RE: Darkness surrounds me

Hi @Former-Member,

I am super sorry to hear how much you are struggling to get the support that you need and deserve. The whole system super sucks. You matter to me, and I am super certain you matter a super gigantic amount to your husband and your children. Do you matter to the public mental health system? I'd say that you, me, and everyone else in Forum Land only matter as far as those within the system wanting to avoid either negative publicity or legal action.

I found it super helpful when TTT and I were talking about how, if she became aware that I was at imminent risk of suicide, she would have to do something about that because she wouldn't want to have to explain to the Coroner why she did nothing. For me, this was infinitely more authentic than the way so many people say they care when really, both they and I know that they just care about covering their own a*rse.

@Phoenix_RisingI couldn't agree with you more and it does super suck. Thank you for recognising how much this super sucks right now.

Today started out so good and I got so much done today. Was really proud of myself for doing all that I had on my list.

So why do those SH/SI come back. Flashbacks haven't been bad today but still that monster inside of me starts to roar its ugly head again. No matter what I seem to do, they still haunt me. Its like my mind does not want to see me achieve something, does not want to see me happy.

I don't think so @Catcakes. It is normally when I start getting anxious, stressed, worried, depressed, well basically anything except happy.

its switched to night time mode hey... really really sucks. lots of hugs

is there something that has you more worried, stressed abit more than usual that we could help you with? @Former-Member

@outlander, it might be switched to night time mode. Seems like witching hour has started.

My mind is still going over my two really bad phone calls yesterday and then had a email today that upset me.

Might just be that still playing on my mind.

night time mode really sucks @Former-Member

having 2 upsetting phone calls and then an email in a short amount of time would be playing on your mind for sure.

would you like to talk about them?