RE: Darkness surrounds me

Thanks for the laughs @Bunniekins, it has been a really bad 48hours. I need to go have a rest now, mega headache, BUT will be back on later.

Will chat to you then if you are around

Okay @Former-Member take care NellBell! Glad I made you laugh a bit.

Definately more like groovin granny!!!!

@Sans911

@Sans911 Thank you ... what a kind thing to say. Good luck with the exam. I am sure you will do well.

@Sans911it is a very fine line and I know that you undersatnd how blurred that line can be at times.

I have always been an introvert and find it extremely hard to share with someone exactly how I am feeling/coping. I know I shut people out and I do know that it hinders me and doesn't help me. I think it is always what I have done from a young age and just continue to do know.

I struggle to find that person/people to connect too irl. I have started opening up to my psych a bit more but has taken a long time too

So on top of everthing else, I had a psychologist app. yesterday. We spoke about triggers because I am getting triggered more easily and once triggered, I find it extremely difficult to find safe ways to gain control again. He spoke again about an admission but am really not sure I want to go down that road now. I told him about what I had read and how it affected me.

I didn't tell him about the night before, I was scared I wouldn't be walking out of there alone. I guess it goes back to how hard it is for me to trust people and to talk to people especially when they are right in front of me.

Take three meds are giving me bad headaches and the SH/SI have not gone away, but I don't think meds will ever get rid of that, I think somehow I need to. But it comes down to waiting again. Waiting is hell, people do not realise when we are so stressed/anxious that waiting seems like an internity. It feels like people are playing a cruel game with my life atm and I don't want to play this game.