Taking the plunge

It doesn't trigger me dear @Former-Member - and I have suffered sexual assault. I certainly worried about my children as you do your daughter. I did t want them to go through what I did and was protective. But my youngest daughter chose to rebel anyway. She had a good childhood like the others but had a lot more negative influences through social media than my older children did - which we could not control once she turned 16. All my children were raised in good loving homes and each of them are very different I find. My daughter was the hardest (different generation). I think it is harder for young ones these days. The anxiety and depression rates are certainly higher.

It's wonderful how you can speak with your daughter so openly. And she listens! That is a good sign and this will help to protect her. She sounds sensible which would give you more peace of mind and keep her out of harms way more. My daughter never did listen and became mixed up in the wrong company. She is just now at 21 starting to learn from her mistakes and can see the wisdom in what I have been trying to get through to her all these years. She is more confident and caring now. Her mental illness stablishing as a result. So after 6 years of putting us and herself through hell, the tide is turning for the better. She is a good worker and loyal person now.

I don't like schoolies - I don't think many parents do. Countless teenagers hanging together full of booze and some on drugs can be a risky environment. I didn't let my children go but it didn't make any difference with my youngest. We didnt allow her to party, drink or have boyfriends under age and through peer pressure she rebelled and ran away from home. I was so shocked and distraught! In her younger years she was a model child, duct of the school etc. And she was hurt outside our care....it was a horrible time. If your daughter is sensible and with the right company she would probably be fine. And once they turn 16 now we as parents can really do nothing to stop them except advise against it.

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world I believe - I would never want to go through raising a child again. But I am starting to reap the benefits of my daughter's love and company now. So it is turning out good thank goodness. It nearly destroyed me.

I can't find a good psychologist either. If I could I think I would go. Being a carer can take its toll and moral support would be great. My husband's back was broken years ago and now it's bone on bone. He suffers cancer - was told 19 yrs ago that he had 18 mths to live. Together we beat those odds. He still receives three monthly treatments but has the cancer under control. He also suffers heart disease and few other ailments. He served in active war service.

What I personally find causes/triggers/feeds my anxiety is constant worry and castrophe thinking (believing the worse case scenario will happen). Something I work on constantly and have improved a lot but still have my moments.

I have realised that no one can control every circumstance in their lives - so it's how we respond to life events - those circumstances we cannot control (or past hurts), is what either eases or feeds anxiety. Worry I have found changes nothing. Learning to accept things (can't change the future so I let it go), and making the best life I can in the present, keeping busy, does help my anxiety as then my mind does not have a chance to dwell on or feed the painful anxious thoughts.

@Maggie - sorry your doctors appt did not go well. I cannot take any meds anymore except a sleeping tablet when necessary. It would be wonderful to have someone to talk to who empathises when deeply troubled - I find this would help me the most if I had it. My husband is supportive but becomes overwhelmed- carrying it alone can be a heavy burden. Your social worker must be such a good support for you. Did you manage to get out in garden? It was 35 degrees here yesterday - cold at 20 here today. Very weird weather xxx

Hi @Former-Member - glad to read that you got out and about today and felt better. 😊

Good to see a post here from you @Former-Member. Hope you are feeling better this evening xx

hello my friends @Former-Member, @Maggie, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @Former-Member , sending you all hugs

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@Bella3 wrote:
@Former-Member 💕

I can only teach the right way to go (right from wrong), then the decision is up to my daughter.

How many children do you have, ages?? Only answer if you want though.

🌸🌷🌺

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Apart from giving our children love and attention - the above is the most important part of parenting I have experienced. Teaching our children right from wrong, to respect self and others - and then it is up to them. We can take a horse to water but we can't it them drink (I did try and dunk my daughter a few times though lol 😬). You are very wise and a good mother @Former-Member

My daughter is starting only now to understand and respect how she was raised. She has a way to go but is starting to mature. She now looks back and sees the wisdom of my words. Some learn the hard way, and she did, but better late than never.

I have been married twice @Former-Member. I am the survivor of childhood abuse and this did effect me quite adversely when young. I started drinking at 14 and was street wise (hence why I was so protective with my own children). I married when very young at 18 yrs old. An escape really and I was drinking too heavily to think straight. I was not taught right from wrong - there was no love in my house. I was somewhat cold myself when young but I knew no different. Could not understand why others would get upset with me when I very young. We can replicate our environment, but going into the outside world I worked it out and learnt what love was and how to love.

I was very empty until I did begin to learn and grow in love. And it's a journey, a growth I have found. Now for me that is what it's all about. Knowing and experiencing both sides, I can see what is really important in life. So I value that experience. But the mental and emotional suffering was horrid...thankfully I was very resilient. Still managed to enjoy life at times.

I had three children to my first husband but was never happy as I knew eventually when I sobered up that I had made a big mistake. I left the marriage when I was 26 yrs old. I was a different person. My three eldest are now son 37 yrs old, daughter 35 yrs old and youngest son 33 years old. It's a long story I won't go into, but although my children did love me and we were close we are estranged now due to their fathers bitterness towards me leaving. He poisoned them against me when I was living far away and gave them an ultimative - me or him and his entire side of the family. And I was far away......they chose him. The main thing now is that they are happy and well.

So my daughter to my second marriage is all I have Contact with and I thought for awhile I would lose her too. But with hubby and I being both her natural parents it actually turned out the opposite thankfully - she now misses us and does love us. For awhile there with my husband and soul mate having a serious illness (you would not know it looking at him - he looks youthful and well) and my daughter's rebellion, I thought I was losing my world. My grief was huge, but now a tide has turned. We beat the odds 😊 and life is good for now.

My life has been hard but I feel the best lyes in front of me. We are selling our current home to build one on the sea. My dream. And I have a deep love with my husband. So it is true that good things do happen to those who wait, who try their best and whose intentions are good. So glad I did not give up as I had moments.

Yum, sounds like a feast at your home for dinner. I made a satay chicken stir-fry and homemade apple pie and a small serve of ice cream. Thank you for your care @Former-Member. It is lovely getting to know you 💕xx

Hi @Maggie, with greetings also to @Former-Member @Shaz51@Former-Member @Former-Member.

I know what you mean about not crying. Until fairly recently I have bottled up all of my emotions. In fact it has been therapy with my psychologist which seems to have brought all my emotions out. Prior to that, I simply never cried. Frozen? Well no, not that extreme for me, but I get what you're saying in that regard. Over the past 6 months I seem to be constantly crying, like I am unable to turn off the tap. It may be a release, but yeah, it sure is exhausting as well.

Where I am (in NSW) yesterday was hot, around 36C. Then we had storms last night along with a cool change. Today was much better, only a top of 21C - perfect. I really dont like hot weather at all. Although I have something to look forward to for this coming summer. We got air conditioning installed in our house at the end of last summer. Yay! Well worth the extra electricity cost.

I love walking barefoot everywhere, (grass, sand, in the house) but unfortunately we have a lot of bindy's around here and they are seeding right now - ouch! I have painstakingly weeded out a couple of strips where I can walk and also my little dog Holly can walk without getting bindys in our feet.

Yes magpies can be pretty ferocious cant they? We have a lot of birds around where I am. We live on 3 acres out of town. Among them are plovers, and they too are pretty aggressive when it comes to nesting season. They swoop you all the time, and also Holly any time she ventures off down the paddock anywhere near them. I have to watch her, because the plovers are as big as she is and could do some damage if they got hold of her.

Pleased to read on the gardening thread that you maintain a healthy interest in your garden, along with your 5yo alter.

Anyway enough from me, I think I'm just feeling a little lost and alone I guess. Sorry.

Hi @Former-Member

Walking barefoot around 3 acres sounds like magic (apart from the bindis lol). I could really visualise it as I read your post. Air conditioning is heaven in the humid parts of NSW. Sounds like you have similar weather to where I am. I love thunder storms and listening to the rain pelleting down on the roof. I feel so much peace at those times.

When I was at my most depressed and when grief hit like a tidal wave, particularly when going through menopause, I could not stop crying. I use to burst out crying in public too - in supermarkets, social events - anywhere. My husband use to get embarrassed which didn't help. I felt like I had no control over it. It was just awful - and so draining. I so empathise with you and dear @Maggie

I just want to let you know sincerely that you aren't alone here - we understand, we care and you have friends here 💕🌹xx