RE: Darkness surrounds me

@Zoe7

When I feel like this I always try and think of my hubby and kids to try and keep me going. And I always thought that it was enough for me not to do anything. But at what stage is that not enough. At what stage do we say I cannot handle this anymore, I can't take one more minute of it. I often wonder what that breaking point is. I am trying so hard not to get to that point, but it is harder and harder to keep that out of reach. So to not put the pain onto others, I have to go through an indescribeable amount of pain. How is that fair, how is our lives fair at all. I hate my life

Oh @Former-Member I know that feeling so well We carry on existing so others don't feel even a small amount of our pain - it is not fair - it is nowhere near fair I have reached that breaking point before - even my fur babies where not enough - the pain was so great. I cannot say to you that I am happy that I survived because I'm not. Is there more to life that constantly feeling so much pain, constantly struggling with the same fears, the same thoughts, the same feelings - I honestly don't know. History would tell me know but the future we cannot predict. I hate my life too but I still hold on so others would not feel even a small amount of this pain - it is not fair and we should NEVER have been put in this position. So Nell - I am sitting right next to you - feeling the same and not knowing what to do to help either of us

Thanks @Zoe7 i knew you would understand. It is just not fair.

I need to log off, pounding head and need to get these urges under control.

Thank you for listening and helping tonight, I appreciate it so much.

I hope you get some sleep or rest tonight. I have taken meds so hopefully they will help (well I can only hope)

Goodnight precious butterfly, I hope you know you are so worth it

You are so welcome @Former-Member I hope you can get some sleep too - some peaceful sleep (wouldn't that be nice ) As hard as it is for us to see past our pain sometimes I hope knowing that I am sitting with you and understanding helps - because it certainly helps me knowing you get it Hon

@BunniekinsI hope you are not on here because you are studying super hard. But just a little check in would be good so we all know you are ok. In my thoughts hun

@Former-Member

I don't expect a response, I just need to unload.

After a good day today where I pushed myself to go out with my family, everything has just turned to crap. I came home proud of myself but exhausted and with increased anxiety. I was able to have a nap this afernoon and then everything went wrong. I had a nightmare and woke up of course. It felt so real in my mind and on my body that I really believed I was back at that time. It took me a long time to realise that it was the present day. I ended up having a panic attack and SH. My thoughts are all over the place tonight and all I can do it try my hardest, but sometimes that is not even enough. I hate this life and now am scared to go to sleep tonight. I don't want this nightmare to return.

♥️ @Former-Member .....

@Bunniekins??