RE: Darkness surrounds me

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope @outlander for helping me last night. Was a rocky night, but still here somehow. My body took most of the blame so think I will just hide today. My head Is still all jumbled up. Thanks @outlander for sitting next to me, it helped so much. 💗💗

Then everything just gets set off again. I’m done with it all, I just cant forgive myself, I wish I could, I wish it was that easy, but it’s not.

Thanks @outlander need that hand today💕

Thanks @Phoenix_Rising I hope those big waves settle down soon 🙂

Hi @Former-Member

I was really touched by your post - and that's okay - I can choose to feel the way I react to things and I am glad you posted your story - it does help to understand where people are coming from

I have chronic pain too and take strong medication - S8 - there is no shame in that though society tries to make us feel that - a person has to have serious intractable chronic pain to know how destructive it is - and I do understand

It hurts so much to have family members who lack compassion - my sister is so toxic I don't have anything to do with her - I am not going to say what she has done that I know about - can't say what I don't know about but I will say that in her efforts to hurt me (I have reached as place where she cannot get to me) she has caused our parents and our children far more pain than she could possibly know - but I have forgiven her - and if she knew that she would be totally p o - and we don't talk so I keep that to myself - which is better

And yes - having our close friends and people die is also painful beyong measure - my parents have gone by now and also one of my children - and losing a child is beyond description but there is no way we can measure our losses with those of other people - it's sufficient to know that we all suffer in some way - someone wrote on this thread last night I think - and I agree - that there would be few people who do not have some kind of emotional discomfort - people like my mother who insist that they do not certainly are hard-hearted and cause suffering to other people -

And you have had so much happen -

Being soft-hearted - wow - I am too - can't be a bad thing but I have learned to protect myself in choosing what I will take on - which is why I have a limited number of people I interact with here and also limited my time here - we need to be gentle with ourselves first and care for our own needs first because unless we do we can't really be effective in caring for others - and here - people do care for each other - and I was reading the forum late last night and I was really touched by the way people helped each other out when something had happened to cause a couple of people distress again

We can't avoid all the triggers in life - I have stopped trying - and life itself can be full of events that will hit us when we least expect them to happen and living in uncertainty is never comfortable

I heard what your wrote - I can read the words on the screen and also hear what a person is saying between the lines - and I know enough to know you would not hurt anyone by choice - but sometimes something has to be said - and it was brave - and in the long term I think did good -

People tell us to do something nice for ourselves - and I am not sure what that means really because I spend my life alone doing my best to care for myself the best I can because no one else will unless I make sure my systems work - but I do hope you can care for youself too - and not feel bad about putting yourself first

All the best Bella - and I hope today can be the best possible

Dec