Taking the plunge

thank you @Former-Member

for the moment I find it easier not to talk about the whole scenario ...

latest thing has been mum and sister...

this has just exacerbated my very frail support line that I have ever had from them....

they believe that because the situation with my OS is out of my hands and devastating .....that I must forget about the situation...therefore not think about him...and live my own life...

this is just unthinkable for me....

it hurts even more that they suggest this...

now this behaviour....YS not welcome....mum does not like too much noise...my goodness....what is his breathing an issue...seriously it is pathetic...

I am so hurt...angry...so much stuff from my past is coming up and hitting me full on..

I thank you for letting me know that i can open up here...

at this moment in time....I am too frightened too.

I also have two appointments with psychiatrist and hopefully these feelings can be contained within those times...

how are you @Former-Member

what an ordeal for you...

how is your daughter handling everything...probably confused and angry if she has a diagnosis...

also teenage hormones and independence in the mixture....

as others would say to me...

what have you planned for you as part of your self-care plan tomorrow? no matter how small...something?

hello @Maggie

you have tuned into my wavelength perhaps..

I have responded to bella about sister mother horror...

my OS issue is ongoing...

I temporarily lost his mobile number as husband got me another mobile...the battery on my old one kept on overheating and half of the time people could not hear me...

I am just floating...

I went to a melbourne cup day lunch thing at a friend's....

have never been to one as have always been at work before...

I found myself feeling even more different than I thought I was....

I could not believe the gossip....all about other people's lives....all I could think of was my goodness...I thought that I was already very private ....I don't think that I should even cough or sneeze in front of them...

had a few bubbles....very nice...had a few laughs....just not me though...

perhaps I need to emigrate to another planet...

how are you feeling now? any relief?

your garden will be changing every day.....when I am feeling well....when I plant things in my garden...I do a tour every day to see the new growth...witness the opening of new flowers....watch the busy bees...butterflies...cabbage moths...a long with snails...spiders...millipedes and other insects I don't want..

I love the garden...another form of connecting with nature for me....

I believe that I connect more with nature and animals than I do people...

is that odd? or is it just me therefore it is not odd it is me?

tell me about something that made you smile recently...

speak soon

I am hearing /reading just have nothing to give atm, sorry I seem to be down more than wherever as I'm never up. Keep talking to each other.

hello @Former-Member

I wrote a lengthy reply ....my usual rambling...deleted

I can perceive the built up anxiety...stress..tension between yourself and daughter...

no matter how much we love someone these other feelings occur and have to be acknowledged for what they are...not easy to do when we are used to burying how we feel to get through life..

your love for each other is still there....

if you can open your arms and hold each other without words....very powerful

we are here with you.....

imagine that we are all just holding you without words....

@Maggie

you are struggling....I too wish that there is something that I could say....I wish that I could take some of your pain away...

you are so highly thought of on this forum....sadly when our illness takes over...it is so easy to not believe this....

Words do not come close to reaching out to you offering you a hand to hold..

I am not too well myself....so best I leave this here...

@Former-Member

I read somewhere that it is your wedding anniversary....today? how many years?

wishing for you a day where you are able to experience some joy......smile...enjoy being sherry....

@Former-Member

taking time out can be the best that we can do for ourselves when overwheming feelings take over...

I think that this time of year brings out feelings re families......this is an unpleasant time for me from past christmas times and now the one looming ahead....

I must stay strong for my YS and husband .....

you will find the strength to move forward...

take care and stay safe