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I feel...

I feel...

I feel desperately lonely yet, I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I don't belong in the 'Normal' world because I am tarred with the brush of mental ill health, yet because I've sort of stabilised now, I don't belong with my former peers either. I feel beige, uncoloured and boring with no emotion really even though if I had to say anything it is gutted. I feel trapped in a world I don't want and didn't ask for, yet whenever I try and break the shackles of failure, I am thrust back into the dark and reminded yet again of my failures (my Father is a constant person to remind me). I feel alone, even in a crowded room. I feel unheard, even if I am screaming loudly.

I guess I am just searching for something and not sure what.

Does anyone else feel beige?

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thats awesome! @Queenie well done!

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Congratulations @Queenie that is such good news. You should be super proud of yourself

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Thanks @outlander.

I was fully expecting them to come back for re-submission as I was brain fried and had mush brain again. It was more than pleasant surprise!

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im glad you didnt have to do that @Queenie its great you passed and got it done even in your frazzled state. 🙂

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@Queenie thats great!!! congratulations.

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In case anyone was wondering where I am, I’ve been in a world of pain due to some dental work I had done. Today is the first day I have been able to login properly and read posts. Apologies for my absence.
Kindest regards, Q

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Wow! I don't even remember writing this above post! I logged in on my laptop just now to explain my absence and here I've already done it lol. These painkillers have some explaining to do... I wonder what else I've been up to that I don't remember?

Seriously though, I'm still in a lot of pain despite the painkillers. I've got 6 stitches in my mouth holding together my gums on the lower jaw. I'm on a soft food diet which will be interesting tomorrow as the menu at home is lamb chops. I cooked tonight and we had soft pasta and mince. Delicious and easy to eat.

Apologies for not being on the boards since Wednesday really, Thursday I had my two molars out and haven't been well since. I was in tears crying out in pain once the anaesthetic wore off. It is slowly getting better.

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Hey @Queenie, so sorry to hear you have had difficult dental work recently. I remember being in a world of trouble when I had my wisdom teeth out. But didn't need stitches! Hugs. I've been away from home for three weeks, down south visiting mum. Haven't been on the forum much. Good to be back. Perhaps you can cut the lamb into very tiny pieces and swallow them whole for dinner tonight.

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That's actually a good idea @Mazarita. I think I will have to cut them into tiny pieces and swallow them whole. Welcome back to the boards too

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Thanks, @Queenie. It feels funny settling in in some ways. I think I came back in too much of a rush after I took about seven months offline about eighteen months ago. Felt disoriented and blathery. It was good to take the break though. Hope the lamb at least hits your taste buds before going down. I like lamb (sorry to the vegos). Huge congrats on passing your assessments!

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