Taking the plunge

Curtains are beautiful @Maggie - very classy and really picks the room up. I feel as you do about the end of the day. I hope those two things see me through - they have to, my husband needs me. Otherwise I am totally alone in it and it's so hard. I mention it to a friend and they politely run - can't handle it. So over that to be honest as I am always the strong one for them. I now say nothing.

I have looked for a social worker like you have to no avail. It would be nice to have someone to talk to like that whom would support. I am off to a wedding tomorrow, have to go. My husband is not really up to it but if we don't go we let others down. So wish us luck. Hope tomorrow is better for you

@Former-Member I do understand the 'alone' and always being there for everyone else and how they run, my how they run. I would just ask you to try and measure your own needs and breaking points, before the breaking point takes place. . I do feel hipocritical, as I didn't see warning signs but I am learning, not fast, but it's happening. What do they say, ' it won't happen overnight, but it will happen'. Regarding social workers, they are hiding in all areas of the world. I found mine in a sexual abuse clinic. Don't give up, please, you need someone in the real world to stand with you. You have an abusive past, they are in those areas and not just for that particular thing, they are trained to be all rounders. You should have seen mine putting up my curtains and rods!!!!!!!!! Plus it takes time to feel comfortable so weather talk is a must!!!!!!lol.

Thinking of you today as you go to the wedding. Have you got a special outfit picked out???? Warm thoughts coming your way. 💞💞💞

thinking of you today @Former-Member xx

Hello @Maggie, @CheerBear, @Faith-and-Hope

Thank you for your uplifting words and care @Maggie@Faith-and-Hope@Shaz51. It was lovely to come home and read your caring thoughts for me. Means a lot. 💕🤗

I actually had a wonderful time at the wedding surprisingly. The company was great, as was the service and reception. The food a 10 out of 10. It actually did us both good. We went with our South African friends whom we had not seen in awhile and I relearned why I like them so much. They are funny, classy, and kind. I was taken back as my friend said out of the blue "if you ever need anyone to accompany you to the hospital or such please let me know and I will go with you". I delightfully accepted (but still not sure if I would really ask). I don't know what prompted it but it eased that feeling I had abit of feeling alone in my worries with my husband. It was a positive day for me.

Your words were wise @Maggie - thank you for them. My breaking point is something I never want to reach again. I have come such a long way since my breakdown 5 years ago, but this year I have slowly been declining. My zest for life slowly eroding. I think the stress over the years (particularly the shock attempt by my daughter last year), is "starting to wear me down". I feel very fatigued most of the time and physically slow and low. Everything is a major effort. I may need to have a physical perhaps or is this psychological efforts of acute ongoing stress? Do you feel like this at times or is it different?

I hope these aren't signs. I feel over the years that I haven't had a chance to heal - it's just been one thing after enough. And it's taken its toll. Just hope once my husband health improves I will finally get the chance to heal. To get a break from life adversity. I live in hope.

I will look into those clinics you mentioned @Maggie, thank you for the guidance.

How was your day @Maggie? How are you feeling now? I would love to know. We are in this together my friend. I think of you all a lot every day. Thank you for your support. Sending warm hugs 🤗 🌹

@Former-Member I heard alarm bells reading your discription of how you are feeling. I'm no dr, but sounds to me like depression. Please see your GP about YOU asap. Sorry I'm not in a good place atm but will get back to you when I am. 💖💖

Thank you @Maggie. I agree it's depression but I will beat this once again. Sorry to read that you are struggling today. We will move through this one day at a time. My friend is coming over to visit then I may go and do some cross stitch to relax. You take care of you too my friend and I hope you find moments of peace and relaxation in your day. 🤗x

@Former-Member, @Maggie, sending you some tender hugs and to say I am with you

@Maggie

💜❤️💜❤️💜❤️🌹xx

It seems I fell off my acceptance stone for a while, though it's not as stable as I'd hoped it's still there/here. Listening to Brene have made me think a lot tonight and I'm trying to work out some mixed up thoughts. I might be over reacting the acceptance bit, but when I hear it said you can't look after others unless you look after you first, I have to question what it is I've been doing all my life then. Firstly though, I'm not disagreeing with the fact that you need to look after yourself, it's just I really struggle in that area, yet I honestly believe I do sincerely give empathy and understanding to others though not to me. Confusing I know. What I think is self love might be the short cut and I'm going round the mountains taking the long way round, but I'm gathering bits here and there and I might end up in the same place. I hope so anyway. It feels like I get things back to front before making any sense, I also have a huge problem with the word LOVE. It's not something I've ever received or given, but when I hear people say they love chocolate for instance, I wonder what they see love as they. Love is commitment and wait for it, acceptance, nothing to do with a short term piece of chocolate. I think my little dog loves me, why, because she accepts me, all of me, not just the good bits, she likes beings with me. I'm writing this wondering if I'll agree in the later part of the morning. Does that mean acceptance is love? Sometimes I wish there was just one word to discribe things not a range to choose from as my mind can't make choices easily. That's obvious in a supermarket with so many choices, I leave with nothing because I couldn't choose. Am I mad????