Night Shift

Hello @Former-Member

Its awful when people do break plans ... often for external reasons. Sorry that happened.

Its awful when people you know or are related to dont even include you in their plans.

I tended to be like you and put a lot more into relationships than I recieved. I am getting cannier now, holding back, and not taking other people's neglect, inadequacies or rudeness as a reflection of me. But it takes a lot of work. And yes I still do believe that it is important to try and reach out.

I am learning not to hold other's to the same standards I have for myself. it never works and each person has their own standards that influence their decisions and priorities.

The whole question of friendship is interesting. Some people spend a lot of time boasting about their friends and using them to grand stand publicily. As a person with a bit of long term vision on things ... I can say many friendships havent lasted because of the intrinsic goodness of the people. It might be because extraneous ciscumstances (eg work, mutual interest, family, location) that meant that they met again and worked through bumps.

I hope your friends do try and make it up to you.

Hi @Billamba

It is natural that gifts with strings attached make us feel manipulated. It so often happens in families. What helps us feel "at home" maybe quite simple. Though I can understand your love of your horses.

Are you able to deflect the digs, in the moment? Are they aware that they hurt or are unfair. DO you swallow them or are you afraid to start an argument?

My son just asked me if he should bring presents for the kids when we go to Sydney. He has in the past. I said that I was so impressed by his tolerance of the the 2 parents BAD behaviour over the last 20 odd years ... that as far as I was concerned I didnt want him to waste his money and I would put the presents from both of us.

We all have to call it as we honestly believe. These 2 kids are overly manipulated and hyped .. too much stuff .. too many big holidays ... too much agro .... we arent fooled by the water front and the beach on the river .. it was obscene and tragic ... before my brother was diagnosed with cancer. Yet he is my baby brother. So I will go.

Maybe other people in your family are aware of your predicaments.

@Billamba...

I'm glad you can talk about your frustrations here. Sorry, I just can't respond to everything as I'm struggling with extreme anxietytonight - sleep will help - it always does. I also have a history of an eating disorder & still have body image issues. That comment would of made me very anxious & upset also. Is it a partner or family member who is not being supportive of you? Maybe you should be brave & send a message to your friend. There are many people who find xmas a hard time - some don't have MI's. My friend didn't give any indication of what - we just had a back & forth conversation on whatsapp of me suggesting times & places & her saying what about this time & me saying my appointment is at that time (which I had already told her several times before!)

Namaste,

Anna

@Billamba Oh did they use a threat that were going to sell them to get you to return? At least while you are back home and studying you have time to work out what to do with your horses in the long term.

Is there a way to raise the topic of contemporary attitudes to diverse body images with your mother .. so that it takes the sting of her digs away. That way you dont keep it internal ... and maybe even make some headway with her.