Taking the plunge

@Former-Member I know a lady here who talks to me through emails facing all the same as you are with one of her sons, same diagnosis also. He lives in a tent, his choice, and spends one weekend in four with her. She cooks and washes clothes...until,the next time. I used to,live close to her, that was how we became know to each other. It's a nightmare. I can only imagine what it's like for you, the heartbreak you feel must be unbearable at times. I'm sorry you are living through this hell, sounds lame, but I mean it. Take care.💜💜

@Former-Member I just found out what happened on the other thread. Oh @Former-Member how awful for you to see your baby going through this. I don't know if you are still at the hospital or not having just had stitches in your toe, but I just want to let you know I'm sitting with you, listening, though I know words are hard so often.

hello @Maggiethank you so much for sharing that story with me...helps far more than you can imagine.........I do feel so alone and separate from others in this....all seems quite surreal..

if you are able to I would love to hear more about your friend and her son....only if it is not distressing for you or exacerbating your own health in any way...you can use my thread if you so choose..

I have responded to you on my own thread...

I do not want to add any distress to others or yourself using this thread..

you all have far too much on your own plates...

you need not respond and I will understand and respect your decision....part of your self-care plan..

part of my self-care plan is to vent...by writing on my own thread and not tagging others I can do this

take care

big hug for you and your furbaby

I have one cat in the accounts basket next to me and the other just moved from sitting on top of the computer mouse...

@Former-Member

hope that you are both being well cared for and are able to communicate to each other even if via nursing staff...

rest and know that so many of us are thinking of you....

Hello dear @Former-Member

Please don't be sorry my friend - I totally understand how emotionally gruelling the situation with your older son is. I know how draining the grief and stress can be. Holding your hand through this 🌹

But wonderful to read that you had two memorable uplifting days with your younger son. It does feel good and is healing to connect with others in such a positive way as you did behind the bar - a smile can do so much.....

That is what kept me going when I lost my older children - the bond I had with my youngest daughter and the unfailing love of my husband. I am now glad that bond with my daughter is taking some shape again.

I am in recovery mode presently I think - my mind and body adjusting from going through hell and having to convince myself things are better now. Sounds silly - but my mind is use to grief, pain, depression etc and it does take awhile to get use to "normality". I fight my own mind that keeps looking for things to go wrong and go back to that dark place. A battle I will win.

Good to read the injection worked for you - it is for my husband too which makes me happy.

That is the only med I take now - a sleeping tablet to try and get my sleep in order again. Once that's happens I will try and slowly wean. Adequate sleep is so important for me not to relapse...Hope you are sleeping better and this post finds you well 😊

Hi @Former-Member - I left a post for you on the PTSD thread but wanted to emphasis how I am thinking of you and your daughter through this difficult time. What a shock - rest up as much as you can my friend. Wishing your daughter a speedy recovery. 🌹xx

Hi @Maggie

So glad to read you understand how I feel in crowds. I am never comfortable in large groups and that was the case last night. My mental scars playing up there - I hope to work on it as otherwise I could let others down. I felt unwell and tired last night, worse today. I think my mind and body just needs time to adjust to all the stress and my mind needs to acknowledge that good things can happen.....it's a work in progress, one I hope to win.

I only sleep well because I take sleeping tablets - a necessity at the moment as I can't take ADs. Once my sleep becomes in order I hope to slowly wean off. Much work to do now....it will happen quicker once hubby's health stabilises and I get a break. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. I feel like going bush for a month lol. Last time I did that I stayed for 10 years.

How is the dizziness today. Settled any? Thinking of you and sending lots of love 💕🌹xx

hello @Former-Member

thank you

yes the two days were quite surreal....I found myself on a high ...again felt unnatural...no sleep either nights..

then crashing down to earth with phone calls from son....verbal abuse...blame...anger...not listening to me..definitely delusional..

his birthday today....

my husband is annoyed with me now...he told me to hang up on son...and not take next call...

my love for him will never allow me to do that...how can I know that he will be that way...I can't...so I need to convey to him...I doubt it is going in...that no matter what if I hear his call I will always answer..

I had to be firm and tell him again will not listen to him degrade his dad (no matter that we are divorced he is still a human being and his dad...respect)..I will not listen to expletives directed at other people..

lastly he would not let me acknowledge his birthday...will not give me new account details ...will not let me know where he is now..so whilst I was putting into action my self-care plan and setting my boundaries he hung up on me..

told husband last night and again this morning...today I am doing nothing...except read...watch some taped programmes and eat chocolate...he wasn't impressed.....tough

actually if I celebrate my son's birthday on my own rather than not acknowledge it...that is a form of awareness....acknowledgement and self-care isn't it? sometimes I feel as though I have totally lost the plot...

yes I experience everything that you have written...up down...up down...

hearing from maggie about her friend and son is reassuring...also your daughter is trying so hard to sort her life out...yes she will have slip ups...most important she is trying...she also is demonstrating her strong love for you and your husband...

take care...no need to respond...I know how drained you are...