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Need to vent

Littletink_Senior Contributor27 Sept 2017, 10:25 am AEST

Need to vent

Hi guys. I just really need to vent this morning.
My partner who I care for has Bipolar Type 2. I am beginning to get really frustrated and I’m trying my best not to. She isn’t interested in having a sleeping routine, eating healthier..she basically isn’t interested in doing anything good for her illness or to help aid it. I just don’t know what else to do. I’m getting a little fed up. She is pretty capable it’s like she just doesn’t want to. What else can I do but encourage her to do good things? And sound like a broken record in the process. I don’t want to push her or be a nag. It’s so hard. Help

36 replies

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In response to: Need to vent

Unknown userMember13 Oct 2017, 2:38 pm AEDT

Re: Need to vent

hI @Littletink_

Found these talks about bipolar, found them really helpful.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHGf82yy33Q&t=3s

Preventing relapse

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mdopKvBqNA

In response to: Need to vent

Littletink_Senior Contributor13 Oct 2017, 4:39 pm AEDT

Re: Need to vent

In response to: Need to vent

Unknown userMember30 Oct 2017, 2:41 pm AEDT

Re: Need to vent

Hi @Littletink_
Checking in to see how you are going.

In response to: Need to vent

Littletink_Senior Contributor04 Nov 2017, 2:24 pm AEDT

Re: Need to vent

Hi @Former-Member. I’m having a really low day today. I just feel as if there is no hope for people who are suffering with Mental Illness around here. The services barely exist. I don’t know what else to do in regards to trying to get my partner to want to get her life together. I can’t make her want to get her life together but at the same time I hate sitting back and doing nothing about it. I mean I’m doing all I can. How are you?
How are you @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Shaz51Senior Contributor04 Nov 2017, 2:32 pm AEDT

Re: Need to vent

sending you knowing hugs @Littletink_

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Unknown userMember04 Nov 2017, 4:29 pm AEDT

Re: Need to vent

Hi @Littletink_

Sorry to read you are feeling low. I can understand how soul destroying it is to watch someone go down hill struggling with Mental illness. I really feel for you.

If you find there is little help available for your partner and/or the mental health services/team are not helping where they should there are some threads on here that discuss their experiences with this and feel as you do. I have been there too. You may be able to obtain some help from these threads as to what you can do to receive better care (avenues of complaint). The threads are under this Carers forum titled "Let down by the system again leading to near tragedy". And "So angry at the system".

Have you tried a real life mental health Carers support group? That moral support can make all the difference. Is your partner now seeing a psychiatrist/Counsellor she likes?

Then it comes down to the sufferer to help themselves, we cannot do that only love, guide and encourage it.

In response to: Need to vent

Unknown userMember04 Nov 2017, 4:56 pm AEDT

Re: Need to vent

Hey @Littletink_

I firmly refuse to give up hope and hold on with defiance. After Mr Darcy had attempted and was quite medicated I remember saying to the pdoc that "...at the end of the day Mr D's life was in God's hands" and the pdoc responding that he hoped that he could in some way they could help; I really wondered if they could and I was scared.

I am ever so grateful his pdoc told me to look things up and I did and was able to give the treating team a lot of information that lead to his present diagnosis.

After reading up on medications and evidence based treatment I have advocated for Mr D in relation to this and since the number of drugs he was on was halved, motivation is returning and he is doing heaps better, not suicidal or depressed (this despite having to undergo surgery following a complication of an attempt injury).

In looking things up I learned that I needed to change a lot of my ways and there were things I could do and things I could not do. In the process our relationship improved out of sight.

Mr D still has a way to go but things are oh do much better.

http://www.whatididtorecover.com

I found this website, even if you are not religious, the tenets they have really helped me and gave me hope you can live well in spite of a diagnosis. Mr D yet to be convinced but I am not giving up.

http://freshhope.us/about-fresh-hope/

In response to: Need to vent

Littletink_Senior Contributor16 Dec 2017, 11:01 am AEDT

Re: Need to vent

@Former-Member @Former-Member I am so tired. So mentally tired. I don’t know how to help my partner to want to do things. She doesn’t want to do anything I suggest or encourage her to do. All she does is play PlayStation and scroll meaninglessly all day on her phone. I know I can’t force her to do other things but surely it can’t be good for her. I have to constantly try and remind myself that I am not in control or responsible for her life. She is. As sad as it is for me to watch her life go by

In response to: Need to vent

Unknown userMember16 Dec 2017, 11:29 am AEDT

Re: Need to vent

It is hard @Littletink_ when motivation is absent (which is often drug induced). Are you able to do things for yourself?

In response to: Re: Need to vent

Unknown userMember16 Dec 2017, 12:25 pm AEDT

Re: Need to vent

Hi @Littletink_

I can relate from past experience and empathise. No you can't force her - but what you can do is a lot less for her. Don't do everything for her. Take a step back and not give into demands no matter what and let her fend for herself for awhile otherwise it can be enabling. If she is capable of playing games on the phone all day etc, she is capable of doing some laundry, cleaning and some shopping. The more we do the more they will expect and not try. Unfortunately this can be the reality. I myself had a "total mental breakdown" 5 years ago and slowly doing things for myself as I grew stronger was a "big part of my healing". Today I am very active and independent. I worked towards this.

I also took a step back with my daughter I was caring for and refused to do things for her to enforce her to help herself; - she did threaten SH and emotionally blackmailed and tried to manipulate at first, but after awhile realised I was serious when I did not give in and she started slowly to get up and out and do things. People with the most complex of mental illness can do some things for themselves - many work when properly medicated. My daughter has bi-polar and BPD, scheduled a few times last year after near fatal suicide attempts - "now she lives on her own", "works two jobs" and is trying to make me proud. Big turnaround and she is on the improve as she is trying her best. The latter is what needs to be enforced with your partner by you stepping back and not budging in your resolve. Tough at first but tough love is needed here and can save the person by improving their mental health by enforcing they get up and help themselves gradually - and ourselves from stress related illness.

Your partner needs to be in a position where she has to to stand on her own two feet more to improve her mental health and quality of life and for you to reclaim your life back and caring for your own mental and physical health too. Or nothing will change. Her physical health will also start to decline if she keeps lying in bed avoiding life. Relationships are a two way street where the "welfare of "both" is equally as important. All the best my friend - get some much deserved rest 😊

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