the longest wait while being petrified

@Sans911

wow! Was not expecting that. You have really just described a lot of what I was feeling when I couldnt identify it myself! upset, irritation, frustration, anxious, low, need an escape, all those things into one!

I have accepted that I need to rest but I cant rest forever. After the weekend my sisters go back to school which will help a great deal. Im planning on getting back into my exercise resigme. Ive got my treadmill and exercise bike so I can stop and start as I please. I find exercise with my anxiety so im looking forward to getting back into that.

Hmm Im thinking these 'friends' of mine arent really friends like they say they are. Since they replaced me. And I do mean replace because they have scrapped me and the things that we had organised upcoming they have taken me off and put this other person on there and have scrapped me all together. So im gthering not. Its hard for me to make friends and I trusted these people an this is what I get. I guess I no longer matter to them and have to move on from that.

I can hardly extend my arm out let alone drive. Im hoping it settles like the last lot after a few days then I can drive more or at least one handed better but know that I can still use my right when I need it. But they are good suggestions so will write those down as ideas to do. Thanks.

Writing I like to do so maybe somewhere quiet or sit near the beach at a bench or something and try and write something if I can find a beach near me that arent over run by dogs that is as I usually sit in my car. I guess I could still do that as well as even being in the car near there helps.

Thank you for the sister hugs. I really do appreciate them. I often think you and a few other close members are with me. Sometimes its like your really here if I set my mind to it.
So thank you
xoxoxox

@Former-Member

hmm are you saying that my body is craving that drug? Or going into withdrawals or something?

I dont want life to go away, I just want a few less challenges and pain. I know youve written further down you meantioned that when im healed ill be pain free. That is true in one aspect. Itll get rid of this pain that I have now with surtures and healing skin but I do have other conditions that are chronic and are painful. I have been diagnosed with a slipped disk in my neck as well as it started to have degeneration all ready. I also have mild scoliosis however it is enough to be slightly noticeable and causes pain. I have sciatica as well as strange hip that goes with the scoliosis though and it requires chiropractic treatment. I have regular chiropractice and massage care for my back and neck. I also have a foot injury that will have 2 permanently torn ligaments and a torn tendon because it was never treated properly and its took late to do anything for except for manage the pain and it also has a form of arthritis in it. So yes while theses will heal and the pain from these will go I wont be able to get rid of the rest of the conditions and are chronic. I dont have it as bad as you have and im aware of that but wanted to let you know that I understand chronic pain despite being young.

Confrontations I avoid, I dont like at all and right now your right if I go at them itll make my pain so much more worse than it needs to be. The more distress the worse the pain and ive learnt that from the first set of sutures and life in general. If it keeps up though I find they are still going behind my back I will be speaking to them if it gets worse. The things they are doing now are very irritiating and honestly I think they are putting too much effort in to make me notice but its working so im trying to ignore them but the first initial response is depression. I dont know why, I very rarely get angry at anyone or anything.

Yes I asked you for suggestions because I like and want your input so thank you.
When the weekend is up itll be a lot easier to start doing things because right now I dont have room to yell or exercise. I physically have to pull everything out but when the kids are at school for most of the day it can just stay on the porch but not right now so will have to get pop to get them out for me because I know I cant do it. Frustration sigh..
anything else that I can do that you can think of that gets rid of adrenaline beside yelling and screaming and physically punching a pillow- not sure if thats wise at this point and all my exercise stuff is away and no room in the house to just run.
This is frstrating let me tell you because what I should be able to do I cant because its too damn corwded and im not sure of your time but its 8pm here and dark so not going back out now.

can you please explain abit more about what you mean when you say' possibly doing too much to overcome too much stored energy' ?

Hi @outlander,

Soory just got home after a very busy day. Haven't had a chance to read back and catch up yet. How are you going?

@Former-Member
thank you for responding. I know it takes a lot out of you and im really grateful I am and im not sure if words are enough. Sorry im asking a lot of questions, as you know I dont have anyone offline either and im having trouble comprehnding things atm. If its too much at the moment im more than happy to leave it.

Ok so thank you for explaing the adrenaline bit, its made it abit more clearer to what we are really talking about, im not worried about having an addiction. I already know what im addicted to and its a very unhealthy habit yet extremely hard to break. Getting better though so not to worry.

It just sounded like the way you were expaining it, it was coming across to me as I my body was craving it again like an addiction so maybe I wasnt using the right terms either.

The operattion after effects werent really explained in MH terms, they explaned the process and the waiting and what they are doing and the after care but not what the fall out could be for mental health.
I would rather you be honest, tough doesnt bother me because a lot of the times its a 'wake up' if that makes sense. Really makes me think about what to do or the next move or really what to think and what the person is trying to say and get across.

Oh wholy moly! That is not a good fall at all! You tough bloody woman you are!!
the horse didnt roll on me, just a bad fall, landed on my hands and knees and hit my head on the floor. I was ok too to start with and ended up getting u and walking the horse back. I thought I was going to die from embarrassmen and felt no pain. I felt numb- that shouldve been the first warning sign. Then I started loosing feeling and then went to hospital not long after that.

I care very much for you too Bella. I want to help you too, I dont know how to do that. Do you have a thread that we can come and help you on because I would really like to help you as well and I know mnay others here that would support you. I really do care for you too and I feel helpless and I have no idea how to help you. I can only give advice on what I know and what ive learnt from but I dont think it compares to what knowledge you have.

and yes our secret garden sound good, we can go there and drink tea and have some of those treats I put up in the thank you thread. Im not sure if youve seen that or not. Ive had a few likes but it only shows the last 2 people that liked it.

hi @Former-Member

love your new avatar btw

thank you for checking in here. its been a long day thats for sure. tired now though so hopefully will get some sort of sleep in tonight

Just wanted to check on you hun. Was a long day!! But am home now and around if you need to talk or I can just sit here with you till you fall asleep @outlander