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RE: Darkness surrounds me
6693 replies
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
lolaSenior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Hi Nell23
lola here one of the moderators. I am concerned about you and have just sent you an email
let us know if you are safe.
take care
lola
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
lolaSenior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Hi Nell23
lola here one of the moderators. I am concerned about you and have just sent you an email
let us know if you are safe.
take care
lola
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
lolaSenior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Hi Nell23
lola here one of the moderators. I am concerned about you and have just sent you an email
let us know if you are safe.
take care
lola
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Former-Member I was off line yesterday because I was super struggling, but I've just caught up on your thread. I've heard often when you start talking about past traumas, other stuff our subconscious buries can come up. That doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I hear you saying your SI/SH is screaming at you; this is because you are overwhelmed and in a world of pain. SH is but a temporary solution and SA us a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
By harming yourself, you are prolonging your suffering, and you are causing pain upon yourself that you don't need to own. This abuse caused you pain and suffering, it was horrific. But don't punish yourself more. It's the perpetrator needs punishing. You need to be kind to that 14 yo child. She needs so much love, kindness and gentleness right now. Could you perhaps write to your 14yo self, tell her you still love her no matter what happens. Tell her she is beautiful and worthy of your live. And you don't hold her responsible for anything that happened. Hugs Nell, I understand this is a really difficult time.
And please, please NEVER feel you can't reach on these forums. I'm happy for you to tag me anytime, where I'll get an email. You are here for that reason; to get support, share your stories, get help. When you don't tag anyone, you suffer much longer than you need to. You matter just as much as everyone else. You are important and you know how much people care about you here. Hugs and hugs 💙 💜 💛
By harming yourself, you are prolonging your suffering, and you are causing pain upon yourself that you don't need to own. This abuse caused you pain and suffering, it was horrific. But don't punish yourself more. It's the perpetrator needs punishing. You need to be kind to that 14 yo child. She needs so much love, kindness and gentleness right now. Could you perhaps write to your 14yo self, tell her you still love her no matter what happens. Tell her she is beautiful and worthy of your live. And you don't hold her responsible for anything that happened. Hugs Nell, I understand this is a really difficult time.
And please, please NEVER feel you can't reach on these forums. I'm happy for you to tag me anytime, where I'll get an email. You are here for that reason; to get support, share your stories, get help. When you don't tag anyone, you suffer much longer than you need to. You matter just as much as everyone else. You are important and you know how much people care about you here. Hugs and hugs 💙 💜 💛
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
I dont understand @Sans911 why now. The stuff that happened when I was 8 has been coming out for months but only in the last 2 nights have I been remembering what happened when I was 14. And I still see the person now. How the hell could I have not remembered it before now. How can you block something out that much that you have no memory of it at all. And then one night, bam, I wake up and think is my brain playing tricks on me, am I dreaming it, like it musn't be true, I havent remembered it at all before two nights ago. But then it just keeps coming and it is so f**ken relentless. It gives me no break, always there. What the hell is wrong with me that I could possibly forget about this.
I can't handle this S**t anymore. If it wasn't for my kids I would give up right now
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Sorry @Sans911 I should have asked how you are going today? You said you were struggling yesterday. I hope you are a bit better today 
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Former-Member hun, it doesn't have to always be a 2 way Street. If you need support, you need support, period. It doesn't matter how I'm doing at that moment or time. The important thing is that you tag someone and that they'll be there. If you don't get a response, keep tagging
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Former-Member i second what @Sans911 has said about the memories. The memories are coming out now because its like opening a box and everything starts to flow out. Those memories have been stored far back in the subconscious and now its stirred up. Im wondering if your psych has explained impicit and explicit memories?
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
I know @Sans911, it's just what I have always done, tried to deal with it myself. Guess it's been that way my whole life. I don't wan to go home, I don't want my kids seeing me like this, it's not fair for them. I just don't know what to do any more. I thought my life was f**ked up before hand, but this just makes it so much more. I feel physcially sick thinking abut what happened. How could I do that.
@outlandermy psych hasn't explained them but I know the difference between implicit and explicit memories.
I don't know where to go to from here. I have to go home soon b/c I have to take Miss 12 to dancing again. I'll just have to suck it up and keep going for today. Will just put on my "I'm fine" smile.
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Former-Member the memories that have of this send me running to the bathroom every time they come up so i know how your feeling. Ive been dealing with this alone for so long it was hard for me to even accept help. I dont have kids but i also feel the same. I dont want people to see me in theae sorts of states i want them to see the "everything's fine' mask.
I think your daughters dance will be a good distraction for you because you can focus on that and not what your thinking about now.
I find the more i tune in to theae feelings and memories the worse i feel and the quicker i deteriorate. Is there something you can do for a bit to calm down and take a breather before going home?
And with the memories coming up. The ones you forgot well not forgot but pushed aside is coming up now because of the old memories. Talking about trauma and what happened etc even just for one event it starts to draw out all the other memories that you thought were forgotten.
I think your daughters dance will be a good distraction for you because you can focus on that and not what your thinking about now.
I find the more i tune in to theae feelings and memories the worse i feel and the quicker i deteriorate. Is there something you can do for a bit to calm down and take a breather before going home?
And with the memories coming up. The ones you forgot well not forgot but pushed aside is coming up now because of the old memories. Talking about trauma and what happened etc even just for one event it starts to draw out all the other memories that you thought were forgotten.
