RE: Darkness surrounds me

@outlander @Sans911

I can deal with the flashbacks, I deal with them all the time. I thought the worst ones were done.

What I can't cope with is the content of these flashbacks and that fact that I had actually forgotten that it actually happened. How can someone forget that.

I am not going to say what was in them but fkn hell, if I didn't relive it in my mind, then I would think I dreamt it up. How could that happen, why, why, why.

I need to change my title, the darkness doesn't surround me, it is inside of me

@Former-Member@outlander@Former-Member@Faith-and-HopeIm steel feeling the effects of what I took, so lofgging off now to go to sleep. Bless you all, I hope you get some sleep or rest at least. XXXXX

@Sans911I hope I didn't trigger you in anyway.

I'll still be here for you.

@outlander@Former-MemberIt's a PDF document from SARC/KEMH (King Edward Memorial Hospital). I can't get it to link in, ao I am cutting and pasting into this thos post. TRIGGER WARNING Please don't read it right away if it might distress you.

DEALING WITH NIGHTMARES AND FLASHBACKS
Many people seek counselling for sexual assault or sexual abuse because they are
experiencing constant reminders of the event in the form of flashbacks and
nightmares. These reminders can be incredibly intrusive and can contribute to the
development of anxiety problems, sleep disturbance and feelings of being out of
control. Some feel that they are going crazy. Some believe they should not be
affected so greatly by the assault or abuse.
Important things to remember:
 Sexual assault is a traumatic event
 People who have experienced a traumatic event often experience flashbacks
and nightmares
 You are not going crazy
 There are some things you can do that can help you manage these reminders
of the trauma
Flashbacks
 Flashbacks occur when we are triggered to remember what has happened. A
flashback can be a terribly frightening experience, involving all of the senses.
Many people say that they can see, hear, smell and feel everything that
happened to them during a flashback. Some people feel as if they are reliving the
trauma.
 Identifying your triggers can help you to know why a flashback may occur.
 A trigger is something that causes us to subconsciously switch into a flashback. It
can be something like seeing someone who looks like the assailant, hearing a
word or a phrase that reminds you of the assault or abuse, driving past the area
where the assault or abuse took place, birthdays or anniversaries, childbirth, or
television shows. It can be anything. People have their own trigger or triggers
that are unique to them.
 Sometimes new memories or things that don’t quite make sense may surface in
a flashback. This means that your mind is still processing the trauma and trying
to make sense of things. Human memory is not like a computer memory where
things are straightforward and in a line, it is interwoven with emotion, thoughts
and experiences.
 ‘Grounding’ is a tool that people use to help manage flashbacks. It is used to help
you remain in the here and now and not feel like you are reliving the trauma.
Some people carry an item that they can grab hold of if they are feeling like they
may be triggered, such as a piece of jewellery or a rock. Others remind
themselves where they are by looking around and saying what they see.
 It is important that you remind yourself that you are safe and that you are not
reliving the trauma, no matter how bad it feels.
 After the flashback is over, try to understand it. Perhaps write it down or talk
about it with a trusted friend or a counsellor
 Sometimes it is helpful to rate the flashback, with, for example 10 being the
worst, 0 being the best. It can help you get an idea of how things are going for
you over time.
Sleeping difficulties
People often experience difficulties with sleeping. They may have trouble falling
asleep. This may be because they are worried about having nightmares or they feel
unsafe. Others wake during the night after nightmares or hearing noises and have
trouble getting back to sleep.
There are some things you can do that may increase your chances of getting a
better night’s sleep.
Nightmares
 A lot of people experience nightmares. The nightmare can be a replay of the
trauma or may be quite bizarre and seemingly unrelated.
 Sometimes writing the dream down can help you to make sense of it. Also
writing it down and then changing the ending, giving yourself a positive outcome
and reading the new ending before you go to sleep at night may change the
content of the dream (you may need to do this a few times).
 Try drawing or painting the nightmare. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece.
 Creative visualisation can help. Visualise yourself having a refreshing night’s
sleep or having a protective barrier around yourself or your door. Visualise a
different ending to your dream.
 Talk about your dreams with a trusted friend or counsellor. Talking can make
you feel your dreams have less control over you.
 Try to understand why you are having nightmares. Nightmares can occur as a
result of triggers. If you have not had nightmares for a while or they are getting
worse, there could be something happening in your life that may be triggering
these nightmares.
Tips for a better night’s sleep
 Watch your caffeine intake. More than one cup of coffee a day can decrease the
chance of you getting a good night’s sleep.
 No matter how exhausted you are, try not to sleep in the daytime. You are trying
to reprogram your body to sleep at night.
 Use your bed only for sleeping. Don’t read, listen to music, use the phone or
watch TV while you are in bed.
 Try to get a bit of gentle exercise every day, but don’t exercise immediately
before going to bed.
 Try to establish a bed time routine. For example, put your pyjamas on or turn
back your covers 30 minutes before you plan to go to bed.
 If you can’t sleep after 20 minutes, get out of bed and do something else in
another room for a while. Keep it gentle.
 Relaxation techniques, such as focusing on your breathing, stretching and yoga
can help.
 Lavender essential oil (not fragrance oil) can be great for relaxation. Add one or
two drops to a warm bath or put one or two drops on your pillow at night.
 Chamomile tea and other herbal teas can be relaxing. Many are available in
supermarkets

Dealing with anxiety symptoms
Many people who have experienced a traumatic incident or incidents can develop
anxiety problems. These problems can be related to specific situations, for example
going to the supermarket, or may be generalised to any and all situations.
Anxiety symptoms may include a rapid heartbeat, dry mouth, sweating palms, and
rapid or shallow breathing. People may experience chest pain, confusion or nausea.
Anxiety symptoms do not mean you are going crazy. We all feel anxiety in particular
situations, for example public speaking. Anxiety is a physiological response to a
fear-provoking situation. The body gets ready to fight or flee. However, chronic
anxiety can cause difficulties in everyday life for people.
People often experience anxiety about experiencing anxiety. They worry that they
will lose control or look foolish. Unless you tell them, people around you will
probably not be aware that you experience anxiety. Fearing the anxiety reaction
gives it more power over you than it deserves.
The following tips may assist you to deal with your anxious feelings:
 Try to see why a particular situation makes you anxious. For example, going out
at night may make someone anxious if they were assaulted while out at night.
 Discuss the anxiety symptom with a trusted friend or counsellor.
 If anxiety symptoms are having a serious and continued impact on your life, you
may want to consider speaking to a medical practitioner or health professional
about these.
 Putting pressure on you to deal with anxiety ‘right now’ is not a great idea. It
makes anxious feelings worse. Try instead to give yourself permission to have
these feelings wherever you are. Find a quiet place, go to the bathroom or go
outside. Do whatever makes you comfortable.
 If you are going to be in a stressful situation and fear panicking, it may help to
visualise yourself going through the experience calmly before it actually occurs.
 Rating your level of anxiety in a given situation may help you feel like you have
some control over it and help you to monitor any improvements.
If you are panicking:
 Take deep breaths from the diaphragm. You can lie down and watch your tummy
move up and down to practice these deep breaths. Breathing into a paper bag
may also be useful if you are hyperventilating. It helps the breathing to return to a
normal depth and pace. Try to stay focused on your breathing by counting the
breaths or just thinking "breath in, breath out".
 Try visualisations or positive self-talk. For example, try telling yourself you are
safe.
 Try using herbal remedies such as lavender essential oil or ‘Rescue Remedy’ to
help you relax.
Everyone is different and you need to find what will work for you. Try a few different
things. Don’t give up!
.

Thanks @Sans911 I won't read it tonight but I will read it.

Sleep soundly hun, and you are worth it. (I've still got your hand)