Unknown userMember
Mum Severe Anxiety / Depression +++
Things are coming to a head with my family. My mum has always suffered Anxiety / Depression / Severe Mood Swings (?Sz/Bipolar - secretive). Now what she fears has come upon her - terminal cancer on top. Shws not coping, and also dads carer (mobility issues and dementia stage 2). Mum has passed her 2yr medical prognosis date with terminal cancer and fought hard to hold independence.
Her MI is sooooooo difficult to work with. Sooo ambivolent about everything, anxious, can't make decisions, argumentative, suspicious, shuts down, cries, abuses, withdraws... Sucks trying to help. Dads care is failing too, she resents all the in home help I've activated with him this last few years I'm seen as the enemy for doing that, even though she can't. Last week dad actually asked me to come help "looks like mums having to go into hospital"
They never ask
Then I get this tx from mum this morning. "Feel crook k#####(me) hows your flu today if you can come down what form of travel you choose and how can you look after the birds they are a concern dont feel good today at all but the day is young yet might pick up"
I have respected mums fierce need for privacy but today I rang palliative care to see what's happening for her? They got her mix d up with another 'same name' patient. Then turns out mum has never beenbreferred to Community Palliative Care (which is why they didn't know her), but had her last Admission Notes referring her to Palliative Care Dr, she's been doing those visits but talks about dad not herself. Next visit ?12th.
Mum has lost 25% body weight, is weak. After talking with her and x3 nurses today (like hours), clarifying wrong contact details and complex family matters, I feel shell shot!
Honestly thought these things were in hand.
I'm gonna have to go down, but OK his time begrudgingly. I live 12hrs away, I have a sister & 3 bothers within 5 - 1hr away. They can't handle mums MI - she has legal rights++ but don't know what she's doing now dad can't take charge.
The palliative care cimmunity nurse can't act without that referral from the hospital Dr, so shell look at that and then ring mum... All maybies of cause. My heads swimming with it all, any wonder mum just throws her hands in the air saying "they don't care, I'm too old, they just want me to die"... "And you lot are selfish and just want to put me inva nursing home and forget about me, and you all care about dad more than me..." Then she crack a joke about something totally related, say "don't wanna talk anymore..."
OMG!!! my cPTSD & cGrief trigger alerts are all firing. Feel resentful. Want to go to bed 'till it goes away.
My son even said to me this morning "mum you know people have totally cut off parents for doing far less than they have done to you!" Suggesting I abandon them. How can I do that and stand before God (and myself) in peace? This is so hard!
Help!
