Taking the plunge

Good morning @Maggie. I hope your coffee is good this morning.

I read your post and was struck by how much what you said makes sense to me and how much that may be because I too have recently had my own similar realisations (ones that my way-too-much per hour psychologist has tried to push on me, but I had to find in my own way).

While all of our journeys are different, arriving at a place of acceptance has been one of the longest, most painful and difficult parts of my journey so far, but maybe one of the most important. It seemed impossible as I questioned how could I accept this? I feared acceptance as I wondered what that would say about myself and the world if I began to embrace the idea that "this is what it is right now". So many times the words "I do not accept this" have come out of my mouth loudly (and my fingers here - so many times!). It's been an absolute go-to for me and one I struggled so much to let go of.

The opposite of acceptance has been rejecting the idea that this had happened and rejecting that I am the way I am. It was fighting myself and fighting my reality. Fighting it doesn't change my reality at all, but it draws energy and attention away from my efforts to move forward.

Working to find acceptance has been a like working to find a foundation for me too, because if I can embrace my current reality I can work with that, rather than trying to work against it to live with a false reality. Wishing my foundation was something else, caused/causes me enormous pain and it doesn't change it. I can't step forward if I am not standing on the ground to begin with - that is when I fall or stumble if I try too. It's from standing on this foundation and feeling the stability of it (even when everything else is unstable), that I can move from it if I want to.

It's been a process to get here and I'm not sure if I have fully arrived "here" yet, but I really do think I am well on my way now. It's shifted in gradual steps sometimes and in big "ah-hah" moments at other times (perhaps like what you had yesterday), and it feels like being kind to myself. For me, acceptance wasn't agreeing or approving of things (something I have only recently been able to differentiate), but it has eased the intensity of the fight I was having against myself, and that has been self-kindness and compassion - a great way to begin to counter self-hate.

I hope that what I have said makes some sense and isn't too wishy-washy. Your timing here, like above with F&H, is uncanny as this very concept has been in my thoughts so often recently.

I hope that you are able to find some of the self-love you deserve Maggie and that in some way, what you are working through gives you a sense of relief too. It really can be a wonky, confusing, tricky journey sometimes 💛

@Maggie - I am sitting under my favourite tree/s at the moment with coffee, listening to some birds and looking at the garden, waiting for my calm after the whirlwind that is life in the M-F morning here. I got them to school and then was approached by a couple of amazing teachers doing their best to work with us and support us through our reality. It is confronting but important. It means the world to me to have people with us and on our side, as it does to be in the company of people here who "get" or try to "get" each other's realities (even when they can't or don't completely understand it), and who listen and care. It's what has made the biggest difference for me this year. There are so many who have been part of that, and you're one of those people. I appreciate it so much.

I hope the day ahead has something good for you in it. And you too @Former-Member (and all reading) ❤ I'm half tempted to dive into weeding the vegie garden but it is full of nettle and just the thought of that makes me itch! It would feel good to get some of it done though...

Morning ladies ..... 🤗💕

Need a good pair of garden gloves for those nettles @CheerBear ..... ❣️

Coffee in hand ......

I think I need more than gardening gloves @Faith-and-Hope. An astronaut suit maybe? 😉 Hope that coffee is good ☺

Oh it is @CheerBear ......

Made by someone else ..... ✅
Out of home ..... ✅
Music present ...... ✅
Sunshine present ..... ✅
Fresh air present ..... ✅
Forum friends present ...... ✅

🤗💕

@Maggie - so much so thank you 💗 I'm not a religious person at all but very much appreciate the meaning behind. I usually wouldn't click on a link to music I don't know (because I have to be careful with it) but something said it was ok to open that today. I have a case of lingering sads this morning and that felt so good to listen to just then. Thank you.

I'm going to do a @Faith-and-Hope and take off on a good coffee hunt, maybe to a park and maybe even with a crossword. The nettle can wait (plus I don't know where to source an astronaut suit just yet).

Big love to all 💓