Taking the plunge

Thank you for understanding the tired @Maggie. I hate the word tired when I feel like this for those reasons you said, and I think that's something lots here get. Tired is "I stayed up too late". Tired is also "I have nothing left inside and I'm done". There's a big spectrum there. You get that ❤

I really like your idea and appreciate that simple isn't simple. I wish I could feel without worrying, but feelings feel worrying maybe because in the past they have been worrying. But maybe that doesn't mean they need to be now, I don't know. When is it a worry and when is it not, I guess is what I was jumbled with last night. Maybe today I can try and drop the worry, or at least notice the worry that comes with the tired and try not to let my head take it and run with it.

I'm full banana today 😑

Super tricky with friend. To acknowledge, listen, hear support etc and not be dragged in or carried away. I hope it's OK for you today. I also really hope ms furbaby enjoys her grass and that it brings you both something lovely in your yard. No green police there 😁👍❤

Thank you @eth. It's my not-birthday today as I don't share my birthday here. I'll take those wishes with me anyway though.

I'm just a bit stuck eth and wondering how to do what I want to do and am trying to do (which is MH work stuff) feeling bat*#^% crazy. Rational head tells me it's OK to feel like this as long as I recognise it, attend to it, work through it etc. Banana head tells me I shouldn't be around people, that I shouldn't bother trying, that it's too big etc. It feels like something went snap in a way.

I have to get my kids up and find some kind of OK to get us up and moving. Thanks for listening.

Thanks @Maggie 🙂. Still waiting for your pic to load but looking forward to seeing it.

I sent psych a message. He had a cancellation this morning which I've just taken. Super thankful.

I hope seeing counsellor feels good this morning. Big yay for helpful helping people 🖤💜🖤💙

Morning everyone. Coffee anyone?

I noticed you were up really early again @Maggie. Wondering if it was a coffee at 2 kind of morning for you.

Also wondering how your yesterday went and what colour your world is today, if you'd like to share?

🖤💙💜💚

I'm sorry you had a rough night and it's looking like it's carrying over to a rough day too @Maggie. The fallout and the crash after all you've been through is understandable and I'd expect to feel it (and have felt it) if I was you (not that that makes it any better). Acceptance is one of those ones that I struggle with. It's hard. I'm guessing maybe it's extra hard because you were expecting sunshine. Those hopes and expectations not happening can have a very ouchies bite. Have you had crashes like this before or is this feeling different (and there's totally no need to answer that at all, just interested).

Thank you for listening and for letting me know you're here. I thought about best interests at heart lots. I spoke to my psych, family support worker, the social worker at the school and a helpline. Each person said it. I trust psych in many ways and more than I trust so many. I'm wrestling that inside at the moment. But I'm OK. I have to be.

Did you get to Bunnings yesterday? And is there grass?

Thanks @Maggie, for getting it. I think I'm more confused and disappointed than anything. I just don't get it. It's mixed messages. Mixed messages from a he person in a position of power who I'm trying to trust - big trigger for banana brain. Self-doubt, am I going crazy, did I make this up, did it really happen, is this real, what is happening, no-one else saw... that sneaks in and then some. Blegh.

Yay for the grass and big yay for it being cheaper than expexted. I have no idea how to do grass but imagine there's some prep that happens before furbaby can enjoy it. Love the idea of you bringing grass to your new place 💚

I get that it can feel like slow learner stuff and I feel a bit of a kick-yourself happening there (could be wrong though). I don't think it gets easier in many respects to have been there before. It piles up and creates layers to it, with current clouds mixing with past ones, becoming pretty big storms 🙁