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RE: Darkness surrounds me
6693 replies
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Yeah @Former-Member ..... every cupboard, every kind sorta thing going on here ..... emotional connection from childhood gone right out of whack. Soft d inks were part of that picture too ..... and chips ..... and hot cooked meals every meal which then translated to take-always in adult life ......
All part of our battles. Our home gets flooded with food. All his e.d. behaviours are compensatory.
Even the exercise is so o/c that it has put me off trying to jog at all, although it is something I used to enjoy occasionally ..... but it hasn’t put me off walking for miles, thank God. Enjoy your walk today Hon. Look forward to hearing about any wildlife sightings .... 😍
All part of our battles. Our home gets flooded with food. All his e.d. behaviours are compensatory.
Even the exercise is so o/c that it has put me off trying to jog at all, although it is something I used to enjoy occasionally ..... but it hasn’t put me off walking for miles, thank God. Enjoy your walk today Hon. Look forward to hearing about any wildlife sightings .... 😍
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Bunniekins,I have a side by side fridge coming,store is having trouble getting it in but not worried because I'm putting it on my credit card,our old fridge we brought in 1995,seals are worn,it's been a good fridge,upside down but the new one will be a lot easier to clean.
@Faith-and-Hope,when my mother used to go away for a few weeks that would be when I'm at my healthiest.
I was into diet coke when younger,now hate the stuff,regret it,I'm a coffee addict which is a problem now.I think I need a trim next week something to give me a "feel good moment"as my bad depression last week and everything is weighing me down including my niece's wedding next week with relations coming that I avoid.I am taking myself away that day maybe.
I have no control,that's my problem,got annoyed the other day shopping because I pay for my mother's things when I am going into debt for a fridge.I have my one in the spare room from my failed time at getting a life of my own,I only used it for six months,and it's got dints in the door from the idiot removalist.
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
BunniekinsSenior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Former-Member lol my old one would be about the same age as yours. The only reason I got rid of it was it was so noisy. Kept us awake in our little house.. Your new one sounds the go.
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Motor still runs well,crisper is broken can freeze vegetables in crisper,seals you have to continually ensure you closed the doors properly,gap in the top door.I think it's using a lot more power @Bunniekins
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Former-Member - I've just caught up on your thread as I've been out for a while. I'm really proud of you for ringing a helpline last night, as yes, that's something you rarely do.
Altough you ran out of time with your pyschologist session, it sounded like it was very helpful for you, and you've put extra strategies in place to help you get through this difficult time.
I understand that when someone says to you 'I care about you & what happens to you' it's hard to accept right? Because we often think we don't deserve their kindness and compassion. Who would to care about us and whether we are alive or not; we aren't worthy of all that. I say, take that caring nature of his and don't let it go. No therapist who DIDN'T care would bother to have you let him know how you are travelling every couple of days. So even though you don't believe you deserve it, he obviously does and is demonstrating that. You have a great therapist there.
And like @outlander said, respite could really benefit you, but you need to be open to the idea and willing to try it. The few times I have been, there's been no major catharsis, but just a different way of being and feeling, like a reset button. Getting out the environment we are constantly in that reminds us constantly of all we can't do is sometimes really helpful.
I'll be here right beside you @Former-Member just like you do for me. Because I care about you very much and I like to believe that some day, there's a better life for us up the road and around the corner, and we are just as worthy of that as much as any else. Gentle hugs for you Sis
Altough you ran out of time with your pyschologist session, it sounded like it was very helpful for you, and you've put extra strategies in place to help you get through this difficult time.
I understand that when someone says to you 'I care about you & what happens to you' it's hard to accept right? Because we often think we don't deserve their kindness and compassion. Who would to care about us and whether we are alive or not; we aren't worthy of all that. I say, take that caring nature of his and don't let it go. No therapist who DIDN'T care would bother to have you let him know how you are travelling every couple of days. So even though you don't believe you deserve it, he obviously does and is demonstrating that. You have a great therapist there.
And like @outlander said, respite could really benefit you, but you need to be open to the idea and willing to try it. The few times I have been, there's been no major catharsis, but just a different way of being and feeling, like a reset button. Getting out the environment we are constantly in that reminds us constantly of all we can't do is sometimes really helpful.
I'll be here right beside you @Former-Member just like you do for me. Because I care about you very much and I like to believe that some day, there's a better life for us up the road and around the corner, and we are just as worthy of that as much as any else. Gentle hugs for you Sis
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Afternoon @Shaz51
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
how are you @Former-Member 
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Sans911thank you once again hun. You just made me cry but in a good way 
You certainly have a way with words and know how to make someone feel worthwhile.
I certainly have a great psych and I know he just wants me safe so an email to say "Hi, still here", I can do that.
See him next Monday again so not a long wait.
How has your day been?
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Hey @Former-Member - thanks hun. You just gave me a little something to smile about. I'm sitting under the ceiling fan on my bed but it's not making a huge difference. I'm so hot; I might have to go stick my head in the freezer again.
I'm ok today, but in a bit of a weird 'space' where I'm neither happy or sad. Almost no emotion at all. My mind is pretty blank or numb as well. I'm not worried about. I'll just sit with it until whatever is coming next happens.
I had a bit of a light bulb moment on Sunday when I was in hospital. I remember looking around the emergency department at everyone so busy. The environment was horrendously noisy with staff talking, monitors and IV pumps alarming and I thought to myself 'do I really want to be part of this environment that's so full on anymore'. I haven't got any answers yet, but it's the first time I've ever had doubts going back to a place I had such strong passion for.
So my day has been a quiet one so far. Going to collect my mother's car from the mechanic soon.
I'm ok today, but in a bit of a weird 'space' where I'm neither happy or sad. Almost no emotion at all. My mind is pretty blank or numb as well. I'm not worried about. I'll just sit with it until whatever is coming next happens.
I had a bit of a light bulb moment on Sunday when I was in hospital. I remember looking around the emergency department at everyone so busy. The environment was horrendously noisy with staff talking, monitors and IV pumps alarming and I thought to myself 'do I really want to be part of this environment that's so full on anymore'. I haven't got any answers yet, but it's the first time I've ever had doubts going back to a place I had such strong passion for.
So my day has been a quiet one so far. Going to collect my mother's car from the mechanic soon.
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Sans911I am glad you got a little smile. Seems very hot over there so freezer sounds good!
I have seen plenty of emergency rooms and they are extremely busy with nurses run off their feet. Perhaps it was telling you that when(if) you go back to nursing, it might be in a different role, one a little less stressful.
I have already told you that you would make an amazing counsellor if you wanted to change professions. But then again that caring nature you have is needed for nursing too, well the good nurses anyway!
I haven't done much this afternoon. Just at home with the kids. Going out tomorrow to catch up with some of the kids school friends so they are happy about that.
