MaggieSenior Contributor
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Taking the plunge
10240 replies
In response to: Taking the plunge
MaggieSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
Yes @CheerBear counsellor this morning.
I hope me winning, means you got some needed, restful sleep.
Did the important meeting go ok.....very well?
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
How are you feeling about counsellor this morning @Maggie?
Yes it all went well thanks. It was so great to be part of training and I'm hoping to be part of it all moving forward too. Counsellor was awesome as usual. So helpful to have spoken with her. I poured out all of the feels about family bumping in to him, and the way people can downplay risk because "nothing has happened yet". We talked about how nothing has happened yet because of the extreme lengths I have gone to to ensure it hasn't, not because he has changed or the risk from him has changed. It was helpful to have her remind me of that. It takes away some questioning myself if that makes sense. I feel frustrated and hurt when I hear that it's 'probably' OK and he's 'probably' moved on etc. Probably is not good enough for me and really, there's no evidence of that at all. Rant over 🙃
How was your yesterday?
I saw your latest painting. That stone especially is stunning! So beautiful 😍
Yes it all went well thanks. It was so great to be part of training and I'm hoping to be part of it all moving forward too. Counsellor was awesome as usual. So helpful to have spoken with her. I poured out all of the feels about family bumping in to him, and the way people can downplay risk because "nothing has happened yet". We talked about how nothing has happened yet because of the extreme lengths I have gone to to ensure it hasn't, not because he has changed or the risk from him has changed. It was helpful to have her remind me of that. It takes away some questioning myself if that makes sense. I feel frustrated and hurt when I hear that it's 'probably' OK and he's 'probably' moved on etc. Probably is not good enough for me and really, there's no evidence of that at all. Rant over 🙃
How was your yesterday?
I saw your latest painting. That stone especially is stunning! So beautiful 😍
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
MaggieSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
@CheerBear Your counsellor sounds amazing and stop on. The ‘ Nothing has happened yet’ is pretty out there. Like you were saying earlier on this thread, the internal, unseen, is more damaging.
I have wondered what my reaction would be if I bumped into my ex. Really hard to know, because so much gets stirred up in a very brief encounter. The friend I see twice a year knew us as a two, so it’s tricky, almost, not happened tricky.
Councellor and I have talked a lot about how people don’t, or rarely change. So true.
Thank goodness you and the Crew got out when you did. It could have been so much worse. 💜💜💜
Thanks for liking the painting. I enjoyed it once I started.
Are you working today?
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
Does your twice a year friend still see your ex @Maggie? Do you think you might ever bump into him, if you feel OK to answer?
I am so thankful we got out when we did, even if has caused the damage and chaos it has. Everything pointed to a high and real risk of an outcome that would never have been OK. The last incident involved a weapon and small ones and I wasn't sticking around to see what could happen next. I won't take a chance that it is 'probably' OK, particularly when there is not a hint of evidence to suggest anything has changed there. I hope it was a wake up call for others in the danger in probably-ness. I am proud I am staying relatively grounded at the moment.
I'm not working today and have nothing on. Big is home with a cold so we are going to spend the whole day watching episodes from a series we're into. It will be nice for us to have that time together.
How about your day, after counsellor?
I am so thankful we got out when we did, even if has caused the damage and chaos it has. Everything pointed to a high and real risk of an outcome that would never have been OK. The last incident involved a weapon and small ones and I wasn't sticking around to see what could happen next. I won't take a chance that it is 'probably' OK, particularly when there is not a hint of evidence to suggest anything has changed there. I hope it was a wake up call for others in the danger in probably-ness. I am proud I am staying relatively grounded at the moment.
I'm not working today and have nothing on. Big is home with a cold so we are going to spend the whole day watching episodes from a series we're into. It will be nice for us to have that time together.
How about your day, after counsellor?
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
MaggieSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
@Former-Member Just sending a gentle hi. Nice to see you around where you can. 💞💞👋
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
⬆️ same from me. I don't want to pressure you @Former-Member, but it's lovely to see you around and to have your company even if it is quiet ❤
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
MaggieSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
@CheerBear Today sounds really nice. You and Big, relaxing, watching episode. 👍
No, twice a year friend doesn’t see my ex. He lives just out of the city. I have wondered if I might bump into him, now I’m back in the church screen. Forgiveness isn’t on my agenda, so it could look very bad for me. He always looked good to the outside world. Very different at home. He painted a very dark picture of me, so many lies. Even sent a list of all the things I had done wrong in the 17 year marriage. Pages and pages. The psych in the ward said it was one of the cruelest things she had ever seen. Not enough pages for me to do that. Lol.
Oh gosh @CheerBear , that must have been scary. It’s amazing you are doing what you are now. You are in such a good position to reach so many. I know you are doing that, passionately. So much admiration for you, and the Crew.
Not sure what will happen after counsellor. Haven’t thought that far ahead. 🤪🤪🤪
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
I'm so sorry that happened to you @Maggie. Cruel is an understatement 🙁 That's brain/heart/soul damage causing, and it's not OK.
I imagine the potential for big problems with your, very rightful and understandable, not forgiving of things to do with him if/when it meets the church scene. I don't forgive either. I am not interested in forgiving and that's a choice I get to and do make. I work on acceptance of it happening (always alongside not approving of it all), but that's as close to forgiveness as I want to come. Even acceptance is a stretch. I'm also not in a position where forgiveness is central, as I imagine it might be in church scenes, though I could be wrong. I get to go volcano when forgiveness has been pushed on me 😁😤
I hope whatever the day has in store it has some good in it for you ❤
I imagine the potential for big problems with your, very rightful and understandable, not forgiving of things to do with him if/when it meets the church scene. I don't forgive either. I am not interested in forgiving and that's a choice I get to and do make. I work on acceptance of it happening (always alongside not approving of it all), but that's as close to forgiveness as I want to come. Even acceptance is a stretch. I'm also not in a position where forgiveness is central, as I imagine it might be in church scenes, though I could be wrong. I get to go volcano when forgiveness has been pushed on me 😁😤
I hope whatever the day has in store it has some good in it for you ❤
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
MaggieSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
I do volcano on forgiveness also @CheerBear . Having tried and tried, then, more trying, I felt more of a failure, because I couldn’t do what seemed easy to some.
Then one day my counsellor said 4 words that seemed to lift the weight of the world ( forgiveness) off my very weary shoulders. “ some things are unforgivable “. I sincerely believe that. It has been a pushy church thing in the past, just testing waters still. Lots of toe dipping going on. But lots of good stuff too, so still hopeful...sometimes, others times.....🧐🧐🧐
Thanks for listening and caring. Big 💞💞💞
I Hope a down (maybe pj ) day will be restful and much more.
In response to: Re: Taking the plunge
ethSenior Contributor
Re: Taking the plunge
Good morning @Maggie and @CheerBear I'm really feeling you both on what it's like to imagine there's even an outside chance of running into abusive (to say the least) exes. I live that too, even tho' I've moved interstate. Every time I see a big guy in a high-vis shirt the memories flood me. Instantly I am double checking if it's him. It's awful the load the survivor has to carry for so long after the events. I don't do forgiveness on that stuff either - tho' I tried for a time - your counsellor is absolutely right Maggie, that some things change us forever and it's not even appropriate for anyone to suggest forgiving, let alone to 'get over it' - makes me angry at a very deep level. I could rave/rant more about this but just want you both to know I'm with you. I start with a new psychologist next week and will probably have to drag out my history yet again so she can know who she's working with. Hopefully that process won't re-sensitize my trigger responses. If she's good it will be ok - I have to at least hope for that. Glad to hear you both have good counsellors on board.
Hi also to @outlander and @Former-Member
Hope you all have some positives in your days. It looks like my support co-ordinator will finish my housing application with me and we'll lodge it today (have a zoom meeting with him at 10) - so that's a huge YAY!!!, plus I get to go out with my support worker for a walk this afternoon for the first time since mid-March - so that's another YAY!!
Take care all xoxo
