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I feel...

QueenieSenior Contributor25 Sept 2017, 10:10 pm AEST

I feel...

I feel desperately lonely yet, I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I don't belong in the 'Normal' world because I am tarred with the brush of mental ill health, yet because I've sort of stabilised now, I don't belong with my former peers either. I feel beige, uncoloured and boring with no emotion really even though if I had to say anything it is gutted. I feel trapped in a world I don't want and didn't ask for, yet whenever I try and break the shackles of failure, I am thrust back into the dark and reminded yet again of my failures (my Father is a constant person to remind me). I feel alone, even in a crowded room. I feel unheard, even if I am screaming loudly.

I guess I am just searching for something and not sure what.

Does anyone else feel beige?

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In response to: I feel...

QueenieSenior Contributor21 Nov 2017, 1:40 pm AEDT

Re: I feel...

I think I might have to go to the doctor about this chronic exhaustion @outlander. I know she'll order a sleep study (which sucks because I hate things touching me other than my sheets and blankets when I try to sleep). I think a big thing about my exhaustion is the Mrs doesn't come to bed at the same time as me and when I am in a deep sleep, she wakes me up when she comes to bed. I then struggle to get back to sleep.

In response to: I feel...

outlanderSenior Contributor21 Nov 2017, 1:45 pm AEDT

Re: I feel...

I think thats a good idea @Queenie
Hmm yes being woken up esp during rem sleep would be a big contributor
Is there alot of time difference between yours and your mrs bed time?
Is there a chance you can both go to bed at the same time?

In response to: Re: I feel...

QueenieSenior Contributor21 Nov 2017, 1:53 pm AEDT

Re: I feel...

She is an insomniac so doesn't go to bed until like 2-3am. I go to bed around 10.30pm, so I big difference. She says I also snore heavily, so it is possible that I have sleep apnoea too. I guess the next point of call is the doctor. I see her on Friday for my depot injection, so I'll mention it then @outlander.

In response to: I feel...

outlanderSenior Contributor21 Nov 2017, 1:56 pm AEDT

Re: I feel...

Hmm in that case that a high chance @Queenie
I hope they sort something out. It seems your sleep routines are totally opposite.

In response to: Re: I feel...

QueenieSenior Contributor21 Nov 2017, 2:09 pm AEDT

Re: I feel...

That they are @outlander. She also wakes up before me in the morning and gets going (her Mother wakes her up). How she functions on so little sleep is beyond me.

In response to: I feel...

outlanderSenior Contributor21 Nov 2017, 2:15 pm AEDT

Re: I feel...

I only sleep around 3 hrs a night too @Queenie ee just sort of get use to it.

Why does her mum wake her up. She should be sleeping...
Do yous ever just get to be a couple and cuddle up watching movies or laying in bed together or are you always disturbed by someone.
Im really feeling for you

In response to: Re: I feel...

QueenieSenior Contributor21 Nov 2017, 8:09 pm AEDT

Re: I feel...

We are always disturbed by her Mum who never knocks, just barges right in. It kinda peeves me, but it is her Mum's house so I can't really say anything.

I've got bigger fish to fry tonight. I feel awful, really awful @outlander.

In response to: Re: I feel...

outlanderSenior Contributor21 Nov 2017, 8:10 pm AEDT

Re: I feel...

oh no whats happened @Queenie

In response to: Re: I feel...

QueenieSenior Contributor21 Nov 2017, 8:23 pm AEDT

Re: I feel...

I can't stop thinking about my friend who took her life @outlander. It's all on Facebook as I'm still friends with many of her friends. Everyone posting their comments. I was angered by one comment about a psychiatrist selfishly saying she left a huge mess for him to clean up. This doctor was not involved in her care at all (he was my psychiatrist at the time). After his selfish comments, I quit seeing him and went it alone, self-medicating with alcohol and illicit drugs for a long while until my then relationship imploded. I never got over her death. We spent nearly every day together doing some pretty funny things like dressing up in disguises and stuff. We were full of beans, but each hiding our own demons. These demons got the better of my best friend. I miss her heaps and she is never far from my thoughts.

In response to: Re: I feel...

outlanderSenior Contributor21 Nov 2017, 8:42 pm AEDT

Re: I feel...

aww @Queenie im so sorry to hear that!

people should esp mh people shouldnt have said that at all, instead of ridiculing her they shouldve been helping her.

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