Taking the plunge

oh dear @Maggie I never ever saw that as creepy - infact the opposite - you caring but not able to engage - but wanting me to know that you were still 'around' I feel terrible that I may have given you the impression that I thought it was 'creep' - I though it was very sweet of you knowing what position you were also in - please don't ever think I don't like having you around - even if it is in the background - that support (without words) means more than you could know.

@Zoe7 We are so complex when carrying so much pain, Thankyou, I feel better about it, but promise to wear the boots and whistle Dixie, even though my whistle is out of tune. I have missed following your thread and knowing how you are doing. I'm a mess of tears right now, but good tears. You do the best you can to get through tonight and I will do likewise.

Whistle away @Maggie but be careful with those boots - I am only a little butterfly and spend more time on the ground than in the air (mainly because my wings seem to be permanently damaged) lol

I am sticking mostly to Am Not Coping these days Maggie - don't feel as safe elsewhere - not sure if that will change in the future but for now staying as safe as possible is the priority.

Yep - get through one night at a time for many of us here - that is all we can ask when we feel so much pain. ...and tears are ok (good or bad) they release so much pressure that we place on ourselves sometimes

I'll try to check in here with you more regularly - and maybe even get back to 'our' song

Hey @Maggie now @Faith-and-Hope is sneaking around in the background lol - that always lifts my spirits

🤗💕 Thinking of both of you @Zoe7 @Maggie ......

Hi @Maggie Checking in with you as I said I would try to do yesterday

I saw the beautiful image you posted for me on ANC - it really made me smile - for a couple of reasons...

Firstly because it is the exact same image I have had on a 'page' of mine for over a year and secondly because it made me think just how much you and I are on the same wave-length (not sure if that is a good thing or not though lol)

I hope today has been a little kinder to you - I had to unexpectedly take a trip to my parent's place this afternoon so am very tired again now - hoping that translates into sleep later but not at all hopeful

Hi there @Zoe7 im hoping you are sleeping atm as its 5.30 am, and heading for another hot Tassie day.

Yes I knew we were on the same page when I first started reading your thread some months ago, my diary to my social worker was word for word what you were posting. Though it's comforting being so understood, it's hard knowing there's someone else out there going through the same hell, and there's nothing we can do but hear and be here. I don't say a lot about how I'm going, I guess I really believe no one wants to know really, that's been the overwhelming messages in my real world, that, and the fact that everyone eventually leaves, apart from my loooong suffering social worker that is. Thank you for being here in the middle of your own storm. I will visit your thread later, it's first coffee time here. If you were up I'd share with you, but sleep all you can, those moments are rare, those sleeping moments. 💤💤💤

Hey @Maggie It was 'one of those days/nights' yesterday. Everything seemed impossible and everything hurt. I think it is a culmination of a very busy week, struggling with money and the normal nighttime 'stuff' and subsequent lack of sleep.I did manage a few hours sleep this morning but it was not restful!!!

I know that feeling of not wanting to share - it is hard to trust anyone and even harder to think no-one will care anyway. This is often my dilemma - what is the point of saying continuously that life is sh*te and everything seems to cause one more pain. I just don't know how to keep going like this! I have seen some small changes during the day but then the night hits and again I am thrown into that dark place with no way out - it is incredibly tough - I get that, I know that - and none of this should be happening for either of us.

I just feel irrepairably broken

@Zoe7 I wrote this on the writing thread a few days ago. Just bringing it here, it might resonate with you to.

Struggling to get out of bed

Raging thoughts in my head

Gasping for air

Caught in deep dispare

Theres a message I seem to hear

Its the message I really fear

Too broken can't you see

Too broken clear to me

It doesn't matter where I go

Everyone around me seems to know

Broken pieces falling through my hands

Crushed to finest sand

Too broken no where to hide

Too broken deep inside.

You are not too broken for me @Zoe7, you are enough.