RE: Darkness surrounds me

Me too @Sans911 ..... 💕

TRIGGER WARNING

It is about CSA and SI so DO NOT READ if it could be a trigger. I actually don’t care if no one reads it, just couldn’t hold it in any longer. It took me a long time to press post because I do not want to upset anyone.

I am terrified to sleep and what that sleep may bring. The last three days my flashbacks and nightmares have been intense and a new flashback from my CSA came out. Just when I though I had remembered everything a new flashback has occurred. I am finding it harder to control them and my SH has manifested in different ways now than before. All that happen was someone grabbed my arm (not in a bad way) and it was like a light bulb went off in my head and this flashback flooded my brain.

Last night I didn’t sleep and I am scared to sleep again. I am afraid the flashbacks will come back as a nightmare and then I won’t be able to control what I do. My normal coping strategies are not working as it it, so no sleep sounds like the only option. But I know I can’t go on like this forever, I am so tired, but my psych is away atm so I have no one to talk to about this. I am surrounded by people yet feel so utterly and totally alone. My SI is strong and I’ve tried to stop myself but have made plans in my head which I have been trying so hard to fight off. My toolbox for coping isn’t working anymore. I just want it to end. I don’t want to put up with this suffering any longer.

PLEASE do not feel the need to comment. I just needed to get it off my chest. Has it helped, I don’t know, but I assume it is better than keeping it bottled up. Normally I would talk to my psychologist about this, but I couldn’t keep it in until he got back.

@outlander Jesus girl! what would you do if it was something really nasty like a venemous spider or a roach (shivers)!!! Hahahaha!

@Former-Member Okay just take care ... I am logging off with sleeping pill.

@outlander You take care too outlander and @Faith-and-Hope and @Sans911 wishing you all a Happy New year xxx

good night @Bunniekins

ok sis, sitting with you and just leaving you these here @Former-Member