Let's do Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)

Thus endeth the Mindfulness module, so sayeth th L...r..d.

Thanks so much @Phoenix_Rising I've printed it out for future reference, & I've just been going through it.

Adge

WOW , Thanks so much @Phoenix_Rising

Doing one thing at a time and focusing fully on that one thing enables us to achieve more. Multi-tasking is inefficient!--- I have multi- tasked for a long long time @Phoenix_Rising

when I did child care I years ago , I would try to do one trip ,carrying everything at once , I used to hold the baby while serving morning tea to the other 8 children while doing a load of washing and cleaning up

Can you think of any others? -- Doing the ironing , writting a shpping list ,there is soo many @Phoenix_Rising, but I still do washing up the dishes while I am vacuuming the house , I have sooo many examples that I never end up completing one thing at the end of the day '

Great news - my DBT books just arrived at my door!

Have opened them and had the briefest of looks.

Good afternoon DBT-ers,

@Catcakes I really like the example you gave of how the between-session phonecalls were used when you were in a DBT program. I also really like your example of how it is more effective to communicate with your siblings than to silently bubble away with anger towards them.

@Former-Member I guess being "people savvy" probably does relate to emotional intelligence. In the manual, Linehan says, effectiveness often means being "political" or savvy about people. You know something I find funny? I am hopelessly and unbelievably bad at being people savvy, and yet I have spent many MANY years being accused of being manipulative. I would suggest that in order to manipulate people, one needs to be people savvy. That is, you need to be able to think through a whole lot of "if I do X, then they will feel Y, which will cause them to do Z." I have next to no idea about that stuff...which makes it so completely absurd that I've been accused of being manipulative so often! Once again I am filled with the agony of knowing that if my muddles had been seen through an Aspie lens rather than a BPD lens, I might have actually got some support with my muddles, rather than just being labelled manipulative etc. and had people walk out of my world.

@Former-Member I love that you have found the idea of making an appointment with yourself for worry time, helpful.

It sounds like we share similar frustrations with the over-focus on the present to the exclusion of planning for the future.

Cooking, customer service, crocheting, gardening, watching a sunset and eating a special meal all sound like super activities to practice doing one-mindfully. I love how varied your examples are - it really highlights the fact that this mindfulness thing is something we can apply to ANYTHING and it means so much more than sitting around cross-legged and saying Ohm. Mindfulness is a way of being - it isn't about one particular action or activity. Your examples really demonstrate that.

I also like how you mentioned that some of the examples don't work for you because they are reminders of "stuff." This shows that different things work for different people...and that's a bazillion percent ok. This is why it saddens me when people say they've tried mindfulness and it didn't work for them. I fear that they have not been well-instructed in what mindfulness really is. Because really, it is logically impossible for it NOT to work. That is, if you are fully focused on one event (such as cooking a meal), then it is logically impossible to simultaneously be focused on other events such as fears about the future, or traumatic memories of the past.

I fear that what people mean when they say mindfulness didn't work for them is that they were given particular examples to try and those particular examples didn't work.

@Shaz51 Ooooh maybe you could conduct an experiment of doing one thing at a time and then reporting back in about how you went! Ironing is apparently a really good mindfulness activity...although given I never iron anything, I don't know this from first-hand experience. I do find washing the dishes and vacuuming to be good mindfulness activities.

I can't multi-task at all, so I just naturally tend to do one thing at a time. Actually, I read something the other day in which the author suggested that people with autism have mastered mindfulness in that we can ONLY do one thing at a time and we also naturally tend to hyperfocus on what we are doing. I found this really validating because I have often said to people who try to tell me the answer to my muddle is mindfulness, that I am already really good at mindfulness. People don't seem to believe me because they see how not-so-great I am at other things like emotion regulation, but the whole doing-one-thing-at-a-time and super focusing on that one thing, is something I can actually do.

@Former-Member This is me after reading that your DBT books have just arrived.

Oh, my, I nearly fell off my chair laughing! @Phoenix_Rising

thank you. just 'thank you'.

I'll have to come back, stuff to do right now. So interesting reading everyone's thoughts and management processes, ideas and everything.

Taking time to experience the sensation of tension being absent from the body for a moment - feeling very comfortable with 'stuff' just now.

Be well.

@Catcakes and @Former-Member, the kermit run never ever gets old does it.

I'm glad I made you both laugh - laughter is very good for you, you know.

Ohhh @Phoenix_Rising, I don`t iron much at all

I did just do the dishes tonight @Phoenix_Rising, I did not do anything else but the dishes on the bench -- it was different , I must say , it only took me 10 minutes -- wow

@Shaz51 Oh this is so super exciting that you are conducting an experiment on doing things one-mindfully rather than multi-tasking!