Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++

I feel the same about suicide & faith too (now there's a contradiction in terms for ya lol). I just cancelled all my commitments 'till 30th. Might lock my phone in the car and ignore everyone but my girl and God for the next week. The phone carries 90% of my relationships & I'm sick of it - doesn't feel real. And if mum dies - I don't wanna know.

@Former-Member

It sounds as though you are going through a very difficult time emotionally at the moment, Have you some support in place that you can draw on at the moment?

Darcy

Do what you have to do to get through @Former-Member

@Faith-and-HopeYou have a sensitive and caring perpspective and can probably imagine I have thought about these things. It helps me to see you both discuss god and suicide.

I would have loved to have people to discuss this stuff with closer to the time of all the deaths. My porr mother was understandably just TOO DEFENDED about it all. I never blamed her for the deaths but she cold not let that it in to salve her soul and therefore have a nurturing good relationship with me.

She made statements and proclamations. First up was almost superstitious stuff about it being against the religion. It was her way of dealing with her own internal torture, beliefs and religion. In last couple of years she pronounced that God forgave my brother and sister.

I was not that interested in her notion of god judging or condoning my brother and sister. I knew I could not budge her as she was very stubborn. I had completely different concerns and beliefs about it all. More seeing their pain and the social injustices. Not seeing mum as that big a part of it as I knew she had done her best. Mostly I was trying to prevent it from hapening in the first place. Her sense of misplaced guilt made it impossible to relate to her. What a muddle.

There was not enough money or time for me to have enough psychological sessions for the amount of HEAVY emotional issues life thrust at me ... so its til now that I start having decent respectful aware interactions about suicide.

Thank you both so much.

I know you both are going through very difficult times. ... Yes bathing cats can be tough.

Man in a Box:

Squatted Woman offering of milk

Hi Appleblossom, people avoid the topic of suicide, or fly into a panic if its bought up. It scares them I think. Its a fine line between productive and destructive discussion on the matter. Depending a lot on how its received. I have a theory that the discussion of suicide takes away much of the unknown, and therefore reduces fear so we can think clearly and not do it.

A friend of mine in hospital (both very suicidal) had a sober discussion one day about what one of us should do if the other dies. Neither of us were certain if we could stop ourselves. We agreed, should it happen, the one left behind would see the other as 'at peace now' and not be upset. Well, that was her words. A year later she did it, on mothers day 😞 at her parents house. I remembered what we agreed.

Really don't know how I'm still here, or why some survive and others don't. One thing I do know is 'its OK to crawl into a cave and get out of the storm'.

My family are stressing about mum again, which makes me feel more powerless, being away too, and abandoned by them. And closer to home ppl here will be cross I've cancelled myself for a week, but... ...

oh dear, it does sound murky, need to go think 💜