then i just stopped, cold turkey, well i didn't have a choice really i could not afford to buy them anymore.

@Jacques @PeppiPatty @Appleblossom You are all great role models in having succeeded in quitting, glad you are here while I'm in the process of trying to get this bad thing out of my life too.

@Mazarita, one thing i did to help quit smoking is chewing straws, i know it sounds silly, but i could play with it while i was chewing it, it gave my hands something to do.

You have a whole team here behind you @Mazarita, we are all cheering you on 🙂

Good night all

Jacques

Glad you found something that helped when you were giving up, @Jacques. It must have been really hard to go cold turkey just because you couldn't afford them anymore. It might come to straws as I get down on the numbers further. I have a lot of nervy energy inside me from moment to moment, which is partly why I smoke. Thanks cheer squad. I hope I don't let you down. I'll keep trying even if I drop the ball.