Taking the plunge

@Former-Member I only started to cry last year. I have bottled things up and ran on frozen mode most of my life. Now I don't seem able to stop crying. A lifetime to shed I guess. It's releasing and exhausting.

Ive hear that magpies attack during nesting seasons, I don't think I'd like an experience like that, they can hurt quite badly.

We are lucky here in tassie, only 19 today which is really pleasant. Walking barefoot in the sand would be lovely, I walk barefoot in the grass in my yard, I love the earth under my feet. I think it can take some feelings away with it. I must make my coffee now, do you have yours made yet? Take care @Former-Member. Warm thoughts 😍😍😍

@Former-Member Please don't apologise, feel free to say what you want to. Thanks for the cuppa ( which I haven't made yet) cake and flowers. Here's a flower for you hoping to brighten your day.

hello @Former-Member

I don't know your full story.....I have read that you have suffered trauma and had triggers....

Whilst I have experienced my own......I want to say that I feel so much for you with your pain....I cannot possibly begin to feel the depth or intensity.....I can say that I think that you are so very brave to tell some of your story....

please do not put yourself down as a mother....do not feel guilty...do not allow any blame to add to your trauma....

I know how it feels to worry endlessly about a child ....to feel guilt....with my own illness.....not being a proper mother...what the heck is a proper mother????

now that I am older I can look back and think what an absolute waste of time having all of those feelings of self-doubt about myself....labels....

I love my children with all my heart always have done and always will....I have been their mum after divorce....I have had some very testing experiences with older son...much anger.father/son relationship .....son has apologised...

yes I get how you want to protect your daughter from the horrors of this world....

are you able to sit her down and tell her how you feel....tell her what you have told us......not about the actual traumatising events...about the fact that as a result of these....you now worry needlessly....knowing that it is over protecting but cannot stop that worry.....you want her to have her individuality and independence at the same time...

if you can't talk...are you able to write her a letter....or make a card...or find a special one ...

just an idea..

if you can't do this please do not think that it is your fault, that you have failed ....

no fault with you at all....purely suggestions....we are all so different as you already know...

my younger son now sends me the most beautifully worded cards and adds his own loving thoughts always telling me how much he loves me....tells me that I am the best mum he could ever have...also that I am the one person in his life he is most grateful for...

my goodness...I never dreamed that I would hear those words...read those words...

He also has been able to talk about so many sensitive things with me...

loving your daughter.....being there for her.....despite the terror and pain you go through is a huge ask on anyone.....you are a wonderful mum...

I know that everyone on this forum will tell you so...

you also show such compassion and care to others on here

one last thing ...I might have got this wrong....are you seeing a psychologist once a month still? if not you can get a referral on medicare plan at no cost to you...

does help to talk to specialist .....in all areas of your life...

as do @Maggie @Former-Member @Former-Member @Shaz51

@Maggie

hope that he new medications are more helpful....can take up to 3 or 4 weeks to get an idea...

I am sure that you would already know this....just a good idea to keep a record of side effects...changes and dates.....

I am more than sure that fur baby is relieved when you get home too...

our two cats stress when we go out..

enjoy the garden...

I actually pushed myself out of the door today...and accomplished a few things.....major improvement for me....I have been wanting to go to the post office for 3 months...made it to the library as well

take care

Hi @Maggie@Former-Member and all,

I saw your messages of support whilst in the waiting room today - thank you. I tried to respond but my husband's phone would not accept my username and password, not sure why but I could not log in.

The injection seems to have gone well. My husband is sore but did not pass out this time thankfully. So hopefully it will kick in soon and ease his pain.

We are off to his specialist appt tomorrow. One strange thing occurred - in his first x-ray there showed a tumour on his kidneys (solid massed cyst), in the second follow up x-ray so e weeks later, nothing showed - it was gone??? It will be interesting to see what the specialist saids tomorrow. Hopefully he won't need anymore surgery as this does knock him around.

A friend of mine came over this afternoon. She helped me approx 6 yrs ago when I had a breakdown. She would stay with me for days when hubby was in hospital as I wasn't coping. She is a nun from the St Jospeh Order. She was a principal of a high school for many years. She is now having surgery on both her knees (replacements) and is nervous about it. This time I offered to help her as she was always there for me - and she was happy about this. She also emphasised she was there for me if my husband had to go to hospital again. We have become good friends. So a positive afternoon - although physically I feel somewhat unwell and a little down.

Thank you for being there. Even though I could not respond it meant a lot. I haven't had a chance to read all the posts here yet, but when I do will join in. Hoping all are having a relaxing evening. Sending all my love 💕