I feel...

I am trying so hard to lift my mood by listening to cheesy cheery songs on youtube. It's just not happening for me.

I really think I need to reconnect with my psychologist again. I haven't seen her since July 2017 when I ran out of sessions. Now it is a new year, perhaps it is time to re-invest some time in therapy?

I'm going to go off to bed I think. It is only 8:30pm, but I need to I think.

Goodnight @CheerBear. Thank you for sitting with me.

It is interesting that you ask that @CheerBear about the therapy. Some sessions were great, I could talk openly about my past traumas without too much coming up for me. Other times, it put me in a very dark place talking about my past (go figure?). One session so much did it put me in a dark place, that I was hospitalised for a month after it. My therapist, although a clinical psychologist admitted she's never treated someone with elements of bipolar and schizophrenia in one. Often she'd explore my illnesses while forgetting I'm a person too (if that makes sense).

Still, I think I need something to help me 'unpack' my emotional baggage again. I can't really do it at my course as there are no student counsellors at my college (I'm at a private training academy).

I feel overwhelmingly bad.

I had my GP assess me for the NDIS and because I didn't know if I'd been assessed under the DSM-V criteria for schizophrenia, she said I wasn't eligible for any services. She sat there and told me it's about time I supported myself rather than rely on services and that I was capable of managing my own affairs.

I mean WTF????!!!! I am losing respite (which I've already accessed this year due to being unwell), my support worker, advanced psychotherapy sessions.... I might as do what I think about doing every single day because without these supports in place, life is pretty bleak for me.

I feel really bad. I can't stop crying and my Mrs has taken any forms of harming myself away because she is worried.

I hate this freaking government! How would they bloody well like to have what I have and live a day in my shoes????!!!!

oh @Queenie thats really rough! can you get your mrs to ring up for you and get you re assessed?

is you gp new to you as youve been doing this for a while now so im not sure where shes coming from?

I've just called my psychiatrist's office in tears and the receptionist has put me on the emergency cancellation list to try and do something to override this. She knows I only ever call when I am desperately in need of help.

I think I might end up in the hospital yet. I've been crying for hours and doing other things I cannot mention on this website. People at the bus stop were just staring at me. I felt so alien to them. Maybe I am?

i really hope they can fit you in soon @Queenie she should be able to help you more than your gp can as shes higher up in the medical field.

please just keep yourself safe, keep talking here, keep talking to your mrs too

I told my Mrs I felt like drinking tonight. She told me that isn't a very good coping mechanism and in reality, I know it isn't. I'm just struggling to cope though, pulling at straws so to speak.

My voices are really loud this afternoon. So much so I have a headache. I am over today.