RE: Darkness surrounds me

Always @Former-Member .... 💜💜💜

@Sans911@Faith-and-Hope@outlander

So the CAT team came out and they were really good. Was able to tell them everything that was going on with my Aunt, the stupid doctor (which they were horrified about), psych visit, the new flashbacks, the SH and the sleeping issues which they think has probably made everything worse. I wasn't deemed a big enough risk to myself and they were short on hospital beds (got to love our mental health system). But I am glad, I didn't want to lie to the kids about why I was in there. Went with them to get some treatment for this mornings SH and for something else. I got some meds to help sleep for the short term until I see the psychiatrist next Wednesday and then see what his suggestions are. One of them was a really nice lady and she drove me home again and had I ended up just telling her a lot and bawled all the way home. I said sorry because some of the stuff I told her was pretty horrific and it just came out like verbal diarrohea!! She said thats ok, not the first time she has heard things like this. Offered her some of my meds to help her sleep tonight!!!! So in between crying and using all the tissues, we had a bit of a laugh too.

So I am home now just resting. The week is starting again this afternoon and will be a short week!! I am not going to look ahead at all, just take it one day at a time and then break that day up into short managable time periods. I need something to change because I can't (nor do I want) to keep going like this. We also reviewed my safety plan and made lots of changes to that and hubby also has a copy too which is probably good.

I am exhausted, still feel like giving up on life and my head is still full of trauma, but do feel better than I did this morning. They gave me something to relax me, but not wanting to take something to sleep yet or else I will be up too early! They do believe (and you will understand @Sans911) that if I didn't have to wait over 6 weeks to see a psychiatrist then I wouldn't be as bad as I am now. I am still weary of things triggering me way to easily these days so will stay clear of tv and radio for now. I am watching Finding Nemo as I type! I am sticking to Disney movies, Toy Story is next!

So that's it. I am glad I rang them even though it was hard to admit I needed their help.

So hopefully @Faith-and-Hope you won't have to listen to me 'lose my s**t' at 2am in the morning again!! Gee, where will you get your entertainment from now!!

Thanks again for your love and support. I am trying to look at this as a positive step forward. Mmmm we will see. Hugs and love to you all because I know all of you are going through such struggles in your own life, yet you put them aside to help me. 🤗🤗🤗❣❣❣❣

@Faith-and-Hopethat's fine with me, happy to sit with you anytime💕💕💕

opps, knew I would forget something @Sans911.

I think it is probably very similar to ATT.

Yes they are going to see me on a regular basis. Someone will ring tomorrow and Sunday just to check in on me and then I see my psych on Monday morning before funeral.

I am going to sit in my happy place tongiht. I am getting a bit too shaky out in forum land. I don't want to hear some words tonight. I am safer here